Harrison helps me stand at the sink while I brush my teeth. The moment I’ve finished, he takes the brush from my hand and sets it on the sink. “Come on, Winnie,” he gently replies, scooping me up in his arms and carrying me from the bathroom.
I hold on tight around his neck, considering he’s got me with one arm and is dragging the IV behind us in the other. “Put me down, Harrison. I can walk.”
“But there’s no need, baby. I’ve got you.” He places a kiss on my forehead and lowers me back to the bed.
Pushing up on my elbows, I reply, “I need to start gathering my things.” Then I try to swing my legs out of bed, but his hands stop my movement.
“You ca
n in a bit. Right now, you need to relax and get your strength back.”
“I’m fine, Harrison. I’m pregnant, not bedridden.”
My breathing stills in my throat when his eyes darken. Harrison leans forward until we’re nose to nose, his hands settling on the bed at my hips. “I know you’re pregnant, Winnie.” There’s a harshness to his tone that tells me something else is going on.
I go ahead and sit back on the bed, using the remote to raise the head. As soon as I do, I exhale loudly. “Say it.”
He continues to watch me, his arms crossed over his broad chest. The muscles in his arms flex as he shifts his weight. “Say what?”
“Whatever it is that’s on your mind.” I grab my hands, wringing them on my lap and wait him out. He seems to be in an internal battle with himself, like I might not like the question he’s about to ask.
Or he won’t like the answer.
Finally, he walks over and sits down on the chair beside my bed. He doesn’t take my hand this time, which I notice right away and miss just as quickly. His gaze holds mine as he asks, “Were you going to tell me?”
I don’t have to ask what he’s referring to. I know. “Yes, of course,” I insist, and that’s the truth. I never would have or could have held this from him. First off, it’s his right to know he’s going to be a father, and even though we’re not together anymore, there’s not a doubt in my mind that he would make an amazing dad. Also, it’s not like we live in a big city. Fair Lakes is a small town, surrounded by other small towns, in the heart of Missouri. Unless I relocated to the other side of the state, there’s no way I could avoid running into Harrison every now and again. No way our friends and families wouldn’t continue to talk. No way would it not get back to him that I was pregnant.
He relaxes immediately. It’s like the weight of his question was weighing him down. His shoulders sag and the relief rushes through his body. “Okay, good. Not that I thought you would have held that from me, but since you’re not answering my calls or texts, I just wasn’t sure. Not talking to you hasn’t been easy, Winnie.”
I swallow hard. “It hasn’t been easy on me either,” I confess.
“Then why haven’t you?” he asks, the vulnerability all over his face.
“Because I knew it would be too hard. I knew that if I talked to you once, I would want to talk to you again and again. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would run straight back into the comfort of your arms, and I needed to prove it to myself first.”
“Prove what?” he asks, clearing his throat.
“That I can be me. That I was strong and independent and could do this on my own,” I whisper, tears burning my throat.
Harrison leans forward and takes my hand. “There is no doubt in my mind that you could and would be able to do anything on your own, Winnie. You’re the strongest woman I know.” His hands around mine provide so much comfort that I want to snuggle into his chest and wrap myself in his warmth.
“I’m not, though,” I reply, a tear slipping down my cheek. “I mean, within an hour after the divorce, I slept with you, right?” I ask, the small smile on my lips matching his.
“Is that what you want? To do this alone?”
Immediately, I shake my head. “No, not the pregnancy. That changes everything. It’s hard to describe, and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job of it. I guess I just wanted to prove to myself that I could stand on my own two feet again. I wanted to show the world that I’m more than just Mrs. Harrison Drake, owner of a successful gym and most sought-after trainer in the county.”
He moves, crouching down beside my bed and bringing my hand to his lips. “You are, baby. You’ve always been so much more. You were the glue that held us together,” he says, making me roll my eyes. “It’s true. Why do you think we fell apart when you stopped trying?”
His words hit me hard.
“And I don’t mean that as an insult or I’m pointing fingers. I was working so hard on the gym and lost my focus. It wasn’t until you asked me to leave that I realized what I had done. And the worst part was, even though I was completely miserable, I knew you’d be okay. You are strong and independent and would have gotten up, dusted yourself off, and come out stronger on the other side. You’re amazing, Winnie,” he whispers, kissing the hand that doesn’t have the IV. “Always have been and always will be.”
I sniffle and wipe my eyes. I’m sure I look even worse now that you add in tears. “So what now?”
He strokes my hand and gives me a knowing smile. “Well, I thought I wanted to remarry you,” he starts, making my heart slam against my chest.
“And now you don’t?” I ask, the words hurting more when they’re said aloud than when I just thought them.
