I will never forgive myself if something I’ve done has hurt her.
After the tests, Nicole is returned to the room. She smiles when she sees me, but it’s nothing like the broad beam I know she’s capable of when she’s well.
“Was that okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. Just strange. I wish I was at home…”
“If you want your parents with you, I can fly them over. Just tell me what you need.”
Nicole shakes her head. “Just hold my hand,” she says softly. “Especially when the doctor comes to talk to me. I just need…” She trails off as though she’s embarrassed for asking me to give her comfort when she’s scared.
“Of course,” I say quickly. “Anything you need.”
I shift my chair so that I’m closer to her hospital bed, taking her slender hand in mine. Silence stretches between us because neither of us really know what to say. Isn’t it strange that it’s possible to be so physically intimate with a person and then feel such a sense of awkwardness? I need to do something to take Nicole’s mind off what is happening, but what?
Then I remember what our nanny used to do when we were sick as children. She’d tell us stories from her childhood as a distraction. I remember it making me feel better, so I decide that’s what I do.
I tell Nicole about the time I broke my leg falling out of a tree on our vast property in Texas. I tell her how my nanny bought me a fluffy rabbit to keep my company while I recovered and after read me a story about a boy who had a rabbit he loved so much it became real. I tell her how my father taught me to ride a horse and my mother taught me the piano. I tell her about Robert and how we were best friends growing up and that he wasn’t always an ass. Time passes and her hand relaxes in mine as I share pieces of myself that I’ve kept apart from every woman I’ve met since Adrianna.
When the doctor returns with Nicole’s test results, I’m so relaxed in the past that I’m not expecting the news to be anything serious. That is until his eyes meet mine and I note his expression.
“How are you feeling, Nicole?”
“Good,” she says softly. “Back to normal really, except I’m a little freaked out.”
He nods. “Are you aware that you have an atrial septal defect?”
Nicole shakes her head, her eyes flicking to mine as though she’s looking for reassurance. “I don’t even know what that is.”
The doctor shuffles the paper in his hands as though he feels awkward delivering bad news. “You have very small hole in the wall that separates the left and right atria in your heart. The most common presenting symptoms are shortness of breath, tiredness and palpitations.”
“Her heart?” I say, sitting up straighter. That doesn’t sound good at all. “Will she need surgery?”
The doctor shakes his head. “The ECG showed just a small defect and the heart is not currently showing any bulging. The fact that Nicole hasn’t had this diagnosed before now is a good indicator that it’s not been causing her noticeable trouble.”
“Until now,” I say.
“Yes.” The doctor glances over his notes. “Is this the first time you’ve felt the arrythmia?”
Nicole nods.
“Well, you need to take it easy for a while. Reduce your stress levels. Avoid strenuous exercise, too. I would suggest that you contact your home doctor and see a cardiologist so they can monitor you. It’s something that you will need to bear in mind if and when you decide to start a family.”
His eyes survey us as though he’s suspecting that we’re ready to procreate any day now. Little does he know that everything is so new between us. “I’d like you to stay for another hour, just so that we can monitor you. Then you’ll be discharged providing you have someone who can stay with you for at least the next twenty-four hours.” The doctor cocks his head and looks in my direction for reassurance that I’m going to take care of his patient.
“I’ll be with her,” I say. He smiles fleetingly as though any kind of relaxed expression costs him too much. I don’t envy him his job.
When he leaves the room, I squeeze Nicole’s hand. “How do you feel?”
“Okay,” she says. “Just a little freaked out that I didn’t know something so major about myself.”
“Well, it sounds like you had no reason to know, until now.”
Nicole nods. “I think I’ll call my parents. Your unfamiliar voice is probably going to give them more of a scare. I feel okay to tell them what’s happened.”
Relieved, I search in her purse and pass her the phone. I stay with her while she makes the call, hearing her mom’s worried voice. No parent wants to find out that their child has been sick, especially when they’re so far from home.