"I may not be a mom yet, but I'm good at taking care of you."
"I'll give you that," I say, finishing my latte. "You're good at convincing me what to do. I think if you hadn’t told me I had to go to Dane yesterday, I would have chickened out. And yet, yesterday was the best decision I've ever made."
"Yeah, but we both know what decision you didn't make. I still can't believe you didn't tell him." Lexi was shocked that I didn't tell Dane yesterday... but I know introducing him to his child face-to-face will be so much more meaningful.
"I didn't want to tell him in an office."
Lexi snorts. "Yet you had no problem fucking him in the office."
"True." I let out a sigh. "I'm trying not to think about how sad this all is, every time I do, I start to cry. It’s crazy to feel so strongly for a man I barely know... but Lexi, he is my soulmate. I just know it. We go together. And yet..." Tears start falling down my face. “He is so tender with me, and I’ve always worked so hard, keeping things together on my own. But when I’m with Dane, I feel like I wouldn’t be in anything alone. He would be in it with me. He sees me as I am.” I crumble again as sobs wrack me.
"Oh, sweetie," Lexi says, pulling me into a hug. "It's okay to get a little crazy when you are falling in love... and this situation is so..."
"Tragic?"
Lexi nods, wiping the tears from her own eyes. "Yeah, it really is." Taking a deep breath she squeezes my shoulders. "You better go, go get your baby Tylenol, we will sit tight here until you get back."
"Thank you," I say, slinging my purse over my shoulder and tucking my phone in my coat pocket. "You know how Asher gets at the store."
Asher gets like every seven month-old: needy and clingy and hungry. All at the same time.
"I'll be back in 30 minutes."
I grab the Tylenol at Target and even find myself leafing through the lingerie rack. Not exactly designer, but it is in my budget. I grab a lacy bra, still semi-mortified that Dane saw me in a nursing bra yesterday. Thankfully I don't think he noticed. I thought it was smart of me to flip off the lights before he saw my stretch marks.
Though with the way he touched me and caressed me and made love to me, I honestly don't think he would mind any scarring on my body at all.
When he touched me, I felt beautiful.
By the time I'm back in my car, only eighteen minutes have passed. Super mom, right here folks. I exhale knowing that I can get through this day.
As I pull out of the parking lot, my phone starts ringing and I see a number from Westbrook Incorporated.
My heart sinks as I answer the call on speakerphone.
"Dottie? It's Carla, Dane's secretary. There's been an emergency. He's at the hospital, right now and—"
She doesn't need to say more.
"Manhattan General?" I ask.
"Yes. He's on the fourth floor."
"I'll be right there," I tell her. I end the call, my hands shaking, tears already running down my face.
I drive. I drive without thinking. I drive right toward the hospital knowing I have to see him. I have to see him now.
As I drive I remember Asher. And Lexi. Tylenol. I'm in her car. How could I be so irresponsible?
That's when I remember I never even called in sick today. I am all over the place, such an uncharacteristic fucking mess. How did my life go from being so normal to being so out of control so quickly?
It doesn't matter right now. Right now, I just need to get to that hospital and see Dane and make sure he's okay.
"Lexi?" I say, calling her on speakerphone.
"Something must be wrong," she says immediately. "You never call me. Texting only."
"I know, and something is wrong. Really, really wrong."
"Okay, what is it?"
Before I can answer, a car runs a stop sign and slams into the hood of Lexi’s car. My eyes close, I scream as the car spins, as glass shatters.
This is it. I'm going to die.
And then as if the universe has given me this tiny slice of a miracle, my eyes open. The car stops moving.
I'm alive.
The car did not explode and I did not perish. I'm alive.
It seems like mere seconds pass before first responders open the car door and help me out. The other car, the car that came out of nowhere and hit me, is totaled. An ambulance is here, a man is on a stretcher.
"Is he okay?" I ask. "Is he alright?" I ask, pointing toward the man being carried into the ambulance.
The officer shakes his head, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders.