I Can Explain (Awkward Love 2)

I lean against the wall of the restaurant, enjoying the cool breeze as it hits my face. I close my eyes, slowly feeling better. I walk across the road toward the water, staring up at the star-studded sky. I’m marveling at how beautiful it is, but it’s short-lived when I glance over and see him walking toward me. I shake my head, the anger rising all over again.

“Can't I get five minutes by myself?” I ask him, angrily.

“I was just checking that you're okay,” he says, his voice quiet.

“Well, I'm not okay,” I say, glaring at him. “I hate that you’ve put me in this position, and I hate that I actually like you.”

I stalk across the sand and over to the water. He's right behind me, but I don't care. He reaches out and grabs my wrist, spinning me around. I glare at him trying to shrug his hold of me, but he’s too strong.

“Let go of me,” I cry out. “You don't care about anyone but yourself.”

“No, not until you listen to me,” he growls.

“Fine. What do you have to say to me?” I say, stepping back to keep a safe distance between us.

“I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't tell you where we were really going, and I’m sorry that you think my feelings for you aren’t genuine.” He shakes his head and laughs bitterly. “I get that your angry, but I don't know what else you want me to say.”

“How about that you're sorry that you made me fall for you?” I say, my voice barely a whisper.

I feel like an idiot. This is all my fault. He probably thought I was up for a casual fling. He didn't know how much I was beginning to like him.

“That wasn't about this at all,” he says, his eyes begging me to listen. “Since I broke up with Casey nearly two years ago, she’s all I’ve ever thought about.”

“I so don't need to hear this,” I say, covering my ears. He reaches over and grabs ahold of my wrists, holding them against his chest, forcing me to hear him out.

“Well, you’re going to,” he whispers hoarsely. “At first, I thought you might be a good little distraction from my problems. But as you wound your way deeper into my world, I started to realize how much I actually liked having you around.”

I stare at him, my heart racing. I’m not sure whether I believe him or not. What if this is all just an act so I don't fall apart and reveal everything to his precious friends?

“I haven’t thought about Casey in weeks,” he mutters, staring into my eyes. “Because all I think about is you. Every time I’ve touched you or kissed you or felt myself inside you? That was real. It was me needing to be close to you. Just like every single time I thought about you since you turned up on my balcony,” he whispers, stroking my cheek.

He steps closer to me, only this time, I don't move away. He slowly reaches out and takes my hand, pulling me toward him. His lips press against mine. I whimper as I kiss him back. His fingers cradle my face as his mouth engulfs mine. He pulls away, long enough to stare into my eyes, and then he takes my hand, entwining his fingers around mine.

“Let's go for a walk,” he murmurs.

“What about your dinner?” I say.

“I don't care about that. I'm not here because I want to be. I have to be here. Because he has no one else. I couldn't let him get up there and marry someone with no family at all on his side.”

“You really love your brother, don't you?” I ask, smiling softly at him.

He nods and presses his lips together.

“When my parents died, I promised myself and Josh that I’d look after him. And now I can't seem to let go of that promise. Even though he's old enough now to look after himself, I still see him as my little brother. I feel this sense of obligation to him that I can't shake,” he mutters, lowering his head.

We sit down on the edge of the river by the water. I snuggle against him as he wraps his arms around me and then kisses me on the forehead.

“What happened after they died?” I ask softly.

“We had an aunt that we didn't really know. She took us in. She was fine, but it wasn't really the same you know. We didn't get that same level of support and love that we got from our parents.” He smiles sadly at me. “How close are you to your parents?”

“Very close to my dad,” I say. “My mother died when I was little. My father has done his best to compensate for that, and honestly, he's done an amazing job, but that void is always there, you know?”