He studies my face and then finally gives me a resigned nod. I wring my hands together and look toward the door that says ICU on it, and then, even though I’m choking on fear…
I force myself to walk through it.22RoryI’ve envisioned seeing Noah again ever since Crusher told me that he was still alive. I didn’t want to see him again, but still I thought about it. I imagined his scorn, his anger and sometimes late at night, in a moment of weakness, I would let my wildest fantasies free and Noah would be on his knees begging me to forgive him.
But, not once… not in all of the time I’ve thought about him, did I envision seeing him hooked up to tubes, wires and machines.
Not once.
The reality of it is painful. My body goes cold, so cold that my teeth chatter. My heart slows its beat and each one jars my body, causing my chest to hurt. My knees go weak and my body sways and it takes physical effort to remain standing. Then, my mouth goes dry and yet somehow, I’m still swallowing rapidly to keep from losing the contents of my stomach.
“His kidney function has improved. It’s not great, but there has been that improvement. He’s still in there. He’s still fighting.”
My body jolts at the intrusion of a rough voice. I hadn’t realized there was anyone else in the room. I turn and standing by the door is a face I didn’t expect to see again. A familiar face… a face I put faith in at my lowest point and he somehow didn’t let me down. Never in my life has there been a man who hasn’t let me down or hurt me.
Not until Agent Lodge… Gavin. I owe him so much.
I don’t have it in me to smile right now. There are too many other emotions pushing through my system. But I do walk to him and I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but I hug him. His strong arms come around me and I have to work to keep my body from giving in and collapsing against him.
“I didn’t think I would see you again,” I whisper against him.
“I told you that I’d always be close,” he says and he definitely did say that, but I’m not used to men doing what they say—unless it’s all bad.
I step away from him, almost reluctantly. The last time we met, he helped to make sure I was hidden from King. He was in a suit and tie then. Today he’s wearing jeans, a pale blue flannel shirt and a white Stetson. He looks every inch the Montana cowboy and I’m not ready to notice a man, honestly. I don’t think I ever want another man in my life—but, I’d be stupid not to realize that he looks good both ways, but the cowboy look is definitely his best.
“I thought he was dead,” I whisper, my gaze shifting back to Noah. “Although, I’m not sure you can call this alive,” I add. I sit down in a chair by the bed, mostly because I can’t remain standing.
“He’s breathing some on his own, it’s not totally the machine, if he wasn’t he never would have lasted this long. But…”
“But?”
“They want to unhook him. Chances are he won’t survive without help.”
“When will they do that?” I ask, pain—white hot and intense thrusts through me.
“After you and Ryan say your goodbyes.”
“Noah wouldn’t want Ryan to see him like this,” I argue again.
What is it with all of these men that want to put Ryan through this?
“Probably not, but that boy needs a chance to say goodbye to his father.”
“He’s only five—”
“And when he gets older, he will resent anyone who didn’t let him say goodbye to his father,” Gavin interrupts.
“He’s so young and he’s been through so much already,” I murmur, worry thick in my voice.
“You’ll be there for him. That boy loves you. I could see that from the short time I got to spend with you. You’ll get him through this.”
“You have more faith in me than I do,” I tell him, wringing my hands together, unable to take my gaze away from Noah.
“Maybe I do, but I’ve been an agent for a long time. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s how to judge people. You’re good people Rory McDaniels.”
“You’re one of the few that think so. Even Noah… the last time I spoke with him… it wasn’t good,” I whisper. “I doubt he would want me here—and he doesn’t even know King is my brother.”
“If he wouldn’t want you here, he’s an idiot, but that doesn’t matter right now.”
“It doesn’t?” I ask him and finally I’m able to tear my gaze away from Noah to look at Gavin.
“No. You have things you need to say to him. This may be your only chance, so say them. It might help you heal,” Gavin says.