Too Much Information (Awkward Love 3)

“St. John’s,” Matt says.

I disappear outside and lean against the railing, taking a moment to breathe. I could have just sent Mom a text inside, but I needed a second to myself. I close my eyes and breathe in again, shivering as the cool air hits my lungs.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

My eyes fly open. Luke stands in front of me, an amused smile on his face. I guess I’m quite the sight, standing there in the cold, eyes closed and breathing heavily. I’m a walking, talking phone sex commercial.

“I got your message, so I thought I’d come over and see if I could help out.” He frowns at me, probably just noticing the tears and the blotchy red face. “Is something wrong? Is the baby okay? Is Annie okay? Is Matt—”

“Calm down.” I take his hands because he looks like the one who needs to breathe now. “The baby is fine; everything is fine. I’m just a little overwhelmed, I guess.”

“Overwhelmed or feeling a little clucky?” he teases.

“Trust me, I’m in no way clucky,” I say with a smile.

If only he knew.

We walk back inside. I quickly text Mom when I remember that’s what I went outside for in the first place. I vaguely listen to Luke chattering beside me about how much babies scare him.

“So, neonatal was a hard no, then?”

He shudders. “Definitely not. Can you imagine how many shitty diapers you’d have to change?”

“Or you could go the other way and go into geriatrics and probably change the same number,” I joke.

He shakes his head and frowns at me.

“You say the most offensive things, sometimes,” he comments.

“Oh, like you can talk,” I retort, to which he laughs.

The contractions have eased off, which I know can happen, so I decide to stay the night, just in case I’m needed. That and it’s nearing close to midnight anyway.

“I can stay too,” Luke offers.

“You might as well go home and get a decent sleep,” I say. “I’ll just be sleeping on the couch.”

“If you’re sure,” he says. I nod. “Then I’ll sleep with my phone on. That way, if you need my help, you can call.”

I nod and walk him outside. I wrap my arms around his waist, smiling as he cups my chin in his strong hands, lifting it up to his mouth.

“See you soon,” he murmurs, his lips grazing over mine. I shiver, amazed that his kiss still delivers that same tingle I felt when we first kissed.

“Bye,” I say. The words catch in my throat. He waves at me and disappears over to his car.

I walk back in and settle down on the couch, but I know getting myself to sleep is going to be hopeless. All I can think about is Luke. Becca was right. I am falling hard for him. And fast. I should’ve had the conversation with him a long time ago, and now I’ve backed myself into a corner that I’m not sure I can get out of.

What if he ends up hating me? I question myself.

He might not at first, but the last thing I want is to be the reason he can’t be a father. He might say he’s fine with it, but then end up resenting me in ten years. It would’ve been so much easier to walk away before all these feelings began to develop.

I’m so damn selfish.

I only considered my own feelings in all of this when I should have been thinking of his.I guess at some point I fell asleep because I’m woken up by Matt furiously shaking my arm, screaming in my ear over and over again, “She’s having the baby, she’s having the baby.” I sit up, taking a second to compose myself before I spring into action. I’m already dressed, so that’s a bonus.

“Have you called an ambulance?” I ask him, remaining as calm as I can. I’m not convinced the baby will wait long enough for us to drive to the hospital.

He nods, shifting on his feet impatiently. Anyone would think that he’s the one who’s going to be popping out a baby. I walk into the bedroom. Annie tries to smile at me. She winces in pain as I crouch down beside her.

“How are you doing?” I ask her. She shrugs, trying to smile. “Can you lift your legs up and tuck them close to you? I’m just going to have a bit of a look and see how dilated you are.”

Her eyes widen. “You think you’re sticking your hand where?” she yelps. “I’m sorry, but isn’t that kind of overstepping the boundaries of family?”

“I’m a doctor.”

I hide my smile. Maybe if I tell her my story, this won’t seem as bad. She takes a deep breath and lifts her legs up, squeezing her eyes closed. She places her tightly clenched fists against her stomach.