Leave Me Breathless

‘She sounds panicked,’ I say, rushing to get up and wrap myself in the blanket, leaving Ryan naked and with nothing to cover himself.

‘That’s not panicked. That’s angry.’ He sits up, seeming in no rush to remedy his nakedness. ‘I’ve never wished you to fuck off, Cabbage, but, please, just this once, fuck off.’

I smack his stomach on a sharp burst of laughter. ‘You can’t say that.’

‘God have mercy on my soul,’ he grunts, dragging himself to his feet. ‘Shit, I’ve got a bellyache.’ He walks to the door a little gingerly and pulls his jeans on with a few uncomfortable hisses. Then he swings the door open. ‘Hey, Cab . . .’ He recoils. ‘What the hell do you look like?’

‘I know!’ she shrieks, throwing her arms up in the air in complete exasperation.

I don’t blame her. She could’ve had a fight with a psychotic makeup artist and a possessed hairstylist. I have to put my hand over my mouth to stop my laughter from breaking free and undoubtedly pissing her off even more. She’s a pile of ringlets, pink frills, and puffy fabric.

‘Dad, you have to do something.’ Alex pushes her bunched fists into his chest. ‘She’s lost it completely, and it’s your fault.’

‘How?’ Ryan asks, staring down at his daughter like she just disembarked from the circus train.

‘Because she fell in love with you,’ she cries, her forehead flopping forward, no doubt smearing foundation all over Ryan’s chest. ‘Since she found out about you and Hannah, she’s been worse, Dad. Ten times worse!’ Nudging Ryan out of the way, Alex storms into the cabin, and my ability to contain my amusement is lost. I snort past the hand on my mouth, quickly looking away, hoping I can pass off my laughter with a cough.

‘Stop laughing,’ Alex mutters. ‘I’m blaming you, too.’

‘Me?’ I blurt, pulling the blanket in and getting to my feet. ‘What did I do?’

She huffs and stomps over to the fridge, and a chorus of bangs and clatters ensues as she opens and slams a few doors and drawers until she’s scoffing down a tub of Chunky Monkey. ‘I’m not going like this,’ she waffles around her spoon. ‘You’ll have to kill me first.’

Ryan sighs and shuts the door, joining Alex and claiming the spoon when it’s halfway to her mouth again. She battles his intention to steal her goods and lunges forward with her mouth open to take the spoonful before Ryan gets it. ‘Share,’ he orders, prising the tub away.

‘It’s not so bad,’ I say, trying to appease her, making another quick assessment of her pageant outfit. God, it’s terrible. What is Darcy thinking?

‘Really?’ Alex asks sarcastically.

‘Okay, you look like the Sugar Plum Fairy gone wrong,’ I admit on a shrug.

Ryan coughs around his mouthful of ice cream, dribbling some down his chin, and of course this just sets me off again. My laughing only encourages Ryan’s, until we’re both howling and Alex is red in the face. Her head looks like it’s about to pop off.

‘Right.’ She throws each of us a filthy glare and marches over to the door, looking back fiercely as she swings it open. ‘I’ll blame you two.’ Stepping out, she slams the door with brute force.

I frown at Ryan, who’s currently staring at the door a bit bewildered. ‘Blame us for what?’ I ask, following him to the kitchen window. We both look out as Alex stamps her way to the compost heap. ‘What’s she doing?’

Ryan wedges the spoon into the tub as Alex comes to a stop. ‘She’s about to dive into that pile of mud.’

‘What?’ I watch in horror as she takes a few steps back, giving herself space to run. ‘No!’ I yell, scrambling for the door. Oh my days, her mother will have heart failure and it’ll be all my fault. ‘Alex, don’t do it!’

I trip my way down the veranda steps, the blankets getting all caught up in my legs. I’m not even halfway across the lawn before I realize I’ll never make it in time to stop her. I slow and close one eye on a screwed-up nose as she runs and jumps, her arms and legs out like she could be skydiving from a plane twelve thousand feet up.

Splat.

She lands front-forward in the compost pile, but not satisfied with that, she proceeds to roll around, covering every inch of her fancy outfit in mud, at the same time ensuring that her mother’s meltdown will go down in history. And probably that she’ll hate me for ever for ruining her girl.

I sag where I stand. Great. ‘Alex,’ I sigh as she sits up, arms and legs akimbo. ‘What have you done?’

‘Me?’ she chirps, all happy with herself. ‘But you pushed me, Hannah.’

Ryan snorts from behind me, and I throw a lethal glare his way, making him soon snap that smug grin into shape. I stomp up to the edge of the compost heap. ‘Out,’ I order, realising I sound like a stern adult. But heavens, it’ll take me all morning to fix her and save us all from the wrath of her mother. I need to get to town to help Molly.