How can I say no to that?
Since I don’t bring women to my house, I don’t have condoms lying around my bedside table. I have to fish through the pocket of my jeans and grab one out of my wallet. I slip it on and hover above her, resting on my elbows. She looks at me with a hint of nervousness. I soothe her by touching her cheek and gently kissing her lips.
“I won’t hurt you,” I promise her.
“You might,” she says.
My brow furrows. “No. If you feel any pain at all, I’ll stop.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I’
m confused and she knows it. When I start to ask questions, she silences me with a kiss. “No more talking,” she says when she pulls away. But I can’t get her words out of my head.
If she wasn’t talking about me hurting her during sex, what did she mean? Could she be feeling something for me too? I don’t want to get my hopes up, but it might be too late for that.
I watch her expression as the head of my cock meets her slippery warm opening. I can feel the heat of her radiating through me.
As I start to push into her, her mouth parts and her breath shivers out. Her eyes grow big. I slow down. “No, don’t stop,” she says.
I do as I’m instructed and she makes all kinds of delectable noises until I’m fully enveloped inside of her. Her muscles clinch around me, and I let out a moan of my own. She fits me like a glove, hot and wet. I pull out and push my way back in. She claws at the sheets. I do it again and she growls at me to go harder. My lips turn up in a smirk, and I push hard into her. Each time I drive into her, I push harder than I did the time before until she’s screaming for it, begging me not to stop.
I lift her legs, nearly folding her in half. I’m able go deeper in this position. She screams louder and her eyes roll back in her head. “God, yes, right there. Please don’t stop,” she begs.
I wouldn’t dream of it.
I fuck the breath from her lungs. She’s gasping, begging. By some crazy miracle, I’m able to hold on. I’m on the verge of climax, but with sheer determination, I’m able to keep it in. Then suddenly her body bucks and she’s holding her breath, making choking sounds. Her legs are rigid, her toes curled. Her tight muscles clamp down so forceful on my cock that I’m trapped inside of her, unable to move. My gaze shifts between her tortured face and the junction between her legs where I watch her muscles moving around my cock that’s still buried to the hilt inside of her. I don’t know which sight turns me on the most. I don’t think I can choose between the two. I want to bend down and take her hard little clit in my mouth, but I’m still stuck between her thighs.
My own orgasm rushes toward me, curling up in my balls before bursting through the length of my dick. I bite my lips and close my eyes as I’m rendered temporarily brain dead.
We lay there, taut and unmoving for nearly a minute before her body starts to relax and she releases me from her cushy prison. But I don’t want to leave her warmth yet. It’s like my dick has Stockholm syndrome and wants to be trapped inside her forever.
I open my eyes and look down at her serene expression. She’s sweaty and flushed, and if I thought she was beautiful before, she’s truly radiant now.
10
Cadie
Ram touches my cheek and looks down at me with such tenderness it makes me want to cry. How embarrassing would that be? I’m able to control myself. Maybe it’s because I just had the best orgasm of my life, or maybe it’s because he’s being so gentle with me after, that I feel heartbroken knowing that he’s going to have this same experience with someone else. I’m so jealous right now that I could punch someone.
I close my eyes and fight back my agony. I tell myself at least I have him now. I’ll enjoy him while it lasts.
I kiss him like we’re in love, like he’s mine and only mine and it will always be that way. He kisses me back and I allow myself to pretend that all of the attention he’s giving me is not to boost his own sexual experience, but to bring us closer together. He whispers in my ear, and tells me I’m beautiful. I close my eyes and I’m so lost in make-believe that I hear the words, “I’m falling for you,” come out of his mouth.
I must have a crazy-good imagination because it almost sounds real. I open my eyes and he’s watching me expectantly. I pull him into a passionate kiss. He’s already hard again. He sits up and peels off the used condom, wrestles with his wallet before finding another. He slips it on.
I push him onto his back and squat over the top of him, lowering myself down on him until my ass is firmly against his groin. Then I start to bounce on top of him, feeling him bottom out inside of me. Tendrils of pleasure laced with pain roll through me.
He has the most gorgeous sex face of any man I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t make any of those weird twisted expressions that make a girl want to close her eyes and pretend he’s someone else. I just want to keep watching him. I’ve never kept eye contact with a man while he’s been inside of me. It’s usually awkward. But not with Ram. His eyes are trained on mine as if he’s silently communicating to me. I’m silently communicating with him too, telling him how much I want him, how much he turns me on. Through my gaze I tell him that I want more than just a fling. I want him in my bed, in my arms, in my life. I want him to be mine and me to be his. I long for that with him. His eyes tell me something similar, but I know our language is different. He can’t be telling me those things. Men like Ram don’t settle down with one woman. They have no reason to. Gina was right, and if I don’t heed her warnings, I’m going to get hurt.