“Oh, hell no, baby. My end game is to remarry you,” he says with a smirk. “But first, I’m going to date you.”
That catches my attention. “Date me?”
“Yep,” he says, that cocky swagger I fell in love with back and written all over his face. “I’m going to date you like we did in the beginning. I’m going to pick you up for dinner and steal kisses in the back of the movie theater. I’m going to hold your hand when I’m driving my truck, and hopefully, cop a feel in the library when no one’s looking.”
I laugh. “The only library I’ve been to lately is the one in my classroom, and I don’t think it would be appropriate to cop a feel with preschoolers in the room.”
“You’re probably right. I’ll have to come up with another creative way to get my hands on your amazing body,” he whispers, flipping my hand over and kissing my palm. A shiver sweeps through my body.
I stare into his dark eyes, wishing with everything I have that things could have been different. Wishing the ending was different.
And maybe now it is.
In fact, something tells me this is a whole new chapter beginning.
Harrison sets our joined hands down on my abdomen. “We still have a lot to figure out. We have a lot of talking to do, something we stopped doing there at the end. That’s my fault.”
“That’s both our faults,” I assure him. I played a big part in that problem too. When he stopped talking because of work, I shut him out.
“Maybe,” he says, rubbing his thumb over our baby. “I’ll still always blame myself fully for what happened. I did so much wrong.”
“We both did.” My throat feels tight and burns a little from all the emotion rolling around in the small hospital room.
“We’re going to fix this, Winnie. For you and me, but for the baby too. Our baby. Peanut.”
There’s no way to stop the tears that fall. “What if we still can’t make this work? What if we try and just can’t fix it? I don’t think my heart could go through another breakup, Harrison.”
“Then we won’t, sweetheart. I’m not going to let us fail this time, and do you know why? Because you are my world and I won’t let us fall again. I won’t let go of us.” His words are everything I’ve wanted to hear, yet everything I fear. Because what-if?
“Don’t be afraid, Winnie. I let you down once, but I’d rather die than do it a second time. Trust me.”
I take a deep breath. “I want to.”
“You can. You will. Eventually, when you’re ready, when I’ve proven it to you. I have a lot of ground to make up now, but I’m in this for the long haul. I’m going to fight for you, baby. I’m going to fight for us… our family,” he says, moments before he punctuates his statement with his lips on mine. His kiss is chaste, yet urgent and full of so much emotion. “We’re gonna take this slow, okay? We’re going to get to know each other, trust each other again.”
“We’re going to date,” I reply, my mind swimming with uncertainty and fear, yet buried deep down is a tiny bubble of hope.
“Exactly,” he agrees, placing his lips on mine once more. “I am so gonna love dating you, Winnie.”
I offer a small smile, hoping I’m not making a big mistake by considering this entire plan of his. He wants us to dat
e, to get to know each other, and hopefully, together, work through and get past our problems. Easy peasy, right? Probably not even close to easy. I have a feeling this is going to be hard.
But I also have a choice: I could walk away. I could move forward and put my previous life behind me… but that won’t work. With this tiny life growing inside me, there’ll be no walking away. Harrison will always be there. Maybe not as my husband, but as my child’s father. He’ll be a part of my life in one way or another for the rest of my life.
Or I could take door number two.
I could date my ex-husband, the love of my life. The one that I let go, but have regretted doing so more than I thought possible. We could end up in worse shape than we are now. That’s the funny thing about life: it’s unpredictable as hell and just when you think you have it figured out, along comes another curveball.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” His voice is hopeful, his eyes shining for the first time in I don’t know how long.
“Okay. I’ll date you.” Deep breath.
His smile is boyish and practically splits his face in half, it’s so wide. It’s the smile I miss most of all, the one I love.
“We’ve got this, Winnie. I promise we’re going to fix this.”
I start to open my mouth, to reassure him that it’s going to take a lot of work on both our parts, when the door opens. “Knock, knock,” a lady says politely as she enters my room, pushing a cart. “I’m Courtney, and I’m going to do an ultrasound for you this morning.” My heartbeat kicks up as I sit up straight in bed. The young tech wheels her machine over to my bedside and quickly gets it set up. “Do you want your company to stay?” she asks, glancing over her shoulder at Harrison, who’s lingering in the corner.
“He’s the father,” I reply, resulting in her smile.
“Okay, good. Give me a second and we’ll begin,” she adds.
Harrison comes over and stands at my head, giving himself a clear view of the monitor. Courtney gets ready and rolls a condom over the wand. “Uhh, what are you doing? I don’t think it’s going to get her pregnant again,” he says.