“I haven’t seen much of you lately.” He takes my bag and rolls it over next to his.
It’s his dig at Hunter. I get it. I’ve altered our pattern, but I had to. I couldn’t keep giving him all of me. It was too painful. Hunter is a nice guy and treats me right. We’ve been dating for a couple of months now. Nothing serious. Sure, neither one of us is dating anyone else, but we are a far cry from professing our love to one another. He’s easy to be around, and we enjoy our time together. For now, that’s all I have.
“You’ve been busy with the draft and graduation, as have I. Between school, my job, and the externship, it’s been hectic.” That’s all true. It’s also true that I might be studying more and making myself busier than usual. He’s leaving soon, and the distance is going to kill me. I needed to start the process of getting used to him not being there every day.
“And your boyfriend.” He says it as if the word leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“No? You sure do seem to be spending a lot of time together.” His tone isn’t accusing. If anything, I can hear the undertone of hurt. I hate that. I never want to hurt Cooper. However, he hurt me, and this is the only way I know how to deal. I’m slowly picking up the shattered pieces of my heart and laying them out on the table. One by one, I’m gluing them back together.
“We’re dating, Coop.”
“What does that mean exactly?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“It means that we enjoy each other’s company. We’re taking things slow. One day at a time.”
“Is he pissed that you’re here?”
“What? No. Of course not. And if he was, I wouldn’t care. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s a guy I’ve been dating. Nothing more. You’re my best friend.” The man I love. “I wouldn’t miss this. I’ve been on this ride with you since we were eight. No way am I missing the grand finale.”
“The grand finale, huh?” He grins.
“Yep. It’s all downhill from here. You’ve made it, Cooper. Tomorrow you find out where your future leads you.”
“Tomorrow? You got me pegged for the first round, Reese’s Pieces?” His grin is wide and contagious.
“Don’t do that. Don’t be modest with me. We both know how hard you’ve worked, and you know as well as I do that you’re going to know your fate tomorrow. And if you don’t believe me, I know your agent has been telling you what’s up.”
“Oh, you do, do you?” He chuckles.
“Stop.” I push on his arm. “Where is everyone?”
“They’re taking a later flight.”
“So, it’s just us?”
“Yep. Our parents are going to be there too. Did your mom and dad tell you they were going?”
“Yeah, Mom called me last night. I know they were on the fence, not sure if she could arrange the coverage at work.”
“Yep. They fly out tonight with Mom and Dad.”
“I’m so excited for you, Coop. I’m thrilled that we all get to be there with you to see your dreams come true.”
He steps closer and engulfs me in a hug. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here, Reese.”
My arms wrap around him, and I hug him tightly. I’ve missed him something fierce. I’ve missed his hugs. I’ve missed our talks. Just missed Cooper. I missed all of him.
I thought that keeping myself away from him was the right thing to do. I need my heart to heal, but in this moment, I realize I was wrong. I need as much time with him as I can get. These hugs are just down the road, and soon could potentially be across the country. I know his agent has a good idea of where he’s going. I know they’ve talked about it, but I’ve never asked. I don’t want to know. Not until I have to. I’ll deal with it then.
When he finally pulls away, his eyes catch mine. He stares down at me, and I swear if I didn’t know better, it’s yearning I see in his eyes.
“You all set?” I ask, breaking the moment between us. I can’t handle anymore moments. My heart won’t make it.
“Yeah. I’ll get our bags.” With a bag in each hand, he wheels them to the door. We’re only going to be gone for four days, so carry-on is all that we really need.
“Let’s take my car. It’s easier to maneuver in the parking garage at the airport.”
“Good idea.”
He places our bags in the back seat and slides behind the wheel. I get into the passenger side and hand him the keys. He’s driven my car countless times. In fact, he usually drives when we go somewhere, even if we take my car. This time though, it feels different. It’s a glimpse of what domestic life would be like between us, yet, at the same time, it feels like a cruel joke. This will never be us. We’re not going to be more than best friends. We’ll never be loading up our kids to go on vacation or visit our parents. I guess this time the reason is different because I know that the hope I once held is gone. Like a puff of dust into the early morning sky. Somehow, I need to learn to stop loving my best friend.