Things move quickly after that. Two nurses appear and begin fiddling with the machines. Allecto and I end up near the foot of the bed, and she throws an arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly as, one by one, the machines go silent.
The seconds tick by, filled with the roaring in my head. It’s over. It’s truly, finally, over. I hate that there’s an element of relief, hate that I’ve been grieving this woman for two-thirds of my life but somehow there’s still plenty left in the well. I’m shaking, but Allecto holds me steady. She doesn’t offer meaningless kind words or even look at me. She simply stands as a rock at my side, providing me with the strength I don’t have right now.
I feel like I blink and we’re in the car, heading back to the Underworld. “There are arrangements—”
“We’ll take care of it.” She glances at me. “Give yourself the day. Hell, give yourself the week, the month. As long as you need.”
If only it were that easy. My emotions are a tangled mess inside me, grief and anger and loss and helplessness. For so long, the shining star I’ve held aloft is hope that my mother would one day come back to me, that she’d open her eyes and we could finally be a family. A silly, childish dream.
My dreams for the future never extended beyond that point.
I lean back against the seat and watch the city blocks cruise by. I was born in Carver City, and I’ve lived here the entire time. First with my grandmother, then I moved into the Underworld and beneath Hades’s wing at twenty-one. I’ve never traveled, barely moved beyond the center of the city that compromises Hades’s territory. It’s never felt claustrophobic before, but now I can’t quite draw a full breath. “I have to get out of here.”
“Are you about to be sick in my car?”
I close my eyes. “No.”
Allecto is silent for a long moment. “You mean get out of the city.”
“Yes.”
“It might be good for you.”
That surprises me enough that I look at her. “What?”
She shrugs. “I know you’ve been happy here, but fuck, Aurora, you’re thirty. Even with Hades taking his percentage of your income in repayment, you have more than enough money to travel the world for a decade or two without worrying about finances. Why not do it?”
She’s right. I like my indulgences—pretty clothes and the best beauty supplies money can buy—but even with those expenses, I have a rather large savings account. Nearly ten years working as the premier submissive in the Underworld will do that for a person.
I tentatively consider the thought of traveling. It’s not unappealing, though my stomach twists nervously at the thought of being alone. Truly alone in a way I never have in life up to this point. There was always someone there. My grandmother. Then my found family in the Underworld: Allecto and Meg and Hercules and even Hades. My patrons, Gaeton and Hook and Ursa. Even a few boyfriends and girlfriends over the years, though those relationships didn’t last. “I’ll think about it.”
“Think fast. You have two weeks left in your contract.” She pulls into the parking garage beneath the Underworld and nods at the white guy manning the booth. He’s new enough that I haven’t memorized his name, but the intense way he looks at us says that he’s serious about his job. Good. After what happened with Tink’s personal items not too long ago, Hades has upped security throughout the building to ensure no one gets in that he doesn’t want there.
It’s not until Allecto’s parked and we’ve climbed out of the car that I really stop and think about what the deadline means. “Do you think he’s going to kick me out?”
She laughs. “Fuck no.”
“He kicked Tink out.” I follow her into the elevator and lean against the wall. “There’s no reason he won’t do the same to me.”
“I can think of several.” She rolls her eyes. “One: Tink might have been damn good at her job, but she didn’t really love working here. She was using it to hide. Two: not only do you genuinely love your job, but you bring in a truly absurd amount of money. He’ll keep you on as long as you want to be here, trust me.” She slants me a look. “Three: Hades has a soft spot for you.”
“He does not.”
“You know better.” Allecto snorts. “I’m not going to say he sees you as a daughter, because that’d be weird as shit, but he’s protective of you in a way that he isn’t of most people who work here. Just trust me on this.”
I want to, but my ability to be optimistic died with my decision to pull the plug on my mother. There’s nothing left but a strange, dark sensation in my chest. I should feel more, shouldn’t I? I should be crying and wailing and unable to function.