My body goes stiff as disappointment knifes through me.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, sensing the change in me.
“We can’t do this, Noah. Not without a condom.”
Those beautiful eyes of his that I love, instantly lose their relaxed vibe as disbelief sweeps over his face.
“Are you serious right now?”
“Very,” I tell him, my mouth suddenly dry, my heart slamming against my chest and I think I could easily be having a panic attack.
“Rory, I love you. You know that.”
“I do, but—”
“I’m not going anywhere. I told you that you and Ryan are my priority. I sure as hell don’t have any other women in my bed,” he growls and he’s seriously pissed off now. I’m still trying to sift through all of the emotions that seem to be hitting me at once. Noah isn’t giving me a chance to do that however. He keeps at me. “Do you not see that?”
“Yes, I just—”
“Are you telling me you don’t fucking believe I love you?”
“Noah, if you—”
“If I what, Rory? If I just agree to wear a fucking condom for the rest of my life? I get that I let you down, Gorgeous. I get that I made every fucking mistake a man could make with a good woman. I fucking relive it every fucking day, wishing I could change it, but I can’t. All I can do is try to make it up to you.”
“Noah—”
“But I can’t make it up to you if you don’t let me, Rory. I can’t.”
“I just need time,” I tell him, wondering how things changed on a dime, so drastically.
“Time? Rory, I’m a man who lost months of his life, who thought he had seen the woman he loved and his son for the last time. I’ve been fighting like hell to come back and thankful I got a second chance. I don’t feel like wasting any more time. I want every fucking moment of the rest of my life filled with you and Ryan. That’s it. That’s where I am at here.”
“Noah,” I whisper brokenly. His words are beautiful, but they stir so much pain inside of me. “I’m not… I mean, I’m not ready for… I could get pregnant.”
“And I fucking pray you do. I pray for it, Rory. I want it. I want to give you another child.”
“We can’t replace the child we lost,” I tell him, the pain alive inside of me.
“I know that. God! Don’t you think I know that? But we could have more children. We could have a good life and Ryan would be surrounded by brothers and sisters.”
“I just can’t… not right now,” I tell him, feeling raw inside.
“Fine,” he says, sounding tired.
He reaches up and shifts my body so I’m lying on my back. I scramble to find the sheet and pull it over me, suddenly feeling way too exposed.
“Fine?” I ask confused.
“You don’t want to have another child with me, that’s fine, Rory. I’ll wrap up for the rest of my life. I’ll go have another surgery performed and have them make sure it’s irreversible. I’ll do whatever you want.”
“You will?” I ask, shock thrusting through me at the speed of light. On the heels of that thought is the one that I don’t want him to fix it so he can’t have children. It’s a crazy thought, since I basically just told him I don’t want to get pregnant again. My brain is a mess… My life is a mess… Shit. I’m a mess.
“If it means I can have you for the rest of my life, Rory, I’ll make the damn appointment today.”
“Noah, I don’t—”
“I just need one small thing from you,” he adds, interrupting me.
“What?” I ask, the word barely more than a quiet breath you have to strain to hear.
“Do you love me?”
“I… What?”
“It’s a simple question, Gorgeous. Do you love me? Is it too late? Did I kill whatever you had inside for me? Or…Do…You… Love… Me?”
My mouth goes dry and my heart literally turns over inside of my chest.
“Noah—”
“Yes or no, Rory. That’s all you have to say.”
“It’s complicated,” I start, trying to figure out how to make him understand the fear inside of me.
“It’s not,” he says, getting out of bed. I watch as he walks to the dresser tagging his jeans off the top of it and then stepping into them. “It’s not complicated at all and it just got a fuck of a lot clearer,” he says.
“Noah,” I cry as he walks away, but he doesn’t respond, even though I see his body jerk when I say his name. He doesn’t stop walking and I jump as the door slams loudly behind him.51Diesel“You think maybe we ought to hold back, Hoss? Get the lay of the land and see what King is doing before we go rushing in?” Crusher questions.
I look around at my men and they’re all staring at me like I’m crazy. Fuck, I am. I lost my head with Rory. I promised I’d go slow and not rush her and then I acted like a fucking Neanderthal. I stomped out of our room without shoes or a shirt and I’m standing in front of my men looking basically the same. There’s no way I’m ready to go back to our room to finish getting dressed though and I need to get shit handled. If Rory doesn’t want to stay with me then I have to make sure she’s safe. The only way I know to do that is to kill the motherfucker and I’m not going to delay in doing that.