Gentleman Sinner

Am I really as strong as I think I am? Because I’m not just attracted to Theo Kane. Not just intrigued by him. I’m charmed by his protective instinct toward women. I might tell myself I don’t need it. But you don’t have to need something to want it. Right, Izzy?

‘Then what is there about me?’ I ask him, my voice annoyingly shaky.

He withdraws a little, like he’s sensed he might be being a bit scary. ‘I can’t stop thinking about you, and there’s a reason for that. I need to understand.’

‘So I’m here for you to try to unravel why you’re attracted to a lowly nurse like me. Is that it?’ I stand from my chair, a little mad.

‘No.’ His fist hits the table with a deafening thwack, yet I don’t move a muscle, don’t flinch or become guarded by the hint of violence. It doesn’t touch me. Theo looks up at me with wide eyes, worried again that he’s frightened me, and when he realizes that he hasn’t, he breathes out, slumping back in his chair.

He shakes his head, somewhere between amusement, awe and shock. ‘I see you’re wary of me, and I don’t want you to be.’

‘Then maybe you should stop thumping tables,’ I retort, and he smiles.

‘You and I both know my physical presence isn’t what I’m talking about. You’re scared of how I make you feel. You’re fighting your natural reaction to me. But you shouldn’t.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I’m not interested in hurting you. I’m not pursuing you just because I want to bed you. If I wanted a mindless fuck, I’d find one with ease.’

‘Wow.’ I all but cough.

‘It’s the truth. I’ll never be anything but honest with you, Izzy. I’m a man of my word, trust me.’

‘But I hardly know you, Theo. And you hardly know me.’

‘I know you’re beautiful. I know you’re attracted to me. I know you make me smile, and I know you give me hope. You’re strong and kind. You stopped to help Penny that night, and there was nothing in it for you. You could have walked on by and not given it a thought ever again. But you didn’t. And not even I scared you off. I see fear in you, Izzy, but it is fear of another kind.’

I feel a lump swell in my throat, and all the reasons I pursued a career in nursing thunder to the front of my mind. I sniff back the onslaught of emotions, mad that he’s drawn them from me. Becoming a nurse and working in a hospital was the natural thing for me to do, since it was the only place I ever felt safe. ‘I’m a nurse. It’s my job to help people.’

‘It’s your job to ensure your own safety first,’ Theo says gently. It cuts deep, every bit of pain I ever felt seeming to return and hurt me all over again. ‘Above everything else,’ he goes on, ‘that should be your priority.’

My jaw tightens, and infuriating tears stab at the backs of my eyes. ‘I would never leave a woman at the mercy of a violent man.’

He withdraws a little. He’s read between the lines, and I immediately regret giving him more than I meant to. And I hate him for forcing the matter. I stopped. I helped Penny. That’s it. He needs to stop picking it to pieces.

I refuse to look away from him as he rises from his chair, seeming to take forever to reach his full height. ‘Why do I believe there’s something more to it than professional instinct?’

‘Because there is,’ I reply without hesitation, fixing my lips into a straight line, my way of telling him that I won’t be expanding on that, so he shouldn’t bother asking. He’s not telling me everything. I’ll adopt a similar approach, if it’s all the same to him.

He nods, understanding, widening his stance a little. ‘I like being respected, and sick as it sounds, I also like the fact that people are too frightened to cross me.’ He pauses, drilling into me with potent eyes full of sincerity. ‘But for the first time in a very long time, I like the thought of someone liking me. I love that you challenge me. I love that you’re ballsy, though I know I won’t love the reason why.’

My breath hitches. He knows. He’s figured it out. Maybe not every tiny detail, but he’s latched on to the fact that I’ve been scared before, and he wants to put any doubt in my mind to rest. Any doubt that I think he could hurt me. It’s admirable, but it’s also a waste of words, because I’m not scared of him in that sense. I’m actually scared of becoming too attached to him. Of getting too used to feeling safe. Of becoming too dependent on his comfort. Depending on someone leaves you open to hurt.