“I don’t expect you to forgive me, Charli. But you walking away was a wakeup call for me. I made Jacobs at the bar promise he wouldn’t serve me, no matter how bad I begged. Then I went around it and hit up the gas station. So I made the people there promise they’d cut me off, too. I made an ass of myself for a few days, but it worked. I haven’t touched the shit in fourteen days.”
What? It didn’t feel like my brain was ready to process the idea of my dad trying to fix himself. I’d resolved myself to his downward spiral and eventual crash-landing years ago. “That would be a start.” I knew I wasn’t being encouraging, but I didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t just throw away a lifetime of baggage because he’d finally shown some self-control for two weeks.
“What happened… It broke me, Charli. I never wanted for things with us to get the way they were.”
“You think I came out of it okay?” I didn’t mean to yell, but the idea of him trying to excuse himself for what he’d done in any way sparked an immediate fire in me. “Do you think little girls whose last memory is of their mom trapped on a bed surrounded by fire turn out great? And do you think they have especially good chances if their dad is a coward and hides in a bottle of liquor for ten years?”
“Charli…”
“No.” I shook my head. “I took it. I took all your shit, and I took it for way longer than I should’ve. Always asking me if I turned the stove off? Like you could blame the fire on me? I was seven. When did I ever use the stove? You’re the fucking smoker who likes to fall asleep with his—”
“Now you watch your mouth, Charli. I’m still your father.”
“Are you?” I took a step back. “Because if I made a list of things fathers are supposed to do for their daughters, I think I’d have trouble checking any boxes for you.”
“Charli.” His voice carried a warning, but it didn’t hold the same menace it used to. Instead, it sounded like a scared, weak man who was desperate to prove he still had control over something in the world. Except I was done playing that part for him.
“I thought maybe I could come here to start forgiving you.” I curled my lip and shook my head. “But, no. All I can see when I look at you is the coward who made a little girl his scapegoat for ten years. You don’t deserve to be forgiven.”
He deflated a little, but there was still a determined look about him. “I’m going to do my best to change your mind.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”Dead Ringers was as busy as ever, but it felt a little strange to be there after missing the past few days of school. I had no idea if any word of my hospital trip would’ve passed for juicy rumor material. Apparently, my split with Clint did, though. A few guys from the swim team shot me cold looks on the way in.
I also noticed Tristan, Logan, Gage, and Kennedy were all sitting in the bed of Logan’s truck in the parking lot while a crowd of hopeful girls lingered nearby, as if hoping to be invited to the inner circle.
For the most part, it seemed like business as usual.
There was no sign of Cassian, but it wasn’t like I was looking for him, either. He’d been less of an asshole ever since my concussion, but he was still Cassian.
I found Zoe in the corner with a milkshake in her hands. She smiled up at me and gave me a quick hug. “Feels like it has been forever.”
“I know.”
“How is quarantine with the king of the assholes treating you?”
“Not as bad as I expected. It’s not like he’s making me breakfast in bed, but he sort of makes sure I have what I need in his own way.”
“In his own way? What does that mean?”
“Like I’ll find a bottle of headache medicine beside my bed if I leave it somewhere else in the house. Or there will just happen to be takeout food I like left in the fridge. Or when I got up in the middle of the night to pee, I could’ve sworn I heard his door open. Like he was waiting to make sure I was okay.”
Zoe was frowning. “None of that sounds very conclusive. Are you sure it’s even Cassian doing that stuff?”
“His parents have been out of town the whole time. It’s just us. And yeah, I think his dick code prevents him from being seen worrying about me. So he’s going to great lengths to take care of me without making it obvious.”