“I fucked up, Rory. I let my past cloud my judgment. What you don’t get is that my past was bad. That’s not an excuse, but it is a fact.”
“I don’t—”
“But I had a vasectomy. I honestly thought I couldn’t have babies. So, I had this woman that I cared for. I had her in my arms, I let my guard down. I let her near the only thing in this world that mattered to me, I let her near my child and I let my heart guide me and not my head. Then you come at me with something I honestly thought couldn’t happen—something a doctor assured me couldn’t happen.”
“Will you—”
“The past taught me hard lessons, Rory, lessons that I fell back on without thinking and I lashed out. That’s not right, and it’s not fair, but it’s the God’s honest truth.”
“What do you want me to say to that?”
“I want you to know that I was working through it in my head. Had things not gone down like they had, I would have fixed it. I swear. I was already planning on seeing a doctor. I would have fixed the mess I made.”
Her eyes scan my face and for a minute I think I see indecision and I feel a spark of hope. Then, she shuts it down. I watch it as it happens. I can see it clearly, but I don’t give up.
“Diesel—”
“Noah,” I tell her and I don’t give a fuck that it sounds like I’m pleading. Hell, maybe I am. “No one calls me that. That’s yours. That’s who I am to you and that’s what you call me, Rory. I’m Noah to you.”
She swallows and I can see a hint of uncertainty in her face. I don’t know what that means for me, but I’m hoping that I’m getting to her.
“Regardless, you still needed a doctor to prove something to you. You didn’t believe me. You don’t trust me.”
“When I was in that truck and I knew that was it, I knew I wasn't going to be able to protect my son. I knew I wasn’t going to survive. I had two thoughts, Rory. Two.”
“N…Noah…”
“I grieved that I wouldn’t have the chance to fix what was between us and I knew that you were the only one I could trust with my son. I told him to go to you. To you, Rory. Does that sound like a man who didn’t care about you, or trust you?”
“Maybe, or maybe you were just a man who didn’t have many options,” she reasons.
“You can believe that if you want, Gorgeous. But I’m telling you right now that I was a man saying goodbye to the two things in his life that he loved. You might not have been there, but I’m standing here right now, and I’m telling you that was exactly what I was doing. I might have fucked up, Rory. I get that. You might need time to trust this change in me and trust me when I tell you, Gorgeous, I fucking get that. But, you have to give me a chance to prove it to you. You have to.”
“Why, Noah? Why do I have to?” she asks, quietly.
“Because I fought to come back to you, Rory. I fought to come back and I’m going to fight for you now and I’m not giving up.”
“Noah.”
“I’m not giving up. I had a taste of life without you Rory and I never want to fucking experience that again. I’m not letting you go.”
I give her that vow. I let her stare at me and I can feel her pulse beating harshly against my hand. Before she can respond—possibly to tell me to go fuck myself—I lean in deeper and I take her mouth.
Maybe I surprised her, but she doesn’t close her mouth from me. She opens for my kiss right away. My tongue sweeps in, seeking her. I moan at the familiar taste of her, the heat of her mouth, the sweet depths that I thought I might never taste again. Her tongue comes up shyly to touch mine and I tangle mine with hers. The kiss deepens and I swallow her groan, as her fingers tangle into my hair and she pulls me to her. Our tongues war with one another, our mouths biting at each other as we let our hunger take over and make up for the months we’ve been apart.
“Rory, baby,” I groan, when we break apart just enough to take a breath, before I immediately claim her mouth again.
“Daddy?” Ryan’s voice intrudes, just as my hand moves down to cup Rory’s breast. I squeeze, cursing under my breath as I pull away just enough to look into Rory’s confused face. I see hunger in her gaze though, and for now that’s enough. I squeeze her breast again and even with the sheet and her pajama top between, I still feel her hardened nipple press against my palm.