Scarlett glares at me. “Hey. Don’t talk like that, girl. For someone who didn’t even know anything about the BDSM scene, he moved you way too fast. He’s the one with experience. He should have taken it slower and let you ease yourself into it. It’s way too much for someone to handle all at once. Besides, you never agreed to make the relationship anything more than sex. It’s his fault if he assumed.”
“I don’t know if that’s fair,” I say slowly. “I played just as much a part as he did. I had doubts, but I ignored them because it felt so good. I even signed all the papers he sent over. I barely even read it. He tried to make everything as perfect as it could be and I just rushed in too fast.”
“Fuck if it’s fair or not. He’s an adult and he can get over it.”
I laugh a little sadly. “Is it bad that I don’t want him to get over it? I pushed him away, but I didn’t want him to leave. I just wanted him to slow down.”
She squeezes my hand sympathetically. “You bet your ass he’s not over you. Look, if I was you, I’d get back on the horse. Go to Club Crave, do what you have to to get the paycheck and start tackling this debt. If he comes sniffing around again, you do whatever feels right.”
I sigh. Of all the emotions I’m feeling right now, the guilt is hitting me hardest. No matter how I look at it, I feel like I unintentionally strung Logan along and set him up to be hurt. I never wanted to deceive him. Things between he and I just happened so fast I didn’t have time to really figure out what I even wanted. So much of what I felt was new and exciting that I blindly pushed forward, ignoring everything else. Did I want what was between us to remain purely sexual and at the club? Or did I want it to evolve into something more? I didn’t know, but I felt like we were rapidly heading toward something very complicated and very real.
I was afraid to give myself up to someone again. I trusted my dad and he took advantage. I trusted my mom and Ronnie and they took advantage. Everyone I’ve ever trusted has made me regret it, and I was afraid to trust Logan. My instincts were telling me it was okay to trust him, but how can I trust the same instincts that led me to misplace my trust so many times before?15LoganIt has been nearly a week since Emmaline and I played tennis. I swore I would leave her alone after that. I swore to stay away from Club Crave and to lose her number. I’ve done neither. I somehow convinced myself I couldn’t disappear because I had to keep in touch in case her mom’s boyfriend started trouble again, even though I could easily keep that matter under control without being involved personally.
Olivia sits across from my desk, studying me. I haven’t told her much, but I can already see she’s using her sisterly intuition to read me like a book.
“How long has it been?” she asks.
“Since?” I ask.
“Don’t bullshit me. Since you and that girl you were into split. You bought a woman’s tennis outfit last week and you’ve been depressed ever since. You’ve never played tennis with one of your girls before. You must have really liked her. Did she break up with you because you don’t know how to take it easy? Did you pelt her with a tennis ball?”
I laugh at the memory. “Actually, she’s the one who hit me. I still have a bruise.”
Olivia throws her head back and laughs. The sound of her laughter makes me grin. “Damn. And you let her get away?”
“When a woman makes it clear she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, it’s not really letting her go.”
Olivia shrugs. “I guess you have a point. Still. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Logan.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“But you’re planning on seeing her again, aren’t you?”
“No,” I say.
“Liar.”
“It can be really annoying talking to someone who practically reads your mind, you know,” I say.
“You do the same shit to me, so don’t even complain.”
I smirk. “Yeah, good point. I was going to ask about the way you’re practically glowing. Did you finally get laid?”
She shifts in her seat, glaring at me. “Just because I stick my nose in your business, it doesn’t mean you have permission to stick your nose in mine.”
“Trust me, I try to keep my nose as far away from you as I can.”
She gives me a level look. “If you really knew what I was thinking, you’d be hiding that stapler, because I’m seriously considering hitting you in the face with it.”