Am I a damn vegetable? I do my best to twist my head to see what I’m dealing with. That’s when I feel it. The hand on my shoulder, fingers splayed out against my bare skin and even in my haze I feel the warmth.
“It’s okay, Noah. They have your hands in restraints because when you came to at first you tried to pull at the tubes. They’ll come out, it’s just going to take time. You have to get stronger,” Rory whispers. I look at her, drink her in. I don’t know how long it has been since I’ve seen her face, but it feels like a lifetime. I thought she was gone forever.
Fuck, I thought I was gone.
She’s gorgeous, I always thought so, but right now her hair is a mess around her face, it’s brighter, more vibrant than I remember it being before. The waves are full and lush and I close my eyes for a second, unable to take in the beauty right then… it’s just too much. When she speaks again, I force myself to open my eyes, even though my eyelids feel much too heavy.
“Noah, Ryan is outside. He needs to come in for himself and see you’re—”
I jerk my head back and forth, not wanting Ryan to see me like this.
“Please, Noah. He thought… he thought you were dead. He just needs to see you. I’ll be with him. I’ll reassure him you’re okay. It will help him I promise.”
I want to scream no. I want to rip these damn tubes out and tell everyone to leave… everyone but Rory.
I can’t do any of that and being helpless is a feeling I’ve never truly had before and I don’t fucking like it. A wave of dizziness comes over me and the world seems to swim. I keep my eyes on Rory, letting her center me.
“Please?” she asks.
I blink, unable to talk but she holds my gaze and I know she understands.
“I’ll just let him stay a minute,” she whispers.
“She’s good, brother. I don’t know what your story is with her yet, but you need to know that she has given everything to keep Ryan safe. That boy loves her,” Crusher says and there’s this burning sensation that moves through me like a wildfire. I don’t get time to think about what he says and everything that makes me feel, because the door opens and Rory comes in holding Ryan’s hand. My gaze glues onto the two people that mean more to me than anything in this world. I see Ryan stumble and I know it’s because of what I look like. I jerk, wanting to break free and get rid of it all so Ryan doesn’t see me like this. My heart hammers in my chest and I feel so winded and exhausted all over again.
“Mr. Cross, you need to calm down before we have to sedate you,” a nurse says from the foot of the bed, looking at the monitor and pushing a silence button when it starts beeping.
“Daddy?” Ryan says, his voice so full of fear it hurts me. Everything is floating around me and I’m having trouble determining what’s going on, but I hear his voice and it penetrates.
I open my mouth around the tube, but no sound comes out. I can’t talk to my son. I can’t move.
I can’t do anything.
“Your dad is fine, Ryan. I promise. It’s just…he has just…” Rory stumbles and I try to focus on her words, the urge to fall back into the darkness is there, but I fucking fight it. “Your dad was really hurt, baby. His body had to kind of shut down so it could heal. The doctors weren’t sure he would be able to wake up, so they put him on a machine to help him breathe.”
“But he’s okay now, Rory?”
“He’s still sick, but he’s awake and he’ll get better,” Rory says and I can barely see them, but from my peripheral view I see them both turning to look at me.
“You promise?” Ryan asks, and I hate that he’s crying, well I’m almost sure he is.
Why is it so hard to focus?
How long have I been out?
How did Crusher get here?
“Hey, look at me,” Rory whispers. “Have I ever once lied to you, Ryan?”
“No,” he murmurs.
“Your dad is going to pull out of this and it won’t be long he’ll be able to talk to you and hug you again. For now, though, he can hear you, so what do you say you go say hi to him and tell him to get better soon?”
“You think that will help him?”
“You telling him to get better will make all the difference in the world.”
They get closer to me and it helps because I can see them more clearly. Rory bends down and picks Ryan up, bringing him closer where I can see him better. I see the fear on his face, but it’s just so damn good to see him again, that’s all I can concentrate on right now. Tears sting my eyes and slide out and I don’t give a damn.