I click on the text and open it.
Laura: I miss you and I love you. I wish you here with me now.
I press call, my heart aching to hear her voice.
“I miss you too,” I say, my heart racing.
“I’m glad you called, I wanted to ask you something.” She pauses. “Can I meet Allie?”
I’m elated, her words making my heart skip a beat.
“You really want to meet her? There’s no rush. The last thing I want is to pressure you into anything.”
“No, I really want to meet her,” she says.
“Okay then. She’s staying over here tonight. Want to come over in the morning, before work?”
“I’m off tomorrow, but that sounds perfect. I’ll see you then. And Luke?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
#
I’m up early the next morning, because I thought kids got up early to watch cartoons and shit. Instead, I find myself sitting on the couch for nearly two hours, before Allie shows her bleary-eyed face. I smirk at her, because it’s nearly nine o’clock.
“Not a morning person, I see?”
She shrugs. “Not really. I hate getting up for school,” she admits.
“What can I get you for breakfast?” I stand up and wander over to the kitchen. “Cereal, toast—”
“Coffee?” she interrupts, with a hopeful smile.
I laugh and shake my head. “Nice try, but I’m pretty sure that Abbey, or your mom, wouldn’t let you drink coffee.”
She smiles, sadness clouding her eyes. I curse myself for bringing up her mom.
“Sorry about your mom,” I say.
Now that it’s out there, I might as well acknowledge it. We haven’t really spoken much about Maya, or why it’s taken until now for us to meet.
“It’s okay.” She frowns at me. “How come you’ve never contacted me before?” she asks softly. I sit down on the couch next to her. She grabs a cushion and hugs it against her stomach. I sit forward and rest my hands against my legs. I know this is a conversation we need to have, but it’s one I’m not looking forward to.
“I didn’t know about you,” I admit. “The first thing I ever learned about you was three weeks ago when you turned up at the hospital.”
“Why would Mom not tell you about me? Was she ashamed of me?”
“God no. Don’t you ever think that,” I say, growling the words at her. “She would’ve been so proud of you. I can tell by the way your aunt talks.” How do I explain this to an eight-year-old? “She didn’t know what to do. I lived over here and she was in Germany. She thought she was doing the best thing for everyone by not telling me.”
“Did you think that too?”
“No, not for a second. I wish she’d told me the moment she found out, because I’ve missed so much of your life. I wish I could go back and be there for everything.”
“I’m glad I met you,” she says softly.
“Me too.”
I reach out my hand. She looks at it for a moment and then creeps her fingers closer to mine.
“So. Who is Laura?” I laugh, because her question is so out of the blue. “I heard you on the phone with her when I got up to go to the bathroom. Is she your girlfriend?”
I chuckle at her, because you really can’t hide anything from kids.
“Yes,” I finally say. “She’s my girlfriend.”
“Am I going to meet her?”
“She’s on her way over here now for breakfast, actually,” I say. “If that’s okay with you?”
She nods and smiles, her eyes lighting up when someone knocks on the door. I raise my eyebrows.
“That’s probably her now.”
I get up and walk over to the door and open it. Laura stands there, holding two coffees and a bag of doughnuts. Allie stands beside me, smiling shyly at Laura.
“Hey,” Laura says. She hands me the coffees and crouches down. “You must be Allie.”
“Yup. Are those for me?” she asks, eyeing the donuts.
Laura laughs and glances at me. “You better ask your dad.”
“Fine, just don’t tell your aunt.”
Allie cheers and takes the bag over to the couch, where she sprawls out and watches TV. I follow Laura over to the table and sit down, taking a sip of my coffee. I watch Allie, a bittersweet feeling stirring inside me.
“That’s the first time anyone has referred to me as her dad,” I admit.
“Sorry, I hope I didn’t put my foot in it,” Laura says.
I shake my head. “No, I liked it. If anything, it reminded me again of what I’ve missed out on.” I turn back to Laura, just in time to see the guilt flash through her eyes. I reach for her hand and shake my head firmly.
“Don’t do that,” I murmur.
“I’m trying not to, trust me,” she says with a soft laugh. “So, how are things going?”
“Good. No, great, actually. I’m enjoying getting to know her. We’ve got a long way to go, but…” My voice trails off as I meet Laura’s eyes and smile. I stare at her hand in mine and run my finger over hers. “She’s going back on Monday with Abbey.”