He lowered his head a little, sweeping his lips across my forehead, then started to blaze a trail down my face, but he shook his head and pulled back. He gave my hand a last squeeze before dropping it gently to my knee.
“I want you too, please know that, but I will respect the boundaries we’ve set. It might sting now, but I have a feeling you’ll thank me for it tomorrow, when the scene isn’t so pretty and wine isn’t flowing.”
“Yeah,” I said dismally, my body on fire, my core pounding, even if deep down I knew he was right. “So annoying. I really need to break this dry spell.”
He blew out a hard breath before pouring himself a full glass of wine and standing, walking out to the edge of the shelf. I thought about wrapping my arms around my knees and letting this sting me, but I wasn’t twenty anymore. I was capable of thinking about more than just my own feelings.
I grabbed my half glass and went to him, moving the muffling spell as I did.
“We are still in the cone of silence,” I said as I stopped by his side. “You okay? Did I say something wrong?”
“I want to help you with that, Jess. I really do. I want to remind you how fun sex can be. How amazing. I want to remind you what intense passion feels like.” He paused. “Maybe I want you to remind me. But damn it, I can’t. I can’t for your sake and mine. I can’t because of what it would mean for me, and how it would trap you. It’s not a line I can cross.”
I furrowed my brow, not sure how it could possibly trap me. I let it go, though. He seemed torn, on edge. I didn’t want to make this any harder, because he was right. He had his reasons for wanting to stay solo, and I had my reasons for holding back, even if my convictions had become a little wobbly lately. We were a couple of adults. We could make this work.
“Totally,” I said, my tone light and a little flippant, trying to ease the mood. “I’m not beat up about it, Austin. I understand. I’m thankful, actually. This is definitely for the best.”
He looked away. “I’m here for whatever you need, at any time, but I don’t think I can hear about your sexual exploits…when you start having them. Anything else is fair game, but…” He shook his head. “Probably not that.”
“Mutual, because that’s gross. Men talking about women like that.”
“Double standard?” He glanced down at me with a sly smile.
“Yes. This one time the sexual double standard goes the opposite way. You have to let us have this one.”
He chuckled. “Fair enough. It’s probably better that we can’t hook up. You’d tell everyone what a bad lay I was.”
“Happened before, has it?” I wrapped my arm around his. “Can we go sit down to our G-rated picnic now? I have more tastings to do. Oh, and I need to ask your advice.”
“I thought we just cleared the air about that,” he teased, walking me back and lowering me to my place before taking his seat.
“Oh, you meant my solo sexual fun, too?”
His whole body stiffened. Fire lit his eyes. He leaned forward, braced his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “God, Jess. Yes. I mean that, too. Yes. Please don’t mention that to me, for entirely different reasons.”
I laughed, this situation we found ourselves in beyond weird. Usually when a man and a woman were friends, one of them wanted to bang the other, and they didn’t because they were friend-zoned. This was the first time I knew of that both parties were struggling to maintain a friendship despite both of them wanting more. Why did I always do things ass-backward?
“Actually, I’ve been wondering about my financial situation…” I checked the spell, making sure it was holding firm around us. This particular spell was sensitive, and an errant fingernail or piece of hair could render it useless. “Here’s the thing. Ivy House is apparently worth a lot of money, and the heir can use that money as long as she is alive. She can’t pass it on, but she can use it while she has it, basically. At the moment, Mr. Tom manages all of that. He insists on paying for everything. I have no idea how much I have, let alone if there’s frivolous spending within the household. Like…how much is Edgar spending on flowers? I never thought that would be a concern, but…”
“Definitely a concern,” Austin said.
“Yeah. It’s like Mr. Tom is trying to keep it from me. It isn’t really mine, and I have my own money, so I haven’t been too pushy about it, but it’s starting to feel…off. I don’t know what to do. How do I broach the subject? I assume he’d never try to embezzle, but…well…”