“I get that, Gorgeous. I get it more than you will ever know.
“What happens if I can’t be her again?”
“Sweetheart, you are her.”
“But, I’m not. Not really, Noah. I’m not the same and…”
“And what, Rory. Tell me.”
“What if all I will ever be is… what I am now?” she whispers, and she sounds so broken, so scared that it hurts me.
I did this to her. I didn’t do all of it, but I did my fair share of damage.
“I loved you then, Rory. I love you more now.”
“Noah—”
“We all change, Rory. No one stays the same. I’ve changed, and in my case, that’s a good thing. I don’t know what our future holds, but I can tell you one thing and it’s a promise.”
“What?” she whispers, tears silently streaming down her face still. I can’t stand the sight of them, because I know I’m the one that helped put that pain inside of her.
“If you let me in—if you let me just get my foot in the door, I swear that I will work my ass into the ground so that you never have a reason to regret it.”
“Noah.”
“I swear to Christ, Rory. I’ll never give you a reason to regret it,” I vow again.
“I’m so tired, Noah,” she whispers quietly. “I’m just so tired of trying to keep fighting.”
“Then stop, Rory. Stop and lean on me. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll protect you and Ryan. I won’t let you down again. Rest and lean on me. Let me fight for you.”
“I’m scared.”
“I’ll take that fear away too, Rory. Eventually I’ll take it all away. I promise you.”
“I’m not sure, Noah. Will you hate me if I tell you that I need time?”
“I could never hate you, Rory,” I tell her, my chest hurting because I wasn’t able to break through to her, at least not completely. I won’t stop though. I thought earlier, before she asked me to stay with her that it was completely over, at least now I have hope and that’s enough to keep me going.
I move on the bed so I’m on my side and then I pull Rory and help her move to her side too. Her back is pressed against my front. I curse the clothes I have on, wishing my sweat pants didn’t stop me from feeling her soft legs.
Maybe someday.
“Sleep, Gorgeous. Just close those beautiful green eyes and rest. I’ll keep you safe. You rest and let it all go. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow,” I tell her, deciding to follow my own advice.
“Noah?”
“Yeah, Baby?”
“You were wrong.”
“About what?” I murmur, letting my fingers paint imaginary lines over her arm.
“I’m not everything. There’s Ryan and he’s everything. You may not have gotten him with the dream you wanted, but he’s everything good and beautiful. He’s his own kind of dream,” she whispers. I think over her words and I do it smiling.
“He is, but Rory, you have him too. You love Ryan and he loves you too. He belongs to you too, now.”
She goes still in my arms, but she doesn’t reply. Eventually her breathing evens out and I figure she’s finally let sleep claim her. I close my eyes, my arms full of the woman I love and I send up a prayer to the man upstairs to help me find a way to prove to her that I mean what I say. I don’t know if he listens to me, but I figure it can’t hurt.
“Sweet dreams, Gorgeous. I promise no one will ever hurt you again. I’m going to make sure you’re surrounded by nothing but family and good from here out. Even if you decide you can never forgive me, I’ll make sure you always have good in your life,” I vow, kissing the top of her head.
Only then do I let myself fall to sleep too.40RoryWhen it comes to you, I’ll never be done.
I’ll always keep trying, I don’t have a choice. Without you, nothing else matters...It’s barely daylight outside. The morning sun is pale and just starting to peek through the curtains. A glance at the clock on the nightstand tells me it’s barely five in the morning. Sometime during the night our positions shifted and Noah is on his back and I’m on my side, my head resting on his chest, my leg draped over one of his. His warm body fighting away the morning chill. I look up to find his eyes are closed and he’s still sleeping.
His words woke me up, however. They just keep replaying over and over in my head.You’re not a fence I’m trying to mend.
You’re the reason I’m still breathing.
You’re everything, Gorgeous. Every. Fucking. Thing.More keep coming. All words he gave me last night. All words I listened to, but words I was too hurt to truly listen to. I don’t have a choice this morning. They’re all swirling in my head like a broken melody, looking for someone to sing them.