Leave Me Breathless

‘Me?’

‘God damn it, Ryan, I only just got him off to sleep.’

‘Sorry,’ I say with a shrug.

‘Spending the night with someone doesn’t make her your girlfriend.’ Jake says, bringing us back to the trouble at hand.

‘I know that,’ I retort indignantly. ‘But I’m not just talking about that. There’s the things she said, the things I said. Fucking hell, Jake, I said some serious shit. Thought some serious shit.’

‘How long have you known her?’

‘A week.’

‘And last night was the first time you slept with her?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Fuck, you’re slacking, boy.’

I sag where I’m standing, my teeth grinding with frustration. ‘She’s not that kind of woman. I had absolutely no desire to screw her blind. It was meaningful. Inevitable. Fucking amazing, and I can’t stop thinking about her.’

He huffs a small shot of laughter, and I know beyond a doubt that he’s starting to relate. I know his story. I know he understands. ‘Does she know about Alex?’

‘Yes.’

‘Does she know about her snaky mother?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then what’s the problem?’

‘I don’t know. I get the feeling something isn’t right with her.’ I walk away from my truck and start pacing the lawn, kicking some twigs as I go. ‘I think she’s been screwed over or something. By a man.’

‘Okay, so she might have an issue with trust. Maybe she just needs time before she spills it all to you. I of all people understand that.’

I stop in my tracks, hearing him but struggling to accept what he’s saying. ‘It’s not just that.’ I hope she’ll eventually tell me why she’s a little wary and cagey, but how this progresses isn’t resting on it. ‘I’m worried about Alex. She’s had me to herself for as long as she can remember. She says she wants me to have a girlfriend, but I’m not sure she understands the implications.’

‘What implications?’

‘Sharing her Chunky Monkey, for a start.’

Jake laughs. ‘Oh, Ryan. You kill me sometimes. Tell me, how would you feel if you never saw this woman again?’

‘That would be hard. Do you know how small Hampton is?’

‘Answer the fucking question.’

‘Horrible,’ I spit, forced into imagining it. ‘Empty. Angry. Hard done by.’ Whoa. But it’s all true. I had the most incredible evening that stretched into this morning. It was perfect. Until Darcy showed up.

‘Stop being such a fucking pussy and go with it. What’s the worst that could happen?’

What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, I don’t know. Breaking my heart? Breaking Alex’s heart? ‘So you think I should tell Alex?’

‘Yes, if you like this woman that much, tell her.’

‘Okay.’ I will as soon as I’ve spoken to Hannah. She should know I’m telling my daughter about her, I guess. ‘About that barbecue. I want you guys to meet her.’

‘Let me speak to Cami. When were you thinking?’

‘Next weekend?’

‘I’ll get back to you. Got to go before the baby brings down the fucking house.’ Jake hangs up, and I look back at the cabin.

Alex will be fine, I know that deep down in my heart. She’s always going on about me meeting someone, and really, I know my fear isn’t anything to do with how I might handle this. Or Alex, for that matter, though telling my daughter about a woman is a huge deal, a massive step, and I would never do it lightly. It would have to be serious, and now, when I seem to have levelled out my thoughts and gotten over my stupid panic, I realize that my trepidation is actually a result of how little I know about Hannah. I have a lot to learn about her. And my biggest fear is that Alex will start falling for her like I am, and Hannah will leave us both.Chapter 13HANNAH

I’m shivering by the time I make it home. Shivering and mad. Ryan couldn’t have gotten me out of his cabin faster if he’d shoved a supersonic engine up my arse.

‘Arsehole,’ I mutter, pushing my way into my shop and slamming the door. I’m wounded. I understand that meeting his daughter is a big step and her finding us soaked and all cosy in the shower wouldn’t be ideal, but the way Ryan carried on, his urgency and panic, made me feel like he was embarrassed. Of me? And what’s the deal with Alex’s mother? Why can’t she know about me? What’s it to her if Ryan sees a woman? That’s bad enough, but his statement about his daughter is what really stung.

She definitely can’t see you.

What, ever? Am I going to be a secret fling, a fuck to call upon whenever he’s not playing dad? I thought I meant more than that. I thought Ryan wanted more than that. Everything he said suggested it. I feel like I’ve been hoodwinked. Reeled in and then tossed away.

I stamp up to my apartment and head for the shower, dead set on scrubbing myself clean of Ryan Willis. I’m furious for letting myself get carried away. But above all, I’m angry because the sharp jab of reality has made me remember something important: I shouldn’t get attached. I shouldn’t get too swept up in the feelings of something lovely. Because it’ll be too hard to walk away when I need to. And I will need to. Eventually, I will have to leave Hampton. And that’s not Ryan’s fault at all.