Gentleman Sinner

‘I don’t know why you won’t just go for dinner with him.’

‘We’re going to Vegas tomorrow,’ I remind her, as if she could have forgotten about the trip that’s been in the making for a year and bled us both dry of savings. ‘I’ll save my energy for that.’

‘Fine by me,’ she sings, discarding her wine and reaching for both my hands. I give them to her, and she starts to dance us around the kitchen. ‘Vegas, baby!’

I burst into fits of giggles, being twirled in circles with Jess’s cheesy grin beaming at me. I was already excited, but now I’m dizzy with it. Literally. ‘Stop!’ I laugh, closing my eyes.

And she does. Abruptly. Then I hear the hard rap at the door. My smiles and laughter shrivel up, but I remain dizzy. ‘Ignore it,’ I demand, my hands still clutching Jess’s. ‘He’ll go away eventually.’

‘You know, I really don’t think he will,’ Jess replies, sounding worried and intrigued.

‘He’ll have to. I’m not answering.’ I shut the kitchen door, blocking out the echo of his follow-up knock.

‘So we’re going to hide in here all night?’ Jess asks with a furrowed forehead.

‘If we have to.’

‘Seriously?’

I laugh. ‘Yes, very seriously.’ I fetch more wine and wave it at her face. ‘We have supplies. Let’s just drink. No work tomorrow,’ I remind her.

‘Just tell him no if you’re that determined. Simple.’

‘He won’t listen,’ I grate, taking the bottle to my lips and glugging a bit down. ‘The phone, the flowers, turning up at work. He’s immune to the word no. No one says no to Theo Kane.’ More wine.

I must remain strong. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I’m making progress. They’re small steps, but they’re small steps in the right direction. I know where I’m heading. When I look at Theo Kane, I don’t know where I’d be heading if I were to get involved with him, and that’s a good enough reason to steer clear. I like where I’m at in my life. I like who I am. And that’s an achievement, because I hated myself for such a long time. I’m finally breaking free of the fear that’s controlled me.

‘I’m fine on my own,’ I tell her. ‘I’m happy on my own.’ I’m in control on my own. When I’m with Theo, I don’t feel in control in the slightest.

Jess sighs, her shoulders dropping. ‘Pass me that bottle.’ She makes grabby hands at me, and I willingly hand it over, pleased she understands.

Another knock at the door. ‘So what are we going to do as soon as we arrive?’ I ask, ignoring it.

‘Drink.’ Jess takes another glug before handing the bottle back to me. I accept gratefully and take it to my lips. She looks over her shoulder to the closed kitchen door as more knocks sound.

‘And on the second night?’ I rush on, needing to distract her.

‘I don’t know. Bellagio’s?’

‘Great!’ I swig again and give her the bottle. ‘And the third night I was thinking a nice meal and a little gamble.’ I’m literally yelling now.

‘Right,’ she says slowly, and then she sighs. ‘This is ridiculous.’ She slams the bottle down and pulls the kitchen door open.

‘Jess, no!’

‘I’ll tell him no if you won’t.’ She marches on her way with determination.

‘Jess!’ I’m running forward a few steps and retreating again, back and forth, unsure of what to do. Hide. I should hide. ‘Tell him I’m out!’ Damn it! I rush after her, hoping to make it to the door before she does so I can stop her from opening it.

‘Fuck me!’

I hear Jess’s startled curse as I screech to a halt behind her, finding she’s already pulled the front door open and her head is slowly tilting back to find Theo’s face. I can’t see my friend, but I’m guessing her jaw is lax.

The sight of him, tall and oddly refined behind his intimidating front, makes me feel like I’ve just been smacked in the head with a baseball bat. He’s a vision. His top lip quirks as he looks past Jess, abandoning my dazed friend in favour of me. And again I’m tucking my hair behind my ears, my gaze dropping. One day I won’t look like a bedraggled mess when he appears from nowhere. ‘I texted to tell you I wouldn’t be having dinner with you.’ I jump in before he can ask why I’m not ready.

‘And I assumed it must have been a slip of your fingers on the keys.’

‘What . . .?’ I do a quick mental calculation. ‘All seven words?’

‘Eight,’ he counters, getting my attention again. He watches me carefully. ‘If you include the kiss that you tagged on the end.’

My cheeks heat under his watchful eyes, and Jess swings around with an accusing look. ‘A kiss?’

My lips remain locked tightly shut, not willing to explain myself. Though it doesn’t stop me from justifying it in my head. I added it as a gesture, that’s all. To soften the blow.