And as night turns to dawn, I have to leave the girl who just gave me everything, as she sleeps on a thin layer of hay wrapped in an itchy horse blanket.
Later today, after finalizing funeral arrangements, after making sure my mom is as okay as she can be, I’ll come back and talk to her. I have so many things to say, so many things to apologize for, so many confessions to make.
After letting my dad slip away without him hearing exactly how I felt, I can’t let that happen with another person I care about.Chapter 26Frankie
A shiver races the length of my body, and I don’t have to open my eyes to know that he’s gone. I’m freezing without the warmth of his arms wrapped around me, but I shouldn’t expect anything less. After every interaction, good and bad, I wouldn’t mistake him for the type of guy to stick around after what happened last night.
I ignore the blood between my legs, and I try not to focus on the soreness of my lower body as I pull my shorts on. I manage to make it back inside the house and up to my room without Nan catching me sneaking in, but a quick five-minute shower is all I have time for before we need to leave for the airport. I don’t bother washing my hair, but I know I can’t go all day smelling him on my skin. I’m already on edge from waking up alone. The last thing I need is to carry physical memories back to Colorado with me, even if it is just the scent of him.
“Ready?” Nan asks as I carry my suitcase down the stairs. “I made taquitos. Easy to eat on the road.”
“Thank you,” I mumble, a yawn escaping my lips.
She carries the food while I lug my belongings and place them in the bed of her truck. I’m normally more talkative in the morning, but I just can’t manage small talk right now. I do my best not to look in the direction of Zeke’s house as we head down the driveway, but I cave, keeping my eyes on it until Nan turns the opposite way to head for the airport.
She maintains the silence while I eat, happily humming along to a song in her head and strumming her fingers on the steering wheel. She glances at me, a small smile playing on her lips when I wad up the paper towel she used to wrap my breakfast in.
“I’m so glad you came to visit with me, Frances. I hope you’ll come again soon.”
“I will,” I lie.
It may be easier to convince Nan to come to Colorado than it will be to get me to step foot back on her property. I need to leave Utah and Zeke behind. I don’t know that I’ll survive if I have to visit knowing he’s right down the street. Even though he got up in the middle of the night and walked away from me, it was still difficult not to ask Nan to swing by his house so I could see his handsome face one last time before leaving. I hate how vulnerable he makes me feel. I hate the way he controls my emotions with a simple look. I hate that even though he’s treated me poorly, I know that if he were here right now, I’d willingly walk into his arms and rest my head on his chest just so I could feel his warmth and hear his heart beating.
“Did you and Zeke make plans to keep in touch?” Hope fills her voice, but I’m tired of pretending, tired of letting her believe that we’re some happy couple that found a long-lasting love connection in the middle of a cattle ranch.
“No.”
“Not even as friends?” she presses.
“His life is here and mine is in Colorado. It doesn’t make sense. It wouldn’t work even if we wanted it to.”
The physical distance wouldn’t be the only complication. There’s an ocean’s width of emotional distance between us, too. We’re never on the same page, and we probably never will be.
“You can always come back during school holidays.”
“I’ll think about it,” I lie, because she just sounds so hopeful, and I know Zeke isn’t the only reason she’s encouraging me to come visit. As strong and independent as Nan is, she also enjoys the company. It’s easy to get lonely in that big house of hers. I know because I found out the hard way.
I hate that I’ve let that boy ruin Nan’s ranch for me. I shouldn’t have to consider how he’s going to treat me if I come back. She’s my family, and she should be what matters. I just chalk it up to one more way he’s able to control my feelings and my actions.