“Hey,” I say.
My heart pumps wildly in my chest. There are so many things I want to say to him, but I don’t know where to start. I slowly edge closer to him.
“Sorry to walk in. I did knock…”
“It’s fine,” I say with a smile. Milton comes bounding into the room. Luke looks at him, confused. “Iris broke her hip. She’s in the hospital.”
“Shit, are you okay?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m fine.” I wet my lips and look at him. “Why are you here?”
“I just came to get a few more of my things,” he mumbles. “I’m not sure if you got my letter, but I thought it might be best to just go to my apartment and give you some space…”
I nod, blinking back tears. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”
I turn around and walk back into my room, cursing myself for not reaching out to him. I fight back tears as I fling myself on the mattress. Milton plants himself on my stomach, purring madly as I gently stroke his back. I’m such a coward. He wrote me a letter and I can’t tell him the damn truth? I owe him that much. I’ve messed things up for good this time.
I hear a chuckle and open my eyes. Luke stands in the doorway, smiling at me. I smile back, through my tears. I so badly want to tell him everything, but every time I try to speak, I choke.
He smirks as he walks over to me.
“I’ve dreamed of this moment so many times, you know. Walking into your room and finding you on your bed, rubbing your pussy.”
“Only it’s not my pussy I’m rubbing,” I fire back. “It’s my eighty-year-old neighbors.”
He winces. “And there’s that fantasy crushed. Thanks for that.”
I laugh and sit up as he climbs onto the bed next to me.
“You’re not okay, are you? You’re feeling bad you weren’t there for her.”
I’ve been neglecting her since…”
“Me?” he supplies. I smile. It’s like he knows me. “This isn’t your fault, Laura. And she’s fine, right?”
“I know, but I still feel bad.” My heart races. “I’ve missed you so much.” I finally choke the words out. He wraps his arms around me while I lie back down, sobbing.
“I’ve missed you, too. More than anything.”
He tilts my face up to his and kisses me. He hesitates for a moment, like there is more he needs to say. I frown, because I’m not sure what’s next. If anything, I should be the one talking to him.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you can’t have kids?”
I stare at him, my heart aching. I feel like I’ve just been punched in the chest.
He knows. How the hell does he know?
Matt. I’m going to kill him. I sit up and move away, until my legs swing over the edge of the bed. I feel sick, like I’m not sure how to react. What do I say to him? I’m so angry at Matt, because it wasn’t his place to say anything. I should have been the one to tell him. But you didn’t, my conscience says to me. I had the chance to tell him, and I didn’t.
“How much do you know?” I ask, turning back to face him.
He stares at me, concerned, as he reaches for my hand.
“Not much. He didn’t go into detail. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I was scared?” I whisper. “I thought we’d be over the moment I did, and then I fell in love with you…”
“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his embrace. “You’re such a strong, amazing woman. Watching Matt and Annie have Elina and now this thing with Allie? I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this on your own.”
He shakes his head as he caresses my face, kissing me on the mouth. I can’t believe how well he’s taking all of this.
“I wish you could have told me. I think of all the things I’ve said to you, and I just cringe.”
“You mean like having back up kids?” I tease. He glares at me. “Come on. If I can laugh about it, you can too. I know I should’ve told you. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me, but when I started falling in love with you, the thought of losing you…”
“You’ll never lose me,” he says.
“But isn’t that what’s happening now?” I whisper. “How can you look at Allie and not want more kids?”
“That’s irrelevant, because I look at you and I can’t imagine my life without you,” he growls. His voice is thick with emotion as he fights the tears from falling. “Honestly? If it came to the choice of having to choose between having you and having more kids, I’d choose you every time.”
“You say that now, but how do you know that won’t change? In ten years, you might wake up, hating me.”