Savage Love (Ash and Innocence 2)

I smiled as I typed out the text.

Charli: Why wasn’t I invited?

I waited a few seconds before I saw him start typing a response back. Then he stopped typing and started typing a few more times. Finally, his message came through.

It was a picture of Sophie. She was leaning forward, making a kissy face, and showing off her impressive cleavage.

I sat back on my bed, feeling suddenly lightheaded and sick.

I blinked a few times at the picture, then tossed my phone down. I cradled my head in my hands and let it all wash over me. Disappointment. Regret. Anger. Most of all I just felt stupid. Stupid for being the one who put my heart out there. Obviously, Cassian had never really let his walls down. It had just been an illusion meant to get in my pants, and he’d succeeded with flying colors. I guess he already got bored of me, which was why he’d gone rushing back to Sophie so quickly.

I wanted to scream, but I decided that wasn’t me. I took a few deep breaths, letting the feelings rush toward me. Instead of taking them all in and letting it sit in the pit of my stomach, I tried to turn it into anger.

Anger at Cassian for being such an unbelievable asshole. Even if he wanted to screw around and toss me to the side, he could’ve at least let me know before he made the decision and not during.

So I went to his room and tried the door, not even knowing what I hoped to accomplish. It was locked, so I went back to my room, grabbed a paper clip and a plastic gift card that had a few cents of credit left on it. I tried the card first. I shimmied it in the crack between the lock and the doorframe, wiggling a few times until I heard the satisfying click of metal retreating.

I pushed the door open and walked into his room.

His laptop was sitting open on his bed. I almost wasn’t surprised to find he hadn’t even password protected it. Cassian Stone probably never imagined someone having the balls to try to look through his things or access his computer. It’d be like a lion putting a lock on the outside of its cage.

I stared at the desktop for a few seconds, not really even knowing what I was looking for. I just felt furious with him. I wanted something. Anything. I hoped to find an embarrassing picture I could use to feel less like he’d just walked all over me and gotten away unscathed. Or maybe an email?

I clicked into his email account and sorted by sent messages. I frowned when I saw that he barely sent any emails, except to one account. I clicked the most recent email and read.

Dad,

Well, fuck. You’ve probably been reading my emails this whole time thinking what an idiot I am. I get it now, dad. I wasn’t mad at you or Charli or the world. I was just too scared to hope. I knew what it felt like to be happy and watch it all burn down, so I figured it’d be better to push happiness away.

Being the idiot I am, I never knew that’s what I was doing. I thought I was punishing Charli. Punishing you. Punishing mom.

The whole time I was just punishing myself.

But I wanted to tell you I’m done with that shit. I’m going to take a risk and hope again. Who knows, maybe I’ll even wind up happy?

Love,

Cassian

I stared at the screen, then reread the email a few more times. It didn’t sound like the Cassian I knew. This person sounded in touch with their emotions. Aware. Sweet and thoughtful.

It definitely didn’t sound like a message someone would send right before flaunting their new fuck buddy in my face via text. As curious as I was to read more, I suddenly felt dirty and wrong for snooping where I had no right to snoop.

I didn’t know how or why, but I knew that picture hadn’t meant what I thought it meant. I looked at it again, scanning the background for any distinguishing feature I could use to find out where they were. I thought I recognized the booth behind Sophie and rushed out to the garage. I borrowed Walter’s fancy bike, hoping he wouldn’t mind.

I needed to see Cassian.41CassianSophie rested her chin on the back of her hand, eyes half-lidded as she watched me not eat my food. “A hunger strike? Is that what this is?”

“For some reason, I have no appetite.”

She sniffed dismissively. “Look, Cassian. I get it. I’m the bad guy right now. I’m fully aware of how scummy and shitty this all is, but I’m only doing this because I really care about you. I think I know what’s best for both of us, and that’s the two of us together. I mean, Charli Rhodes? She could barely keep her eyes off Clint even when she knew you were into her. How long do you think it’d be before Clint comes back into the picture, or some other guy just like him? I never stopped caring about you. I never would.”