Perfect Chaos

“I know, but do you truly believe I’d let that happen?”

She looks at me in question, and I wonder whether she’s thinking about that time when she depended on another man to keep her safe and he didn’t. The thought stabs at my skin repeatedly. I’m not that man.

Lainey glances away, and, fuck, I hate that she must be recalling how terrified she was when he abandoned her. It makes my blood boil. “I’ll never leave you,” I grate, feeling for her legs around my waist and encouraging them down until she finds her feet. “I’ll always be here for you.” I take her hands from my shoulders and bring them down between our bodies, starting to walk backward into the deeper end of the pool. She lets our arms stretch to full length between us, our hands clasped, before she follows my steps tentatively, eyes on mine. “I’ll always hold you, whether in water or not.” I don’t know where these sappy words are coming from, but they’re coming, with no hope of being denied. They’re sincere. They’re nothing but the truth.

I continue to walk back, feeling the water creeping up my body to my pecs. I refuse to drop our stare to look and be sure, but knowing the height I have on Lainey, I know the water must now be past her shoulders. Her hold of my hands tightens, and I stop midway across the pool, quickly checking where the water’s at on Lainey. She’s submerged to her neck. I breathe in and smile. “Look, baby.”

She shakes her head, refusing, her hands squeezing mine more. She must be on her tippy-toes.

“Lift your feet from the floor. I’ve got you.”

“I’ll go under.”

“You will not go under.” I move in a little closer to her. “I have your hands. Just lift your feet and let your body float to the top.”

“Promise me. Promise you won’t let go.”

“I promise. You can do it. Relax.” I say no more, watching her mind battling the fear to find the bravery I know is there. I feel her arms go a little lax, and I nod encouragingly. “That’s it. Keep looking at me. Pretend it’s just you and me in bed. How do you feel when we’re cuddling in bed?”

“Light,” she answers on a mere whisper.

“We’re in bed,” I begin, loving her natural and honest answer. My thumbs begin to stroke over the tops of her hands under the water. “We’ve just made love.” I’m picturing all of this in my mind, feeling all the amazing touches. “I turn you over so you’re facing away from me and curl my body around yours.” She sighs, listening intently. “How does that feel, Lainey? When we’re locked together?”

“It’s perfect.”

I smile, nodding my agreement. “I think so too.”

“How our legs naturally tangle together so comfortably. How your warm chest blankets me.” She smiles a little, looking almost sad. “How you hold my hand on my tummy so tightly. Like you’re worried I might run away from you.”

“I do worry.” I’m honest.

“How your soft breathing sinks into my ear. How you twitch a little as you’re drifting off.”

“I twitch?” I ask. This is news to me.

“A little. But I like it.”

“And I like that you’re a fidgety fucker.”

She doesn’t argue this time, accepting my claim. “Can you cuddle me tonight?”

Damn, I’ll cuddle her every fucking night. “Tighter than ever before.” I glance past her and smile. “Don’t panic, okay?”

“Why would I panic?” Panic springs into her eyes, her arms going ramrod straight.

“I said don’t panic.” I jiggle our held hands to encourage her to loosen them up.

“Okay.” She softens immediately. “What is it?”

“You’re floating.”

Her face drops and she glances around. “Oh my God.”

“Don’t panic, Lainey,” I say on a laugh.

“I’m not.” Her legs start kicking out behind her, causing huge splashes. “I’m not panicking.”

I laugh and tug her arms, hauling her into my body and gathering her close. She’s hanging from me in a second, squeezing me half to death. “I think that’s enough swimming for today.”

“I was floating!” she shrieks, half delighted, still half panicking. I wince, my eardrum ringing. “I can’t believe I was floating!”

“Clever girl.” I feel so fucking proud. It’s another step closer to conquering that fear. “Time to show me your gratitude.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” I walk us out of the pool and up the steps, placing Lainey on safe, dry land, before pointing to the lounger in order. “Hop on.”

“I’m all wet.”

I look down at my rousing cock, then up through my lashes to a dripping Lainey. “I should think so.” I grab the condom from the pocket of my discarded trousers and pounce, seizing her and taking her down to the lounger on a growl. Her surprised squeal echoes around the room, but before I get the chance to pin her down, she’s wriggling her way free, and before I can ask her what she’s playing at, she has me on my back, straddling my waist, and has plucked the condom from my fingers.