I put my hand on his chest and feel his heart beating like a humming bird inside. Then I push him away. He looks confused, hurt even.
“What’s wrong?” he says.
“I can’t do this right now.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not in the mood anymore.”
His eyebrows come together as he scrutinizes my face. “You’re lying.”
My chest is flushed and my nipples are rock-hard. It’s pretty obvious I’m still incredibly turned on. “I have things I need to do,” I tell him.
He doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t try to stop me when I push myself out of his truck. My knees are still weak and almost buckle beneath me. He catches me before I fall. I want to be tangled up in those arms again, his lips on me, breathing each other’s air. I want him inside of me. But I can’t do that.
“Next time?” he says. There’s hope in his voice.
There won’t be a next time. Not if I’m to keep my heart in check.
I nod and smile. “Next time.”
7
Ram
I’ve never left a woman without getting mine too. Never had a woman stop before actually having sex. I did something to scare her. There was panic in her eyes when she looked at me, but I don’t know what I said or did wrong. I almost did something that scared me too, actually. I almost told her she’s the only girl I want to be with. The scariest part is that I meant it. I don’t know what it is about her that turns me inside out, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I need to. I need to get her out of my head.
Maybe her reluctance had something to do with the way she hesitated before we even started fooling around. I believe her when she says she didn’t come to the beach for sex. Her mind was somewhere else, and I’m guessing it has something to do with whatever—or whoever—caused her to get drunk the other night.
I’m glad she stopped me from going further. When I’m with her, I want to be the only one she’s thinking about.
My phone chirps. I look down at the screen and see a text from Emily, one of my favorites. She’s cute and blond with a rockin’ little body. She’s always up for anything. No kink is off limits. She’s a good time and never expects anything more from me than I’m willing to give, unlike some of the other girls. She never asks questions or tries to get to know me. She’s just the distraction I need. Maybe if I’m with other women, I’ll forget about Cadie and I can finally be rid of this hold she has over me.
Emily: You up for some fun?
I glance down at my rock-hard cock stretching my shorts.
Me: Definitely
Emily greets me at the door wearing a tight red dress. She’s a divorcée out living her life, sexy as hell. She reaches up to cup my face in her hands. I step back from her, a reflex. She looks at me with a curious frown, like ‘what the hell?’
“Um, you might not want to kiss me right now … my tongue has recently been occupied,” I say sheepishly.
She looks intrigued. “Now I really want to kiss you.”
But she doesn’t try to kiss me again. Instead, she sits on her couch with a playful smile. “Tell me all about her,” Emily says.
Sitting next to her, I close my eyes and the words just spill out of me. “She has the most amazing smile I’ve ever seen,” I say. I can hear the whimsy in my voice as I recall the way the waves lapped at us, the way she threw her had back and laughed with all of her body as I caught her before she could fall. “And stormy eyes full of wonder and thought. She’s not just a pretty face. There’s more to her, I can just tell. There’s just something about her that’s different. And the musical sound of her laughter—”
I open my eyes to a slightly sardonic smile tugging at her lips and her eyebrows raised.
“You like her,” she says teasingly.
“What? No.”
“Oh my God, you do!” She laughs. “Has someone finally gotten under the Bed Shaker’s skin?”
I run my hands through my hair. Fuck, she’s right. I’m lying to myself if I try to pretend otherwise.
Emily and I talk for a long time, no touching or kissing or contact of any kind. Just talking. She tries to help me sort through these uncharted feelings I’m having. Did I mention Emily is a therapist?
“You are developing actual human emotions for this girl, Ram. I’m proud of you. Don’t try to bury them. It’s a good thing,” she says.
I shake my head. “I don’t even know her.”
“But the fact that you want to means you’re evolving. Maybe it’s time to put the Bed Shaker to rest.”
“It’s the Bed Shaker Cadie wants. Not me,” I say. “I think she’s using me to get over someone.”
Admitting that makes me feel nauseous. I want to be the only man she thinks about. I don’t even know her ex or why they broke up, but whoever he is, I want to pummel him. Landing a girl like Cadie, I’m sure he’s wealthy and looks like Thor. I’m probably a sad substitute and that’s why she didn’t want to have sex with me.
I try to shake those thoughts out of my head. What the hell is wrong with me? That’s not the type of insecure shit that ever crosses my mind. I don’t care why women fuck as long as they’re fucking me. It’s about the sex. Nothing more.
Emily looks thoughtful. “Pretty name,” she says. “But you don’t know what she wants. Open yourself up to the possibility. Now, go think about it. And take care of that.” She points at my semi-hard cock.
I hug her before I leave. Even though she’s dressed to kill and has an amazing body, and I’m still turned on from my time with Cadie, I have no desire to do more than just hug Emily.
I get home and toss my keys on the table, then go straight to the shower. While hot water streams down my back, I lean my forehead against the tile wall, close my eyes and think about Cadie. Wrapping my hand around my hard cock, I start to stroke myself. I picture her sitting in my truck, her legs spread, pink and glistening. I can smell her sweet, vanilla scent, and taste her on my lips. I’m beating off at a fevered pace now, imagining her hands in my hair, her nails digging into my scalp as she came. The way her entire body sighed as she came down, the sound of utter satisfaction.
I blow my load, and let out an almost painful growl. I’ve been holding that in way too long. Even when I’m done, she still remains in my head. Even later that night, when I’m trying to get to sleep at a decent hour so I’m not exhausted for my early morning, she manages to creep into my thoughts.
“This isn’t good,” I tell myself and put my pillow over my face.
8
Cadie
Gina comes over for dinner. It’s late, but we’re both night owls. I’m making my famous chicken Alfredo, her favorite. She sits on my couch, curling her feet under her. Hercules doesn’t allow anyone on the couch without a cuddle, so he sits next to her and lays his head on her lap. She opens a bottle of wine, pours herself a glass and offers me one. I decline. After those embarrassing texts to Ram, I may never drink again.
“How are things with Evan?” Gina asks.
Dishing pasta onto our plates, I look up at her, surprised for a moment. I haven’t thought about him, not one single time since being with Ram on the beach. Normally his hateful face will pop up in my head at least once an hour. I picture his head on a pike in the middle of town, him getting some nasty STD that causes his dick to fall off, his new girlfriend leaving him penniless and desolate to the point where he comes crawling back to me just so I can kick him while he’s down—the usual. But there’s nothing. A blissful span of hours with nothing but memories of my incredible time with Ram on the beach.
“Oh, you know, still a piece of shit as always. His girlfriend is knocked up. About five months or so by the looks of it.”
Gina freaks out. I bring pasta to her and sit in the chair opposite, listening to her rant while I eat. It really is a nice change of pace to have someone else point out all of his flaws for a change.
“Did you call Ram?” she asks.
I stop eating and look down at my plate. Suddenly my stomach is full of butterflies and I can’t take another bite.
“Yeah, actually, I did.”