I Can Explain (Awkward Love 2)

By three am, I’ve cleaned the bathroom, my bedroom, and now I’ve moved on to the kitchen. It’s all I can do to keep my mind distracted and off Chase Winston. Nerves eat away at my stomach, making me feel sick, and when I feel sick, I can’t stand to lie down.

How am I going to face him tomorrow?

What am I going to say? He saw me in my underwear. How do we move past that and keep things professional? Is he going to be imagining me in my undies whenever I talk to him from now on? All I need to do is catch a glimpse of that look in his eyes, and I’ll know what he’s thinking. I shiver. God, I wish that thought didn’t turn me on as much as it does…Somewhere between six and seven I fall asleep only to wake up what feels like seconds later. I glance around and realize I’m in bed and it’s my alarm I’m hearing. I try burying my head under pillows to escape the sound, but it doesn’t help. I think I feel worse getting a little bit of sleep, than if I’d gotten none at all.

All I want to do is roll over and go back to sleep and pretend the last forty-eight hours never happened. It rolls around in my head on repeat, like a bad song that just won't leave me alone. I cringe, my stomach churning. I feel physically ill. Maybe I’m coming down with something. My heart soars. That’s a reason to stay home.

I'm excited about the prospect of being sick? I’m clearly losing the plot.

Going in there and facing him today will be easier than to give this another day or two to fester in my mind. Not only that but going in there today and acting like nothing happened shows him that I don't think that this is a big deal.

My reaction decides how big this is, which means I can end this before it even begins.My plan falls to shit the moment I get into the cab. The whole ride to work, I fight the urge to throw up. I can tell myself it’s nothing as many times as I like; actually believing it is so much harder. When I arrive at the building, I quickly find a bathroom and hurl up what little I had for breakfast. I feel marginally better, but that only lasts until I remember I’m going to have to face him today. I wash my hands, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

How on earth do I get through this?

He’s going to love this. He will milk this for all it’s worth, and I’ll have to sit there and take it. I know he agreed he wouldn’t mention it again if I told him what happened, but even I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that. The only way he’s going to let this slide is if he believes that his teasing isn’t having any effect on me, and I’m not sure I can do that. How can I fool someone who gets off on toying with other people’s emotions?

Because I don’t have a choice.

Nodding, I take a deep breath and straighten up my shoulders.

If he thinks I’m walking in there, embarrassed and unable to look him in the eye, he’s got another thing coming.The first thing I notice when I walk into the office is that Jade’s desk is empty.

The one thing I know about her is that she’s always early. Like obsessively so. I’ve always tried my best to get to work ten minutes early, and she was always already there, looking like she’d been there for hours. She was the first to arrive and the last to leave. I used to joke that it was no coincidence. She lived there because it was cheaper than paying city rent.

“Is she sick?” Peyton asks, her expression perplexed.

“I don't know,” I shrug. “But she’s late if she is coming in.”

“Very late for her.” She gives it a moment of thought and then shakes her head. “So, anyway, why didn’t you call me back?” she asks, as if just remembering she had something to be annoyed at me about.

“I was meaning to, but then I had dinner with Dad and I totally forgot,” I say, making a face. She nods, completely trusting that I’m being truthful with her. I mean, why would I lie?

Because I feel foolish enough about the whole thing, without having to put what happened into words to explain it to her.

“So, am I getting the details or not?” she teases. “Did you and Jake….” She giggles and does a little dance. Then she stops, her eyes widening. She’s not looking at me, though. I turn around, following her gaze. Chase stands by the door, smirking at me.