I nod a little, even though I’m not. I can never touch him when we’re intimate? I can’t stroke him or caress his beautiful body? The loss suddenly hits me hard, and I glance away from the magnificent naked sight of Theo.
‘Izzy?’ he questions, troubled. ‘Tell me.’
‘I’m fine.’ I force a smile, brushing off his concern, and get up from the bed, set on finding my clothes and tracking Jess down. I never get to feel him? The more I think about it, the more devastated I am by that. He doesn’t trust himself. Why? He knows it’s me. He’ll know where I am.
I make it two paces before my escape is halted by a large palm wrapped around my wrist. ‘Izzy, wait,’ he orders gently, pulling me back a little, though I keep my focus forward on the door. ‘I’ve told you I need a controlled environment,’ he reminds me gently, holding me in place.
‘I know that.’
‘It’s not through choice.’
‘I can never touch you in bed. When we’re intimate. I want to be able to feel you.’ I let it all out and hear his sigh shortly after. He turns me to face him, lifting me from my feet with one arm around my lower back, using his other hand to take both of mine and place them on his shoulders one by one. Then he lies down on the bed, arranging me by his side. My brow remains creased the whole time, wondering what he’s doing and why. It’s all so very organized.
He draws light circles on my cheek. ‘If you ever want to lie in my bed with me, then you can.’
‘What if I move in my sleep? You’ll be asleep yourself. You won’t know.’
‘I won’t be asleep. I’ve never been a big sleeper. I’ll just lie with you. Watch you. And if you fidget or move, I’ll be fully aware of it, trust me.’
‘You need to sleep.’ He’s a machine.
‘Sleep, when I could look at you all night? Easy decision, Izzy.’
How could I not melt hearing that? But . . . ‘I’ve seen your staff,’ I begin, watching as he frowns, obviously wondering where I’m going with this. ‘They move out of your way, never come too close.’
‘They know me well.’
‘But I don’t.’
‘What do you want to know?’
‘Why’d you hunt me down?’
‘Hunt?’ He widens his eyes in feigned surprise. ‘You make me sound like an animal.’
I laugh under my breath. He just took me like one. ‘Why me?’
He smiles mildly. ‘I have to brace myself for anyone’s touch. Grit my teeth and hold my breath. It makes my skin crawl, but when you took my hand in the alley that night, my skin didn’t crawl. It tingled.’
‘But you still don’t like it.’
‘Oh, I love it, trust me. But I don’t trust myself, Izzy. My reaction is ingrained too heavily into me. I can’t help it.’
‘Reaction?’
He shrugs. ‘I don’t like being touched.’
I get the feeling he won’t expand on that, so I fire another question. ‘Why?’
‘Who are you afraid of?’ he counters, evading my question and hitting me with his own.
I try my hardest not to tense. I fail terribly, my muscles aching in an instant under the pressure of his question. He’s already figured out that someone hurt me. I can’t venture into my painful past again. ‘Tell me,’ he demands, levelling an expectant gaze on me, his hand drifting down to my tummy and circling over my scars.
I shrink and shake my head, indicating that I’m not prepared to go there, just as I now know he won’t be indulging me. ‘I need to go find Jess,’ I mumble. He doesn’t push me, and I’m grateful. I can live without his secrets if he can live without mine.
Theo squeezes me a little before lifting me to my feet. ‘Then I will take you back.’ Releasing me, leaving me feeling a little lost, he steps back and indicates across the room to the bathroom. ‘Help yourself to a shower.’
I smile my thanks and gather up my things before scooting across the soft carpet and shutting the door behind me. I drop my clothes to the floor and fall back against the door, covering my face with my hands. The needy ache overwhelming me feels suffocating. I haven’t just dipped a toe into Theo’s world. I’ve dived in headfirst.Chapter 9
When I call Jess, she tells me they’re in the Chandelier bar in the Cosmopolitan, a few hotels down the Strip. There’s no need for Callum to drive me back, and I see both disappointment and worry on Theo’s face when I tell him.
‘It’s an easy walk,’ I say as he escorts me to the elevator. ‘I’ll be there in a few minutes.’
‘Vegas isn’t a place where a young woman should be roaming around alone.’ He reaches for the call button and straightens out his jacket. ‘I’ll walk you.’