“I don’t know who she is,” his deep voice rumbles, his face completely closed off.
It feels like a slap in the face, but then it’s also totally fair. He didn’t know who I was—not really. In some ways he probably knew me better than anyone else in my life, but I doubt he would agree to that—especially now.
My body trembles a little and I know Wolf feels it by the way his arm tightens on me. I get mad at myself. I shouldn’t give myself away so easily. The girl I was before…my father’s death seems to be hiding. I can’t find her.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find her again.
“It was nice of you to come to show your respects to my father,” I respond, but I direct my words to Diesel.
Devil makes a sound, close to a snort, his face not showing humor at all. I let it go. Diesel doesn’t respond. He just looks at me funny.
“We’ll talk back at the clubhouse. I’m going to take Torrent to the graveside,” Wolf says, giving my hand a squeeze.
Diesel responds to him, but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you one word of what he said. Then Wolf puts his arm at my back and turns me away from the other men.
I try not to feel shame because Devil will see me wearing the cut that Wolf had made for me. I can’t help but be self-conscious though. I didn’t specifically want to wear it. In the past three weeks since all of this happened, Wolf has been so attentive. He’s been worried about me and done his best to take care of me. I love him for that, but I definitely don’t love him. I’ve told him that. He keeps insisting that for my safety he needs to claim me, so that other clubs, and his own club—my dad’s own club—will see me as claimed and protected. I’m not blind to this world, so I can see his point on some levels, but I’ve told Wolf continuously that I’m not ready for a relationship.
Hell, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I think there’s something broken inside of me now. It’s so hugely broken that I’m not sure I’ll ever be whole again.
“Are you okay, Tor?” Wolf asks when we are a small distance away from Devil.
“I’m not sure I’m going to be okay this entire day, Wolf—or maybe ever again.”
“You’ll get through this, sweetheart. Dodger would be proud of how strong you are.”
“I don’t really feel strong.”
“How well do you know Devil?” he asks and I knew that question was coming. Dad knew I had seen Devil, but he took great pains in not telling Wolf. He always tried to protect me… and maybe Wolf. He truly believed I’d be happy with Wolf, that Wolf would make me happy. Maybe he was right. I don’t know. Having Wolf to lean on the last three weeks has helped me to at least function. I don’t want to lie to Wolf now… but I can’t make myself tell him the truth either.
“Not that well. Our paths crossed from time to time. Mostly in the park across from the convent or in the town when we would be volunteering. That’s why he thought I was a nun.”
“Oh. Yeah. That makes sense,” Wolf says and he seems to let it drop. I breathe a sigh of relief.
I let thoughts of Devil, our past, and how we met again, slide from my mind as my father’s grave comes into view. This is going to be hard enough without adding Devil into my thoughts. Besides… how I feel about him doesn’t matter anymore. That’s all behind me.
Nothing is the same anymore.
Nothing.Devil“You okay, man?” Diesel asks. I’ve lost track of exactly how many times he’s asked that shit. I down another drink of my beer in response. I could use something besides beer, but getting shit-faced here probably wouldn’t be the wisest move. Partly because I don’t entirely trust this club and I sure as hell won’t be able to watch Diesel’s back—or my own—and partly because if I get too drunk, I’ll probably go over to Torrent, drag her out of here and demand to know why she lied to me… or fuck her senseless… maybe both.
Neither one of those are an option. So instead, I’m sitting on the top of an old picnic table, my feet on the seat, drinking a beer that’s way too warm to drink, and staring over at the bonfire while Torrent talks with that fucker, Wolf and a few other men. There’s other women here, and I’ve had a few come on to me, but seeing Torrent again has caused my dick to go into hiding. It’s either seeing her again, or seeing her wear another man’s cut.