Chapter Nineteen
Seth 19
* * *
Sliding my phone in my pocket after checking it for the tenth time in the last five minutes, I try to keep my cool. Amelia and her parents flew to see the Grand Canyon, marking two more items off her bucket list. They’re supposed to be coming home tomorrow, but I haven’t heard from her since yesterday. Her parents are in their seventies. They tried for years to get pregnant, and then one day, after years of accepting they would never have a baby, her mom found out she was pregnant.
I was uneasy about her visit with them. They’re both older, and she’s fragile, no matter if she wants to admit it or not. However, in the end, I know they needed this. All three of them needed this time together. I made her promise to check in every day and here it is, almost four in the afternoon, and nothing. I’ve called her twice, and sent three text messages and still no reply.
“What’s with you today?” Tyler asks as I toss the tools into the toolbox.
“Nothing.”
“Yeah, right,” Mark scoffs. “It’s not just nothing. You’ve been a moody dick all day. What gives?”
“I said nothing,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Might as well tell us.” Kent keeps the jabs coming.
My anger is building, but not really. I’ve been a spark, just waiting for the wind to turn me into a blazing inferno for weeks. “Fuck off.”
“Oh, I think we hit a nerve,” Ridge chants.
“You know what, fuck you. Fuck all of you.”
“You’re not really my type.” Tyler shrugs as if I’m letting him down easy.
“FUCK OFF!” I roar. They don’t bother to jump or move or even look pissed off. “She’s not answering her phone, and she checks in every day. What if something happened to her or the baby? Huh? What the fuck am I supposed to do for them from here? Even worse, how will I know?” I begin to pace back and forth, running my hands through my hair.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Mark says gently.
“Keep going,” Kent says.
“What?” I stop pacing and look up at him.
“That all you got?” he taunts.
“Fuck you,” I spit. “Until you’re in my shoes, fuck you,” I say as I begin to pace again. “I mean, this is so messed up. Our best friend is having my baby, and she’s dying. Dying. How the fuck am I supposed to handle that? What’s worse is I’m madly in love with her best friend, and I’m fucking scared as hell I’m going to lose her over this. Sure, she says she’s with me, and all is good, but what happens when things get tough? Huh? What happens when the baby gets here, and I’m raising it in the house we share? What happens when…” I swallow hard. “What happens when Amelia dies? What will she do then? Can she raise this baby with me? Will she?” I stop and crouch to my knees, letting them hit the plywood floor we just installed. Hunched over, I can’t stop the onslaught of emotions that take over. A sob breaks free from my chest and my shoulders begin to shake. Lifting my hands to cover my face, they’re shaking too.
I’m fucking losing it.
My heart can’t handle this.
The baby.
Losing Amelia.
Loving Mara.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I stutter through my confession.
I feel a strong hand land on my shoulder. “You can and you will,” Kent assures me.
“You’re right,” Ridge adds. “This is fucked up, but our family will rally. That’s what we do.”
“Let us help you,” Tyler says.
“Don’t hold that shit in, Seth,” Mark scolds.
“The worst part about it all? I’m a selfish bastard. I want Amelia to live for our baby, for all of us, for her. I want the baby, because well, he or she is my blood. I want Mara and Finley to have my last name, and I want to know that it’s all going to be okay.” Lifting my head, I see my four best friends sitting on the floor gathered around me.
“It’s not going to be okay. Not at first. It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to ask yourself why,” Ridge says. “My situation was similar, but I didn’t know my time with her was limited. I didn’t know that the one and only time she held our son was going to be her last. I didn’t get to ask her how she wanted to raise him. If there were any special family moments he should know about. You have the chance for all of that, Seth. It sucks, cancer fucking sucks, but you have some time. Time to take those pictures and make those memories that you will share with your son or daughter for years to come. He or she may never remember their mother, but they will know her through you.”
“We’re in the same situation with Daisy,” Mark adds. “To watch Dawn lose her sister and become a mom to a tiny little girl the same day, a little girl who will never know who her father was? We have no idea. So what happens if she gets sick and needs something that Dawn or I can’t give her? Sure, Dawn is her aunt, but we’re not her biological parents. What if she needs something and we can’t help her? That is a real fear that my wife and I live with every day. However, we don’t let that stop us from loving her. She’s our daughter in every way that matters.”
“Mara, she’s one of the good ones, Seth. Can you really see her leaving you because of this baby? Amelia is her best friend. Chances are even if you were not in the picture, Mara would have been Amelia’s first choice. We all know her parents are too old to care for the baby,” Tyler points out.
“Can nothing we do be easy?” I ask.
They all laugh. “Brother,” Tyler says, “if it was easy, would it be worth it? Fight for love, fight for the bond that the three of you have.”
“Life has a way of working out. It’s not always how we planned, but in the end, things are how they are supposed to be.”
“You sound like Amelia with all the ‘everything happens for a reason’ shit she’s been spouting.” I’ve heard her say that more times than I can count.
“She’s not wrong,” Kent speaks up. “I’ve watched each of you fall, and although the road has been rocky, I believe that we are all where we are supposed to be.”
“Yeah, and what about you?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “I might have missed my shot. Then again, maybe I’ve yet to meet her, but I do know that seeing the four of you all happy and in love, it makes a man want to reevaluate where his life is going.”
“Take it one day at a time, Seth. Learn to deal with this unexpected bond. Embrace it. In the end, that’s what’s going to get you and Mara through this.” Ridge offers his words of wisdom.
I think about what they’re saying, and I know it’s true. I just needed to have some sense talked into me. “I’m sorry I’ve been a dick.”
“No need to apologize. You’ve been holding this shit in, and that’s not good for you or them,” Tyler explains.
I nod. There is no use in denying the fact that I have indeed been holding it all in. Trying to keep myself in check to stay strong for Mara, Amelia, and Finny. That little girl. She transitioned to living at my place as if it was the
most natural thing in the world. She definitely has my heart by a string just like her mama.
“You gonna get that?” Kent chuckles.
I break out of my thoughts to hear my phone ringing. Scrambling, I pull it from my pocket and swipe at the screen. “Hello?”
“Hi.” Amelia’s tired voice is like music to my fucking ears.
“Are you okay? The baby?”
“We’re fine. I’ve been at the hospital all day.”
“What?”
“I’m fine, it’s my mom. She fell. Luckily it was at the hotel. We had just come home from a day at the canyon.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, just sore. They were worried about a broken hip, but luckily she’s okay.”
“What do you need?” I can feel the guys’ eyes on me as I talk to her.
“Nothing. Just checking in. We’re still flying home tomorrow.”
“Okay, good. What about their place? Anything she needs?”
“No, I don’t think so. They already have the wheelchair ramp since neither of them are the best at stairs these days.” She’s quiet, and I wait for her to keep going. I’ve known her long enough to know that there is something on her mind. “Seth,” she says quietly.
“Yeah?”
“They can’t take care of a baby.”
“They won’t have to.” I’m confident in that. This baby is my son or daughter, and I will be raising him or her. This is something we’ve already discussed, but I guess she feels it’s worth repeating.
She releases a heavy breath. “Thank you. I know this is weird, and it puts us in this crazy situation as friends who are going to be parents. I know that after I’m gone, our baby will be loved. Just promise me you will take the baby to see them? I don’t know how much time they have left, but… can you promise me that?” Her voice is soft.