Too Much Information (Awkward Love 3)

I start with the card attached to the gift, carefully unsealing it and sliding it out. I smile at image of two oldies on the front, hugging. I flip it open and read the message. And then I read it again, this time with a smile on my face.

Just in case you start freaking out (if I know you at all, it’s what you’re doing right now), open this to remind yourself how much I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow when you make me the happiest guy in the world by becoming my wife.

Love you,

Luke xx

I take a moment to reflect on how lucky I am, until Becca shoves me impatiently in the arm. I laugh and glare at her, rubbing the still stinging spot that she poked.

“Are you right?”

“I will be if you open the damn gift,” Becca says as she impatiently peers over my shoulder. “Isn’t it enough that you’re always so kissy kissy with each other? Now he’s gone one step closer into perfect man territory by buying you gifts?”

“At least you’re not bitter about it,” I joke with a smirk.

Her eyes widen as she claps her hand over her mouth.

“Oh god, I’m that person now, aren’t I?”She walks around to the couch and flops down , while Annie and I laugh at her dramatics. I turn my attention back to my gift, carefully peeling away the paper, which reveals a small box, tightly wrapped in brown paper. Becca starts to laugh. I shake my head and smile as I tear into the paper. I open the box, expecting to find something I’d be glad I didn’t open in front of my mother, but instead I find…

I frown and pick it up. He got me a tee shirt? Could he be anymore random? I shake my head, not getting it—and then I turn it around and see the words that are scrawled across it.

The Girl in Cubicle Nine

I start laughing.

“Seriously, if you don’t marry him, he’s all mine.” Becca sputters, clutching her stomach as she laughs. “I love him, Loz. I legit love the guy.”

“What the heck is that supposed to be?” Annie frowns, nodding at the shirt. “Cubicle Nine? It sounds like a name of a really bad American sitcom.”

That makes us laugh even harder, because I can so see James Van der Beek starring in that. Annie looks like she’s going to blow her lid, as she would put it. I try to calm myself down enough to tell her the story, but it’s hopeless.

“Do one of you want to fill me in before I leave in a huff?” She speaks in her best, no nonsense, British accent.

“I hear Laura’s great at filling things in,” Becca falls on the floor, wheezing, she’s laughing so hard. “One Energizer and she’ll keep going all night. She’s a real bunny—”

“Oh, shut up,” I say, laughing.

“Okay, if someone doesn’t tell me what the bloody hell is going on…”

I look at Becca and motion for her to tell Annie, because I’m laughing too hard to speak. She nods and tries to compose herself. Her third attempt, she manages to get something out.

“Okay. So, you think that Laura and Luke met at your dinner party, right?”

Annie nods, looking even more confused.

“Well, that was their second meeting. Their first meeting was actually in the ER where Luke was working at the time.”

“What happened?” she asked, bewildered.

“Laura got a sex toy stuck up her clacker.”

“Clacker?” I repeat, giggling at her. “Vagina, Becs. Don’t be afraid of it. And there was a lot more to it than that—”

“You mean how you made me try and dig it out of your vagina?”

“It’s what a friend would do,” I protest, while poor Annie stares at us, both shocked and confused.

“I guess you Americans have a different idea of friendship, than us,” she mutters.

“Becca got me a voucher for an online sex toy shop. I picked the most innocent looking thing I could find. Long story short, it got stuck. So, I drove—”

“Last time I checked, I drove you there after you called me in a fit,” Becca cuts in.

“Sorry,” I say. “Becca drove me to an ER far enough away that nobody would know me.”

“And Luke was the doctor who saw to you,” Annie finishes.

I nod. She starts to giggle, until she’s clutching her stomach, doubled over nearly on the floor she’s laughing so hard. She shakes her head as tears roll down her cheeks.

“Oh my God, it just hit me how awful it must have been for you at that dinner party, walking in and seeing him sitting there.” She wipes her eyes. “Matt and I couldn’t for the life of us work out why you hated Luke so much when we thought he’d be perfect for you.”

“So, it was a set up?” I accuse her.