“Is he…” I hear Crusher’s voice, but I can’t look at him. I feel Gavin sit down and then I’m shifted so I’m curled on his lap.
“Dead,” I cry, hating the word, hating Crusher, hating Noah.
“They’re working with him,” Gavin says over me and I feel his rough hands in my hair, trying to soothe me.
“Motherfucker,” Crusher growls and I hear his chair scrape harshly against the tiled floor.
“Rory, you need to calm down and get control,” Gavin warns. “Ryan will be back soon and that little boy is going to need you.” The words are soft against my ear, but I’m too far gone.
“I don’t want him to die, Gavin. Even knowing he’s not mine to keep, I don’t want him to die,” I tell him in between gulping breaths.
“Rory, you—”
“It was okay when I thought he was already dead, I didn’t have to face it. I kept it in the back of my mind, but this… Oh God, Gavin! I’m not strong enough,” I cry. “I’m not strong enough to withstand it again, not now,” I moan. “He’s dead, Gavin. Dead. How will I survive? How will I tell Ryan?” I ask, shuddering in a jerky movement as the tears continue to flow.
“Rory?” I hear Ryan’s scared voice hit me and I thought it couldn’t get worse. I really thought it couldn’t.
“Shit,” I hear Gavin mutter, but my body is locked. I see my sweet, innocent boy. Pain and fear are carved on his perfect little face, as he stands there by Dragon.
I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know where I find the strength, but I slide from Gavin’s lap. I instinctively go to the floor, partly because I know my legs won’t hold me and partly because I want to be eye level with my boy.
“Baby,” I whimper to Ryan, holding out my arms.
“Daddy… did you say… is he…”
His little body is solid, standing perfectly still, but his face is pure terror.
“Come here, baby,” I whisper, holding my arms open.
For a minute, I think he will reject me. His face turns and he looks at Gavin, and then back behind him to Dragon. I expect him to go to Dragon. Dragon is part of his family, part of the group who have always been there for him. It hurts, but only because if I allow myself to think about it, Ryan is all I have. He’s my… family. I feel Gavin’s hand on my shoulder and I start to shift to get up, but I don’t get the chance. Ryan comes running, throwing his body into mine. I catch him, wrapping my arms around him.
“Daddy,” he cries and the sound of that one word is as anguished as I feel.
“It will be okay, baby. It will be okay,” I lie. “It will be okay,” I assure him, knowing inside that nothing will ever be okay again.
Nothing.25GavinI look up at the man who walked in with Ryan. I don’t know him, but he manages to pick up on what I need. He comes over and stands by Rory and I disengage myself going toward Noah Cross’s room. I look back over my shoulder and look at the woman on the floor crying. A woman who has had more pain in her life than one woman should. A woman who loves another woman’s son as if she gave birth to him herself. A good woman who deserves dreams to come true, not die. A woman who reminds me of someone else… someone I have regretted leaving for fucking years.
I slam that door shut. That dream is long gone, but Rory…
I walk in and the nurses and assistants are coming out. Crusher is standing there talking to a doctor and I go to stand beside him, listening because I need to. I need to help Rory and I need to do that anyway I can.
“We’ve got him stabilized. It appears that Mr. Cross’s blood pressure spiked, setting off alarms. It’s the damnedest thing,” the doctor adds, sounding puzzled. “I don’t want you to read anything into this but, he seems to be responding. I mean he has brainwave activity, and has shown response to outside stimuli sporadically, that’s the reason the board agreed to Agent Lodge’s request on maintaining privacy and continued care. It’s highly unusual and we normally transport patients such as Mr. Cross to a long-term care facility, but because of the nature of Agent Lodge’s investigation, we set that aside. Still, after this amount of time I’m not sure this has ever happened.”
“What’s happened?” I ask, needing to wrap my head around the problems before me and deal with them.
“Mr. Cross’s eyes are reacting to light. His hand reacted to squeezing and his leg reacted to a needle stick. It could be involuntary muscle movement, so I caution you to not get your hopes up until further tests are run, but…”