Rory (Savage MC-Tennessee 3)

Noah is gone.

Crusher was right—at least about one thing. This is for me and this is for Ryan. So, I decide to share my deepest worry. The one thing I haven’t shared with any of Noah’s friends and family. The one thing I don’t know how to address.

“I saw Vicki. I can’t imagine you with her, although if I’m honest, I was so caught up in you that I couldn’t imagine you with anyone. Anyone but me. That’s not what this is about though—not really. King… he has ways of making people fear him, he gets off on it. He’s done it to me my whole life. He likes to prove he’s smarter than you and I never realized that all along I was falling into his trap. Somehow, he knew I’d follow his breadcrumbs and end up where you were—even when that’s the last thing I wanted to do. Not that… Well okay, none of that matters now,” I mutter, getting lost with all of the thoughts going through my head. I take a breath and start again on the thing that worries me over everything else. “King needed Ryan to fear him, to teach him a lesson. He used Vicki to do that, Noah. It was bad, so bad. She was wasted and he offered her more, although I think it had other stuff in there…. But… she chose the drugs over her son, Noah. She even told Ryan…” I break off, the memory still jarring even now. “King killed her in front of Ryan, Noah. Ryan saw it all… heard too much. I tried to shield him, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t and now… I think he’s blocked it out. I’m pretty sure. He doesn’t talk much about that time, but lately he’s been crying a lot. He… he’s holding it all in. He needs you. Dragon and Crusher seem to think you could fight to come back. If you can, then that is your reason. Ryan needs you, Noah. But… if it’s too late, I’ll try. I’ll try,” I whisper. “They want him to see you now. I… I don’t think that’s a good idea, but I’ll talk to Ryan first and if this is what he wants, then I’ll bring him in to see you.”

For a second, I think I feel Noah’s hand jerk in mine. I stare at our hands, squeeze his as best I can and wait to see if it happens again.

Nothing.

Disappointment fills me, but that quickly leaves and I just feel foolish. This isn’t the movies and Noah won’t just magically wake up because he senses me. He never loved me and there at the end…

I bend down to place a small kiss on his forehead. “I loved you,” I murmur against his forehead. “I loved you and I would have loved our child just as fiercely. But you can rest knowing I’ll always love Ryan. I’ll protect him.” I pull away, realizing there’s nothing else to say, even if it doesn’t feel settled. I’m letting him go all over again, and there’s really nothing to make it better. I walk slowly to the door and then I turn around right as I get there.

“Goodbye, Noah,” I tell him, the words carrying a pain that surprises me. I thought I was prepared, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe… somewhere deep inside I was hoping for a miracle too.

I open the door and just as I take a step outside alarms begin to go off around Noah. I jerk around, fear mixing with the pain. I said goodbye, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to be here when he dies.

I just… don’t.24RoryI’m choking on fear, barely noticing as the nursing staff and doctors come running in.

“Wait outside please,” I’m ordered by one of them, but I don’t move. I just stand there watching them working on Noah.

My body quakes. I’m trembling so hard you would think there’s an earthquake centered directly underneath me. I gasp, jump slightly when I feel arms come around me. I look up to see Gavin there.

“Come on, sweetheart. Give them room to work,” he says. His face looks sad, his deep blue eyes are on me and there’s so much concern in them that I lose it. I give him my weight and I let the anguish out.

“Fuck,” he mutters and somehow, I hear that over my tears. He gathers me up, pulling me against his body and up into his arms so that he’s carrying me like a small child. I barely realize that I’m not standing anymore, I bury my head against his shoulder.

“I don’t want Noah to die,” I cry, the words broken and abnormally loud to my ears, but I’m gone. I can’t be strong anymore. I can’t. I could be strong while Noah’s heart was still beating. I could be strong as long as I didn’t have to face more death, but now? Now, I’m just done. I can’t deal with anything. “I know he hated me, but… God, Gavin, I love him,” I cry. I was wrong. I thought that I had cried enough tears, that I couldn’t cry anymore. But, these tears are flowing so hard I can only gasp and shudder to get oxygen to my lungs. These tears are coming so fast and so hard, that they are physically painful. It feels like each and every one of them is being torn from my insides. They’re so painful that it wouldn’t surprise me if they were tears of blood. They feel like they should be.