Gentleman Sinner

I watch as he picks at the corner of the tape and starts to pull it away, revealing reddened skin, slick with greasy jelly. Then the scroll of letters begin to reveal themselves, from right to left, so I’m forced to read it backward. I tilt my head, sinking my teeth into my lip.

By the time Theo has peeled the bandage away entirely, I’m transfixed by what is before me, elegantly scrolled across his pec. I read it again and again, my fingertips resting on my lips, like they might prevent me from breathing out my surprise. Of course, they don’t, and I release a loud, shaky breath. ‘Theo . . .’ I trail off, unable to find any words beyond his name.

He moves forward on his knees and takes my hand from my mouth, placing it on his chest. My touch slips across his slick skin and over the grey letters. ‘Read it to me,’ he whispers, encouraging me to feel, holding my wrist in place as my fingers dance across the lengths of script. ‘Read it to me, Izzy.’

I look up at him through my lashes, stunned by what he’s done. ‘Why?’ I ask. ‘Why did you do this?’

‘Just read it.’

I look back down to his chest, my hand now covering part of the text, and flex my fingers until he allows me to remove my touch. And I read to myself:My love for her holds me prisoner.

Her faith leaves me in awe.

Her hope encourages mine.

And her touch reaches my soul.

She is my peace.

My cure.

My love.I flick my eyes up to his face as I try to push back the growing lump. ‘What is this?’

‘Read it to me. I want to hear you read it.’

I don’t need to look back down at his chest. Those seven lines are branded on my mind and heart. My soul. ‘My love for her holds me prisoner.’ I swallow, breathing through my task. ‘Her faith leaves me in awe.’ I close my eyes, my heart pulsing in my ears. ‘Her hope encourages mine,’ I whisper, forcing my lids to open. He nods, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it softly. I look down to his pec, my bottom lip quivering uncontrollably as I force myself to go on. ‘And her touch reaches my soul.’ I clench my teeth together, the words becoming distorted through my tears.

He’s suddenly moving, taking my hands in his and tugging me closer. ‘She is my peace,’ Theo continues for me. ‘My cure.’ He kisses the corner of my mouth, so very gently. ‘My love. Do you understand, Izzy?’ he asks, searching my welling eyes. ‘Do you realize how I feel about you?’

I stare at him as he stares at me, unwavering.

He swallows. ‘Everything I do is because I am in love with you. Not because I’m a fucking madman. Not because I thrive on violence. It’s because I fucking love you.’

I’m shocked into silence and stillness. And I can’t breathe.

‘I don’t want you to say anything,’ he whispers, collecting air. It’s a good thing he’s not expecting me to speak, because I’m incapable. I’m at a loss. Stunned. He clamps his eyes closed for the briefest of seconds, though I expect in the short space of time that they’re hidden from me, he collects a lifetime’s worth of courage. He sighs, like it’s a burden, and I will my body to relax in his hold, but I’m too damn shocked. ‘I just feel like you should have some warning.’

I find my voice, his choice of words helping me. ‘Warning?’ Like it could be dangerous for Theo to love me?

‘I don’t think you’ll find my love easy to accept,’ he murmurs sadly. ‘I think you’ll find it overbearing and suffocating.’

I hesitate for a beat. ‘Why?’

‘Because my instinct is telling me to hide you from the world and devote my life to keeping you safe.’ He watches me, gauging my reaction. I hope he’s not disappointed. I smile, and my body goes lax, and my heart skips a beat. Those words are golden, probably the most reassuring thing he could ever say to me.

‘I’ve already accepted it,’ I tell him quietly, straight-faced and cool. ‘Because I’ve fallen in love with you, too.’ His eyes widen as I swallow down the ball of emotion growing in my throat.

‘I told you I didn’t expect you to say anything.’

‘You need to know.’ I move forward, showing him my hands. He nods, and I place them gently on his muscled torso. He sucks in air and holds it, and I look up at him, finding him watching my hands as they glide over the finely tuned planes of his chest. ‘I feel like you should have some warning.’ I mirror his words quietly, and his eyes shoot to mine. I hold them. ‘Because I don’t think you’ll find my love easy to accept.’ I say what I know to be true.