Our Love Story

Chloe needs us all to end the day in one piece. Hell, she’s having a kid.

Our kid.

It’s all too much. More than I am ready for, that is for damn sure.

I can’t do this anymore.

“So, all four of you are what? In a polyandrous relationship?” Tammi asks, hands on her hips. She has known us since we were teenagers, but I am not responsible for filling her in on what is happening in Waikiki. I love her like a second mom, but there is only one woman who I am loyal to anymore.

A woman I know I’m going to let down.

I run after her.

“Chloe,” I call out. She turns, her blond hair whipping in the wind, the sun bright behind her. She looks like paradise.

“Hey,” she says, turning to me. “You decided to leave that shit show I started?”

“Damn, woman, you didn’t pull any punches did you?” I pull her to me, our bare feet sinking in the sand as white waves curl around our toes.

“I’m too tired, Ethan,” she says, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“I know,” I tell her, kissing her ear. Her cheek, her lips.

She moves against me, her body piqued and needy, I feel her desire as she holds the belt loops on my shorts, as she pulls my groin against her core, feeling my hardness.

“I need more of you, Ethan,” she whispers.

“Not now, Chloe,” I tell her, wanting all of her so damn badly but also knowing it wouldn’t be right. Not when I know what I plan on saying.

“You’re killing me, E,” she says, licking her lips.

“I know, but we’re on a public beach and there are kids around,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. But Chloe just pulls herself tighter against me, her vulnerability spilling over as she clings to me.

“Is it always going to be like this?” she asks.

“You mean waiting for the moment where we all feel comfortable in our own skin?”

“Yeah.”

“I think so,” I tell her. “I don’t think there’s a damn soul who has their shit figured out.”

“But I’m having a baby, Ethan. I can’t be a mess for it. I need to ... you know, know who I am.”

“You seemed to know plenty back in the kitchen when you gave Tammi and Tom a piece of your mind.”

She looks up at me. “You don’t want this, do you?”

I clench my jaw, my heart pounding in fear. I don’t want to hurt her … but I’m not ready to be the man she needs. I’m not fucking enough.

I look down at her, and try to let her down gently, so she can fly without me holding her back, “I don’t want to let you down.”

“I get it, Ethan. If anyone does, I do. I don’t want to let anyone down either, especially this baby. But I just keep thinking ... remembering how alone I felt as a little girl ... and Ethan, what if I mess it all up?”

“Mason and Enzo and Noah won’t let you mess it all up.”

“And you?” she asks, her eyes flashing with fear. “Where will you be?”

I blink back the truth, scared to show her my eyes, knowing she will see too much truth there.

“Ethan, what aren’t you saying?”

I step away from her. “I’m saying I can’t do this Chloe. I can’t fucking be the man you need.”

She shakes her head. “Shut up, Ethan. Don’t say that.” Her chin trembles and I want more than anything to hold her cheek in my palm and steady her but what happens when I lose my balance and we both fall?

She needs more than me.

She needs the men who can make promises they know how to keep.

Me? I don’t know the first fucking thing about forever.

“I’m sorry, Chloe. You deserve better. You deserve more.”

She reaches for me, her eyes wild, tears on her cheeks. “No, Ethan. You promised me your heart.”

“You still have it. You always will. But Chloe, I’m not the man for you.”

“Stop it, Ethan,” she says frantically. “We have our business, our life. We have a child!”

I shake my head. “You will be better off without me, trust me, Chloe.”

I wish it was the truth … that I could be her anchor of support like the other guys, but I’m not.

It’s time to get my shit and go.

I love her enough to know what she needs.

She needs more than a man who is scared shitless.

More than a fucked up kid who somehow managed to grow up. She deserves the goddamn world and I will always hold her back with my own baggage.

“But I love you, Ethan,” she says.

“I love you too. That’s why I am letting you go.”

She falls to her knees, and I know I’m hurting her so damn much. But I also know she will stand up again, be strong.

I saw her say her truth in the kitchen; she’s stronger than she gives herself credit for.