“He’ll find us,” Ryan whispers. “He’ll come for us.”
“Ryan, I… don’t…”
“Every time someone tried to hurt me Rory, my daddy would come for me. He’d save me.”
“Ryan…”
“He’ll come for me this time too.”
“Ryan…”
“He’ll come for me.”
“Okay, baby,” I finally say, holding him close and putting the side of my face against the top of his head, trying to envelope him… protect him.
“He’ll come for me,” he repeats.
“Okay, baby.”
“He’ll come for you too, Rory.”
“Okay, baby.”
“I know he will,” Ryan whispers, his fingers getting so tight when they bite into my skin that I know he’s scared. He’s worried this time his Dad won’t be there.
I can’t let the truth destroy him.
“Okay,” I whisper, rocking him, ignoring the silent tears that run down my face. “Okay.”7RoryOne Week Later“No,” Ryan says stubbornly. His little body solid, his face still pale but defiant.
“Sweetheart,” I start, but I have no idea what in the hell I’m going to say.
“No, Rory! I am not going to call him my dad! I have a Dad! He is not my dad!”
“I know, honey,” I tell him, feeling a little hopeless.
How do I tell Ryan to call my brother anything…? I wouldn’t in his place.
“He’s a monster! He hit you, Rory!” Ryan cries and I hate that he saw that. In the week that he’s been here, I’ve tried to shield him. I truly have.
I’ve also failed. When my brother goes off, there’s not much I can do. My hand goes up to my cheek in memory. It’s still tender, there’s a cut on it from the ring that my brother wears, but at least the swelling has gone down. I knew the hit was coming. He wanted Ryan to come eat dinner downstairs at the table while King was holding a small gathering. I knew that would be a disaster and I knew that if I had tried, Ryan would have been the one punished. So, I didn’t take Ryan down. Instead, I made sure he’d be in bed by seven and when King came to collect us… I told him there was no way, that Ryan felt bad and went to bed. I thought it would be safe. I knew what would happen, but I thought Ryan would be protected. I don’t have kids, I worked as a teacher, I should have known Ryan would be watching from the bed, but I thought he was asleep. I was wrong. Ryan saw my brother hit me—not once, but several times. He saw and heard my brother threaten me. That upset him, and he’s held that in, but hearing that he’s supposed to call my brother father tonight at our dinner? That’s what has him upset the most. I don’t know how to convince him—especially when I don’t really want to convince him.
“Let’s just try to get through this, okay?”
“Daddy should have been here by now, Rory. He’s always here by now,” Ryan whispers, his body trembling under my hand as I adjust his tie.
A tie.
Ryan is dressed in a suit with tie and cufflinks. He’s barely old enough to go to school. He shouldn’t be forced to wear a suit to dinner. A suit maybe to a wedding—if he’s a ring bearer or it’s family he cares about. He shouldn’t wear a suit to eat dinner with a monster. He shouldn’t be trembling and beginning to realize his dad isn’t coming for him either…
“Ryan, it will be okay,” I whisper lamely, because I don’t know what else to say. I hold him, squatting down so we’re more at eye level. The tight white dress I have on that has an overlay of puffed, hand-stitched roses over it, stretches like a glove that’s a little too tight. I’m gaining weight. I am hiding my pregnancy as best I can, but I’m gaining weight. Soon, I won’t be able to hide it. Soon, King will have something else besides Ryan to use against me. I have to get free somehow and soon. I have to do it for me, for Ryan and for my unborn baby. I have to do it and when I do it this time, I have to be smarter. I have to keep my head down and not fall for any of my brother’s tricks. He’s twisted and he enjoys them and they come in ways you can’t prepare for, but I can do it this time.
I have to.
There are too many counting on me now…“You look beautiful tonight, Rory,” my brother says as we walk into the large formal dining room with a glass table the size of an entire twelve by twelve room. There are thick cushioned white chairs surrounding it, too many to take time to count, because if I do that I have to take my eyes off of my brother and I’m not about to do that.