“Hey, you okay?” he asks when I climb back in bed. He reaches for me and pulls me close.
“Yeah, just washed my makeup off.”
“And brushed your teeth,” he says with a lazy smile.
“Yeah, I… uh, just used my finger.”
“You still want to sleep?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” He pulls me into him, and I snuggle into his chest. Let his warmth soak into me.
“It’s an icebox in here.”
His laughter rumbles in his chest. “When you work outside in the heat all day, it’s nice to be able to come home and cool off.”
“I’ll have to bring some winter pajamas and socks next time,” I say, and immediately regret it. It’s hard to remember he’s not mine when it feels like I am wrapped in his arms.
“I’ll make sure I remind you.”
Wait. What?
“You want some socks?”
“No,” I say, placing my feet between his jean-clad legs. “I’ll just use you.” I can’t help but think it would be even warmer if we were skin to skin.
“I’m all yours,” he says, squeezing my hip gently.
I know what he means, but that doesn’t keep my heart from skipping a beat. I want nothing more for him to be mine and me to be his. Some women may not like that whole ownership thing, but the label outside the controlling is something I crave. I think about Ridge and Kendall and what they have, their growing family, and I want that. I want that so much. I also want Tyler. It’s messy and complicated, and I don’t know how to get there without risking life-long friendships, or the new one we seem to have created the past year or so.
“You’re not sleeping,” he says.
“How do you know?”
“I can practically hear you thinking.” He pauses. “Nothing happened. You asked me to hold you, so I did. That’s it.”
“The thought never crossed my mind. I know I can trust you. That I’m safe with you. I’m sorry about last night.” I cringe as memories come back to me. I hate that he had to take care of me, but if I’m honest, I’m glad it was him.
“Why? I’m not. Best night of sleep I’ve had in years.”
“Really?” I lift my head from his chest to look at him. His bright blue eyes are already watching me.
“Really.” He runs his index finger down my cheek. “So don’t worry that pretty little head of yours. All right?”
I nod. Words are escaping me at the moment. What does all this mean? Does it mean anything? “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.” He nods.
“I’m awake, not getting back to sleep, but I wasn’t ready to leave this—” I avert my gaze to the wall over his shoulder.
“Hey.” With his index finger under my chin, he guides me to look at him. “We can stay here all day,” he assures me.
“I’m sure you have things to do.”
“Nothing that can’t be put on the back burner.”
“No, I can’t let you do that.” I’m out of bed and on my feet before he can stop me.
“Reagan.”
I don’t turn to look at him. Instead, I spy my shoes, bending to pick them up. “I should get going. Let you get your work done.”
“Reagan.” This time his voice is louder. More commanding.
I stop in my tracks and turn to face him. “What just happened?”
“I-I don’t know. No, that’s not true. I do know. You’re sweet and warm, and I could easily forget that you’re not mine. That you’re my brother’s best friend. Hell, you’re my best friend too. I can feel the lines starting to blur, and I know that’s on me, so I should go,” I rush to say.
Before I know what’s happening, he’s out of bed and standing before me. “What if you were mine? What if I was more than just your brother’s best friend, more than just your best friend?”
“You don’t know what you’re asking.” I can’t believe I still spilled my guts to him. I’ve made this more awkward, and I just want to go home. Disappear and pretend I didn’t just humiliate myself in front of him.
He cups my face with his callused hands. “I know exactly what I’m asking. What if you were mine?” he repeats. His eyes are an intense storm of blue as he watches me. Waiting for me to answer him.
“I’m not,” I whisper.
He swallows thickly and opens his mouth to reply, but a ringing cell phone cuts him off. He curses but doesn’t look away or drop his hold on me. So I do it for him. I take two steps back, out of his reach.
“You better get that.” I assume it’s his because I have no idea where mine is.
“Reagan,” he pleads.
“I’m just going to go call Dawn to come and pick me up.”
“No.” He clasps his hands behind his head and exhales a deep breath. “I’ll take you home. Give me a minute.”
I nod. I don’t want to fight with him. I just need time to get my shit together. I’ve made a mess of things by opening my big mouth, and I don’t know how to fix it. Fear takes hold when I think about losing him. I can’t imagine life without him in it. And Ridge, what is he going to say when he finds out I’ve placed an invisible wedge between myself and one of his best friends? How do I pretend like he doesn’t know I want him? And how do I not think about anything other than his question? “What if you were mine?”
“Hello.” I hear him answer, and I rush out of his room, giving him privacy and us both some space to breathe.
He finds me in his living room a few minutes later. “Hey, that was my mom. She invited me over for breakfast.”
“That’s sweet of her.” I pull my phone out of my purse that I found by the front door. “I’ll call Dawn to come and get me, so you can go.”
“I want you to come with me.”
“What?”
“Why not?” He shrugs. “My parents love you.”
“Won’t they ask questions? How will we explain why I’m with you so early on a Saturday morning? Looking like this.” I look down at my rumpled clothes.
“They don’t need an explanation, and they won’t ask for one.”
“Thank you, but I think I should pass this time.”
“Then you and I can go to breakfast.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“I’ll make up something here,” he offers.
“Ty.” I pause, gathering my thoughts.
“What are your plans for today?” he asks before I can turn him down again.
“Nothing much. Kendall and I are taking Knox to the park this afternoon.”
“And tonight?”
“Nothing much.”
“Movie night?” he asks hopefully.
We’ve had a few of those over the past year, and even though I wanted more, I never let on. Now, things have changed. As of a few minutes ago, he knows I want him. I’m not sure how to act now. Glancing at him, I take him in. He’s standing rigid, arms crossed over his chest, waiting for an answer. It’s as if he knows I’m going to say no. Steeling my resolve, I give myself a mental pep talk. I can do this. I can be friends with him. I can pretend nothing has changed. I don’t want to lose him.
“Yeah, movie night,” I agree, and shock registers across his face.
He nods slowly. “Good. Six o’clock?”
“I’ll be here. What should I bring?”
“Nothing. I’ve got it covered.”
“That’s not how we do this. I bring food or drinks. Something,” I remind him.
“Yeah, but this time, I’ve got it.” He pulls his keys out of his pocket and nods toward the door. “I guess you want to go home?”
“I do. Thank you for the invite, but… I need a shower.”
He opens his mouth; I’m sure to say I can shower here, or that he can wait on me at my place, that’s just the kind of guy he is. Instead, he closes it and nods. “I’ll take you home then.” With his hand on the small of my back, he leads me out to his truck.