And hell, I know she’s gonna be the best mom. She may have been scared of the idea at first, but she will give her everything to this child. She loves so damn deeply, gives so fucking much. She is the best woman I’ve ever known.
Black Bull is here with their new team and it fucking pisses me off, but I also know that what the guys and I have built is way better than that brand. Working for a company that serves in their own interests, got old. Eventually, we knew that if we wanted to grow, to expand, become more than what we were, we needed to step out and take a risk.
And with Chloe championing us, we did.
I’m happy for her too;she has her new friend Harlow with her today, and I love seeing her begin to step out of her comfort zone and take a risk with more people. She’s been hurt so much in the past, so seeing her now, with a friend, makes me really proud of her.
It also makes me wonder what is holding me back from taking a risk. This morning I woke up to find Chloe in the kitchen with Ethan. They’d been making green smoothies–– spinach and almond milk and frozen berries were out, but clearly they had gotten sidetracked. His hands were down her panties, finger banging her on the kitchen counter. She was gripping his neck, coming against him, and I was glad my parents had already left for the beach considering the show they were putting on.
My cock was instantly hard, sure, as Chloe’s bathrobe opened up, and Ethan began sucking her gorgeous tits. But walking in on them ended their moment together, and my first thought was that I was fucking happy for Ethan, that him and Chloe were able to work through his demons and get here today, in one piece.
The second thought to go through my mind was wondering what my fucking problem was that I couldn’t do the same for the woman I loved with all my heart? What was holding me back?
Now, I’m out here on the beach, ready to ride the waves in hopes of bringing home a trophy for my team. I get out on the surfboard, taking over this part of the race because Mason still doesn’t have the leg strength to do it. I can’t help but think about Black Bull. How taking a risk when we left them actually gave us a better life than the one we imagined for ourselves.
With my chest pressed against the board, paddling out to deep waters, it’s like a gut punch as I put two and two together.
Our career is better because we stepped out in faith ... how much better would my life be if I lived like that?
A wave begins to gain momentum, far out on the horizon, but I anticipate it, knowing that it’s going to grow to the perfect swell for me to catch and ride.
And damn, I don’t want to miss it.
Hell, I don’t want to miss a fucking thing.
The truth pummels me, nearly knocking me off the board, but I stay on, holding tightly. As the wave moves toward me, I pop up at just the right time. Not too late.
With my feet firmly planted on the moving board, I see it all so damn clearly.
What would my life be if I let things pass without trying to stand up and ride them out? Catch them while they are here?
If Chloe and this baby were a wave that I chose to miss, I’d never know the greatest thrill of my life if I let it wash past me.
And if I don’t let Chloe know that she means everything to me–– that this life with her and the guys and the baby mean everything to me–– then what kind of fucking fool am I?
One who is missing the entire point.
After all that happened with Mason’s injury, I should have learned by now that life is a goddamn precious thing. Yeah, there are lots of places for laughter and playing around but it’s also mother fucking precious. It’s not all fun and games. There are hearts and souls on the line too.
I considered walking away from this all because of what? I was scared of growing up and being the best man I could be?
Fuck that. I want to be that man. For this baby and for Chloe. Also for my goddamn self.
I ride this wave like a boss, like a man who knows what he is fighting for. I ride that wave to the shore, salty tears in my eyes and a chest that pounds. I can’t lose this ride. It is here, right now.
And it’s mine for the taking.
I’m not talking about this competition. I’m talking about this life.