I’ve never been in Tennessee, and to be honest I didn’t get to see much of it. Gunner brought us straight to Diesel’s compound. I don’t know what I expected. I thought he would live in a house with Ryan and maybe all these men had houses around him. I had no idea. I’ve never been exposed to the biker world. It became apparent immediately that Diesel’s world is definitely one hundred percent biker. He doesn’t live in a house separate from his men. They all live in a giant brick building—which I’m almost sure used to be an elementary school. There’s a bar area that I swear looks like it used to be a gym. You can go through double doors to it, and there’s two side doors that lead to a really huge kitchen. There are doors on the far end that lead to the back of a stage. There’s constant music blaring and scantily clad women dancing on poles. There are steps up to the stage itself and several tables on the wide ledge—almost deck—at the top of the stairs. I’ve learned from the other women that those are officer tables. I guess Diesel likes to be closer to the naked women, or almost naked. There are two large halls one on each side of the main entrance and they all lead to rooms—which is another reason I’m sure it was a school. Diesel’s room is the largest by far and there’s a room inside of it that includes a walk-in shower and huge soaking tub. I’m almost certain that his room used to be a library and the bathroom was the librarian’s office.
I only know what Diesel’s room looks like because it’s where I was put. Some guy named Fury had all of my belongings—which admittedly is not much—brought here and told me that this is where I’ll be staying. I would have argued the point, but it’s clearly the nicest room here and Diesel’s not going to be here anyway. I’ve spent the day with Ryan escorting me around and introducing me to everyone. It almost feels like he is showing me off, which can be a little embarrassing, but is also unbelievably sweet.
Crusher hasn’t made it back yet, although I heard the others talking that he will be back really late tonight. Apparently, he rode on a medical transport flight with Diesel. I didn’t realize they did those to send someone to a rehab facility, but I suspect Gavin Lodge had something to do with that. He’s such a nice guy, why couldn’t I fall for a guy like that? He even called me to make sure I got here safe. I’m pretty sure that’s not in his normal job description.
I’ve had a busy day of meeting everyone here and for the most part I’ve liked everyone. Dani and Torrent are easily my favorites, both have been really nice to me. Torrent is pregnant, but I’m doing my best to ignore that. She doesn’t need me melting down like I did with Nicole. This is life and I need to learn to face it.
No matter how much it sucks.
It’s only nine, and I don’t normally go to bed so early, but I’m exhausted and we’re finally out of Montana. I’m not looking for King to barge in at any minute to steal Ryan away, so I’m going to bed. Tomorrow I will worry about what I’m going to do during the short time I’m living in Tennessee. I need to have a plan before Diesel gets out of rehab. I can’t handle being around him… I just can’t.
I climb into the bed, doing my best to ignore the fact that Diesel has slept here before. I don’t want to think about that. I was afraid the down comforter and soft white sheets would smell like him, but they don’t. They smell fresh, as if they have just been laundered and I would suspect I have Dani to thank for that. Hopefully that will help me sleep.
I’m reaching over to turn off the lamp on the bedside table when there’s a knock at my door. I don’t get time to say anything—or even react—before the door is opened. I started to lock it, but I didn’t want to in case Ryan came to find me. Turns out that was a good plan, because the little guy is standing at the door looking nervous.
“Rory?”
“Yeah baby?”
“Can I… sleep with you tonight?”
“I thought you were sleeping in Dakota’s room and watching movies tonight?” I ask with a smile, and sitting up as he walks over to me.
“I thought you might get scared without me. You know to watch over you,” he says his bottom lip quivering, although he rolls it inward and does his best to hide it. Something settles inside of me. I thought when Ryan got back here among his family and friends that I’d become just an afterthought in his life. Knowing he still needs me means everything, even if the reason behind it sucks.