He isn’t in his bed, though. In fact, there’s no sign he’s been anywhere in this damn apartment for a long time. I find Hannah in the living room, holding a golden record in her arms.
“Are you right?” I tease her. “I feel like I should leave you two alone. Give you some privacy.”
“Sorry,” she says, placing the record back in the display cabinet. “I just can’t believe I’m going through a rock stars house.”
“Really? I thought this was your MO.” She glares at me, her cheeks going pink.
God she’s cute when she blushes like that.
“Sorry.” I grin, not really sorry at all. “It’s still pretty funny.”
“I’m sure it was—for anyone other than me,” she replies, her tone testy.
“You’ll look back on it in ten years and laugh,” I promise.
“No, I’m pretty sure I’ll be just as mortified,” she assures me. “As much as I love reliving the most embarrassing moments of my life, what now?” she asks, looking around.
“We try and figure out when he was here last and where he might’ve gone,” I say.
To be honest, I’m not sure what to do from here.
“Are you sure he hasn’t just gone off somewhere with some chick?” Hannah asks. “Maybe this is all about avoiding you, until his time in rehab is over?”
“Maybe, but what if it’s not?” I question. “I’d rather look like an idiot, because I care too much than wish I’d taken this seriously.”
Hannah looks at me, her forehead creased. She sits down on the couch and studies me for a moment. I sit down next to her; pretty sure I know what’s coming. More questions about Brix.
“Am I missing something?” she asks. “What exactly are you worried about?” she asks. “What makes you think he’s in trouble?”
I hesitate, rolling my shoulders forward as I rest my elbows on my legs. I want to tell her everything, but I’m not sure it’s my place to tell. It’s weird, but I really do feel like I can trust her and I want her to trust me.
“Do you remember what send Brix to rehab in the first place?” I finally ask.
“Sure. Three hookers and a pound of coke.” She giggles, then covers her mouth. “Sorry. I know it’s not funny, but it sounds like the start of a bad joke.”
“Kind of like the girl who got her rocks off in a rock stars bed?” I grin.
She glowers at me, so I get back to my story.
“The hookers that Brix was caught with?” I pause, getting the words right in my head. “They weren’t female hookers.”
Her jaw drops. She stares at me, her eyes wide.
“Brix is gay?” she whispers. “Womanizing, different chick every week Brix Wilson is into men?”
I nod. “Well, I think he is. It’s the impression I got from his intensive therapy sessions.”
“Wow,” she mutters, shaking her head. “I can’t even … this is so hard to even imagine. Wasn’t he engaged to that supermodel for like a week last year?”
I nod. I’d forgotten about that. They had a huge fight and broke up ten days later. I’d wondered what it was about, but I’d just assumed it was Brix being Brix.
“Okay, but so what? Brix is gay. It’s not a big deal, right?” she shakes her head. “I guess I don’t understand what you’re so worried about?” she asks. “His mental state?” she guesses.
I nod. “That’s exactly it. He’s so focused on how other people see him. He’s always been like that. I know he’d be worrying about what this would do to his career if it got out.”
It’s so hard working out what behaviors are bought on by what, when it comes to Brix. He’s a messed up rock star with more money than he knows what to do with, and enough problems that it’s tempting to try and drown them out. If he’s worried about what his fans are going to say, he’ll do whatever he needs to in order to avoid listening to it. I used to think all his acting out was because of our childhood, but what if it was his way of coping with this?
“But why does being gay have to be such a big deal?” she asks. “The people close to him aren’t going to care.”
“The millions of women in love with him might,” I point out.
“You really think this would affect his career?”
I shrug. “No. But it doesn’t matter what I think if Brix believes it will.”
Hannah nods, finally getting it. “It must've been rough on both of you, losing your parents like that.”
“It was. But it’s also that's the funny thing it was almost like a relief. It was such a volatile relationship, before that point anyway. Some nights I’d go to sleep praying for an escape. I never expected or wanted it to be like that, but part of me still felt relief.”