Chapter 27CooperI’ve been sitting outside of the banquet hall for about an hour. The rehearsal is supposed to start any minute, but for the life of me, I can’t make myself get out of my Jeep. I grip the wheel tighter and glance over at the seat at her wedding invitation. My best friend, the love of my life, is getting married, but she’s not marrying me.
I’m too late.
I wasted so much time on the fear of what-if. I was too damn blind and fucking stubborn to open my eyes and see what I had right in front of me. It didn’t matter who tried to make me see it. I pushed all possibilities that she could be mine way down deep. So deep that it wasn’t until she was no longer a part of my daily life after the draft and I moved, that those feelings started to rise up. Missing her made me realize that yes, she’s my best friend, but she’s also my fucking heart. I didn’t know that I needed her to breathe until I could no longer see her smile in the flesh every single day.
Now, though, now I know what this tightness in my chest is every time I think about her, or her name gets mentioned. I know why all I can think about is wrapping my arms around her and never letting go.
I’m in love with her.
Not just the “she’s been my best friend since I was eight, and we have so much history” kind of love. Although that rings true, that’s not all. No, it’s the “can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t think of anything but her” kind of love. It’s imagining our future together where I’m the one who gets to change her last name. A future where we build a family, and I get to make love to her every damn night before we fall asleep exhausted, just to wake up and do it all again the next day.
It’s the forever kind of love. I know this because there has never been a woman who can hold a candle to Reese in my eyes. I always thought I was just being picky, but after my dad called me out at dinner that night a few months ago, I really started to think. Think about my feelings for her, and what I want out of life. It didn’t take me long. Just one long sleepless night to determine that everything in my life pointed back to her. Back to Reese. She is who I want. She’s the missing link to my happiness.
I was going to tell her. I had it all planned out. I had to do my job first, though. Just one more game—the game of all games for a professional football player. I made up my mind that after the big game, we were going to talk. I even told her there were some things I needed to get off my chest. I had a job to do, but after the Super Bowl, I had planned to head back to Ohio, to Columbus specifically, and lay my heart out on the table for her. I was going to peel back all of the layers and tell her exactly what she means to me. What I didn’t plan on was Hunter proposing that very night.
Also, something I never expected was to receive a wedding invitation in the mail for a wedding that was happening just one month later. Again, my eyes travel to the passenger seat, where the invitation lies crinkled. I might have wadded it up when I read it. I also might have thrown the wadded-up paper across the room, only to stalk across the room five minutes later and pick it up. I unfolded it as best as I could and hung it on the refrigerator. I used a magnet of the two of us from our family vacation to the beach our junior year of high school.
So, here I am, sitting in the parking lot like the love-sick fool that I am, trying to find the strength to go in there and watch her practice to give herself to another man. I like to think of myself as a man’s man. I don’t show my emotions often, and I can handle just about anything that comes my way. I’m also man enough to admit that I can’t handle this. I don’t know how I’m going to survive these next two days.
A knock on my window startles me. Turning, I see Nixon and Tessa. Taking in a slow, deep breath, I hit the button to roll the window down.
“What are you doing sitting out here?” Nixon asks.
“I can’t go in there.”
“What? Of course, you can. Reese is getting married. She expects you to be there,” Tessa says, sassy as ever.