I close my eyes and fuck him like my life depends on it until I’m coming. He grabs my hips and jackhammers into me. I scream his name as the world explodes around me and my second orgasm turns me into a pile of useless skin and bones. I collapse on his chest, our sweaty bodies sticking together. His big, muscular arms wrap around me, holding me tight.
We fall asleep like that, him clutching me like a child’s teddy bear and still inside of me. The sun is just starting to rise when I wake up. How did I sleep like this? Comfortably, I should add. My pussy aches from the pounding he gave me. I wriggle out of his arms and let his flaccid cock slip out of me. Even limp he’s bigger than anyone I’ve ever been with. My body is definitely feeling the difference.
Quietly, I get dressed. I hate to sneak out, but I don’t want our special night together to be ruined by awkward exchanges when he wakes up. I just want to remember him with that longing expression in his eyes and the way he held me after.
Once I’m dressed, I kiss his forehead and leave.
11
Cadie
I’m standing with other dancers backstage, waiting to find out which part I landed. I know I’m part of the dance troupe, but I don’t know if I’ll be in the background somewhere. I have a good feeling about it, though. Or maybe that good feeling is just that I’ve been spending a lot of time with Ram. It’s been several weeks since we first had sex. He called me the next morning and we ended up talking on the phone for hours. I’ve seen him every night. We surf and have sex and spend time getting to know each another. I’m getting better—at surfing, that is, I was always pretty good at the sex thing. Being with him has been the perfect distraction—at least it started out as a distraction. I’d desperately wanted to get my mind off of Evan, but then it turned into more …
I don’t know what all of this means for him. I know what it means for me. I’m falling for him. I can’t help it. He’s not the kind of guy a girl can just walk away from and never look back. I’m not saying I’m in love or anything. We’re not even dating. But spending time with him and having the best sex of my life makes me happy. That happiness has transferred into other aspects of my life and now I feel ready for this part in the dance—whichever part I get.
My name is called. It’s my turn to audition for the lead roll. The spotlight blinds me. I can feel the eyes of the other dancers weighing me down, judging, speculating, willing me to fail. But as soon as the music starts, the world disappears and I rise. I’m an ocean breeze; I’m a dolphin gliding through the water; I’m light itself. Everything Ram has taught me about surfing, I use in this dance. I’m free.
As soon as the dance is over, the real world comes back in a rush and again I’m heavy and weighed down, but I know I’ve nailed this audition. I have no regrets, no nagging inner jabs telling me there’s something I could’ve done better. I left everything on the stage and now I’m just an empty husk.
My stomach rolls as the names of the dancers and their roles are called. I pick at my nails, roll my ankles, transfer my weight from foot to f
oot. And then my name is called, followed by one word: Penelope. I got it. I got the lead. I fight back the roar of laughter and happy squeals that hit me like a tsunami. I did it. I really did it!
Of all the people I could call and share my good news, my first thought is Ram. It’s concerning. But I’m too excited to read more into it. I’ll worry about that later. Right now I just want to celebrate with someone who believes in me. If it weren’t for his encouragement, I don’t think I would’ve believed in myself enough to even audition for this particular part in the dance. I would’ve sat back and let someone else have it and told myself I was meant to be somewhere in the background. It’s the best of the best and I didn’t think I was worthy. Ram did, though. He made me believe it too, and now here I am.
I text Ram and wait for him to respond. While I wait, I look at his Instagram pictures. There are a few of us surfing together. I try not to think too much about the fact that he has me mixed up in his photos since he has his other students on there as well, but it feels good to see it. I’m not someone he’s trying to keep secret, at least. We look good together. Everything about us fits so well. His blond hair complements my auburn waves. Our bodies are evenly matched with both of us having athletic builds. We look like companion dolls. My Barbie to his Ken.
The voice over my shoulder startles me. I put down the phone as if being caught watching something inappropriate. I turn and see a beautiful woman standing there. Short and compact with the perfect dancer’s body, cropped blond hair in a pixie cut. A pink little cupid’s bow for a mouth. She’s one of the girls who auditioned for the same part as me. She ended up getting the part of Penelope’s sister. We’ll be working together now.
My face lights up. “Hi, I’m Cadie,” I say, introducing myself. If we’re going to be spending a lot of time together, it’s best to make friends.
She gives me a friendly, yet assessing, smile. “Mara. Congratulations on making the cut. I didn’t see that coming.”