What I don’t like about this arrangement is the looks people give me and the way we have to pretend we aren’t what we are. It’s the 21st century. Why should I have to pretend I’m something I’m not? And why is loving four men with all my heart something I should be ashamed of? Most women would be lucky to have experienced even one true love in their lifetime, and I have that times four.
I’ve never had a family, and I don’t want any of my men to lose theirs because of me. Amy’s words in the kitchen were so cold and harsh, I can just imagine her calling her parents and telling them what a skank I am. I hate that Mason’s parents might not see him as I do. The bravest sort of man who is willing to open his heart to an unconventional love story.
But like I said to them earlier, maybe love isn’t enough.
As my feet sink in the sand, I try to remember what I wanted before graduating college. I wanted stability more than anything. I assumed that would be in the form of a 9-5 job, but maybe I was limiting myself. Maybe falling in love this way is all about me taking risks, taking chances. Saying farewell to everyone else’s idea of love and everything else and giving into my heart’s desires.
But it’s scary to go all in like that.
But it would be even scarier to lose what I have because of other people. It’s no one else’s love story. It’s ours.
Still, I can’t just sit around all day waiting for them to be done with work so we can mess around. As amazing as that sounds, it isn’t living life to its fullest. And I want to be more than a lover. I want to be a person in my own right.
I don’t have all the answers, but I am getting closer to the heart of what I want in terms of a relationship. Looking at my watch, I see it’s almost time for the ExSports to begin. I make my way down to the opening ceremony, and not wanting to draw attention to myself, I buy a ticket and find a seat in the back of a set of bleachers.
A massive screen shows clips of all the teams and I watch closely waiting for my men’s faces to light up the crowd. When their team name, Rock Hard, complete with the Black Bull logo appear, I find myself grinning. I know my guys were adored and had lots of fans, but the cheering catches me off guard. I look around the beach and see them up front and close to the other fifteen teams competing today. Drew is with them of course, and Mason is in his wheelchair. I know he’d been hoping to be on crutches by today, but he hasn’t been cleared by the doctor yet.
They play a clip of Noah rock climbing, his shirt off, the muscles in his back taut and fierce, I can’t help but beam. Then there’s footage of Enzo skydiving, giving the camera a thumb’s up and Ethan diving off a massive cliff in what looks like the coast of Thailand, his form so perfect, even I can tell he is world-class.
Drew’s on a surfboard, catching a massive wave, and my heart constricts. I look down at Mason, seeing his profile. His jaw is clenched, and I know how badly he wishes he were the one in Drew’s place. I feel ridiculous for being up here all alone, for leaving the house the way I did. I should be with Mason right now, holding his hand.
Being in this with him.
My guys were willing to sit down and talk it out with me. Hell, Mason was willing to go clear the air with his sister then and there, and I was the one who walked away. I feel like I have a lot of growing up to do still. I may be an adult, but this is my first relationship. And it’s a lot to navigate.
Regardless, I shouldn’t be up here in the bleachers. I should be next to the men I love.
Standing, I make my way down to where they sit, Amy has left her seat for a moment, and I take her chair, not caring if she ends up glowering at me when she returns. Right now, I just need Mason’s hand in mine, because I know today is going to suck for him, and the last thing I want is for him to be alone in any of this.
He laces our fingers together, our eyes meet. “Thank you for being here. For being with me.”
I lean in and kiss him softly, not caring about anything but the man before me. “Anything for you.”