Asleep, awake. But the past mattered. It always mattered. There’s no erasing it, no sweeping it under the rug, no acting as if everything came before didn’t decide today.
Asleep.
Awake, and it’s morning. We didn’t close the curtains last night and sunlight is streaming into the bedroom. Over on the couch I hear Ava make an awake noise.
I had an idea during one of my asleep / awake cycles last night, and it’s come back to me.
“Hey,” I say, still facing the ceiling. “Are you any good at crafting?”
Ava sighs a long-suffering sigh. Rolls over. Waits for me to look at her.
“Bitch, I was in a sorority,” she says.
I burst out laughing.Chapter Forty-NineSethI’m lying on my couch, nearly to level 1,568 in Candy Crush, when there’s a knock on my door.
“No,” I mutter to myself, and swap some more jelly beans.
The knock sounds again, louder this time. That means it’s almost certainly a sibling.
Not that there was any doubt. Most other people in my life have the decency to call or text first.
“I’m the first one here?” Eli asks when I open the door.
I stand in the doorway, not inviting him in.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m the first one here,” he says, giving me a taunting, delighted grin I don’t really like. “You should probably get dressed.”
I’m in an old Loveless Brewing t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, because five minutes ago, I was playing phone games on my couch, but I step back and let him in anyway.
“I’m fine,” I tell him.
“Of course you are,” he says, taking off his coat and hanging it up. “That’s why you texted me at one o’clock this morning asking if there’s a meaningful difference between heavy cream and whipping cream.”
“It’s an important question.”
He walks into my kitchen and leans against the island, eyeing a plateful of cookies.
“You’re going to be the leading cause of obesity among Loveless Brewing employees,” he says.
“Those are tahini,” I say, nodding at the plate.
“Ooh,” he says, grabs one, takes a bite. Considers. “Odd, but pretty good.”
Next is Daniel, who knocks but doesn’t wait for a response before trying the door and finding it unlocked. It occurs to me that all four of them have keys to my place, so I should probably be grateful that Eli didn’t just waltz in.
He joins us at the island. Eli points out a small white spot on the back of one shoulder, so Daniel gets a wash cloth and dabs at it.
“You sure you don’t want kids?” he asks Eli sarcastically. “Once they stop spitting up, they start teething.”
“I’m the world’s happiest uncle,” Eli says, taking another cookie.
“I don’t need an intervention,” I say, knowing full well that resistance is futile. “This has happened before. It happens all the time, I just need —”
“You scheduled a phone interview with a brewery in Kansas,” Daniel interrupts, putting down the washcloth and taking a cookie. “Weird. What are these?”
“Tahini,” Eli says. “It’s the same stuff that makes hummus taste like hummus.”
“I like it.”
“Were you going through my emails?” I ask, leaning on the island and pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. “Do I have to start locking my —”
“You added it to your work calendar, dipshit,” Daniel says, genially. “The one you shared with me at least five years ago?”
“You look at that?”
Daniel doesn’t dignify that questions with a response, just gives me a look.
When Caleb arrives, he’s got a duffel bag with him and doesn’t even knock.
“Hey,” he says, walking over. “Mind if I put this upstairs?”
“Yes,” I tell him.
He grabs a cookie and eats it as he walks away, toward the stairs.
“These are good,” he calls as he climbs. “What’s in them?”
“Hummus,” answers Daniel.
“Tahini, which is also used to flavor hummus,” corrects Eli.
When Levi gets there, he knocks. Eli shouts for him to come in.
“You all ready?” he asks, coming over to the table. He’s got on a black wool coat, not his usual Carhartt work coat, which means something is really up.
“Let’s go,” says Daniel, brushing his hands off.
“Should we drive together?” Levi asks.
“Drive where?” I ask.
“You shouldn’t wear that,” Caleb says, apparently noticing my pajamas for the first time.
“Why?”
“Different pants, at least,” opines Levi. “Can I have one of these? They look good.”
I give up. I’m not going to win a battle of wills with all four of them, and besides, lying on my couch and playing dumb phone games while trying not to think about my ex isn’t that great of a night either.
“Go for it,” I say, and walk for the stairs.
“Weird but good, right?” Daniel confirms.
“What’s in them?”
“Tahini,” I call, climbing. “Which is the thing that makes hummus taste like hummus, they’re not hummus cookies.”
“I know what tahini is,” Levi calls back.Apparently, being the sad-sack guest of honor means I get to ride shotgun. Eli drives, since it’s his car, which leaves Levi, Caleb, and Daniel in the backseat. None of them look thrilled about it, but it seemed easier to take one car.