‘Only because I don’t deserve it,’ he whispers, resting his hands over mine. ‘You are a good person, Izzy.’ He dips and places his forehead on mine. ‘I am not.’
I close my eyes and let that statement sink in. I know he lives on the wrong side of the law, and I also know that it won’t discourage me from loving him. To me, he is simply Theo. To me, he is comfort and love. I lift my hands from his chest and let him guide them over his shoulders, and then I move in, clinging to him tightly. I move my face to his neck, kissing it softly, my way of telling him I don’t care. Besides, I’m choosing to see Theo as a saint, not a sinner. He actually helps save lives. By using the scumbags as bargaining chips to his own advantage, he is, in fact, helping the women who fall victim to anger and beatings. How could I not support that?
‘Izzy,’ he breathes wearily. ‘I’m wired to charge when I feel threatened. It’s the way I’m built. It’s who I am. And that instinct has only grown stronger since I met you.’
I press my lips together and blink some clearness into my vision. Theo’s instinct is to fight under threat. To eliminate the danger. I cup his stubbled cheek, and he closes his eyes, nuzzling into my touch. ‘I understand.’
‘I realize that the best thing I can do when you’re upset or distressed is to get you away from the cause. Not add to it. It might just take me a while to train myself.’
I smile sadly, fully comprehending how much it takes for him to not only admit it, but actually do it. ‘I need to keep you,’ I say, leaning in and resting my mouth on his. ‘I need to know you’re not going to do something silly and give reason for someone to take you away from me.’
‘Oh Jesus, Izzy.’ He pushes his lips to mine and swallows me up in his kiss, holding me so tightly in his strong, safe arms. ‘I’m not worthy of your patience, your compassion, or your bravery to take me on.’
I hush him and embrace him, and he falls to his back, taking me with him. Resting my cheek on his shoulder, I stare across the vast expanse of his chest, reading the words he’s had emblazoned there. All of them are so profound, but one line I read over and over again.
My love for her love holds me prisoner.
I reach across to place my finger on the start of the words, smiling when Theo’s hand catches mine before my touch meets his skin. I wait for him to lower my hand to his chest, and then I ghost across the script slowly. And I wonder, does Theo realize that his love makes me feel free? With Theo in my present, I know my past can’t touch me.Chapter 21
It’s only been three days since I was asked to leave the hospital, and despite Theo keeping me busy, I feel like I’m slowly going out of my mind. I’ve had three days off before; it’s not alien, but the knowledge that I can’t return to work makes this stretch different. My job might be waiting for me, but I can’t go back. Not after everything that has happened.
I’ve researched positions throughout many of the London hospitals, and while there are plenty of vacancies to apply for, and I’ll apparently have a glowing reference from Susan, I’m stalling. I don’t know why. I feel safe with Theo, but vulnerable without my job. I feel comforted by his presence in my life, but anxious about depending on him too much. It’s all confusing and very conflicting.
As I suspected, the police haven’t been in touch. I asked Jess to drop off a letter of resignation yesterday and a letter of apology to Susan. I don’t expect it to make any difference, but I wanted her to know how sorry I am for what happened. I also asked Jess to check up on Mable. The dear old lady told her to tell me that the pain is still a five and her hip replacement went well. It brought a smile to my face.
I’ve also been reassured that Percy’s son has been . . . how did Theo put it? Taken care of. I balked when he told me that, and he saw it, smiling as he explained that there was no more damage for him to do, even if he wanted to. Apparently, the man caved under the pressure of Theo and Callum’s ominous presence and confessed his injuries were the result of a run-in with some unsavoury types he owed money to. I expect he had a gun held at his temple while he confessed.