And the truth could put a damper on my career as a romance novelist. I write about true love. Soul mates. First kisses and transcendental lovemaking. Of being brave enough to follow your heart. To fight tooth and nail for that person you know you’re meant to be with.
But the truth of the matter is I’m still hopelessly clinging to a ghost of my past. It’s pathetic, I know. But the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter how stupid it is.Chapter ThreeChloe“I’m not going to lie,” Karina starts, sitting back in her leather chair. Her jet-black hair falls in perfect waves around her pretty face. “That was rough.”
“I didn’t think it was that bad,” I counter, internally wincing. We just got done watching my interview from this morning. I might have cringed more than once while watching. I looked aloof, and you could tell my heart just wasn’t in it. Because it wasn’t.
“I’ve seen worse,” my publicist agrees, brushing dog fur from her ivory-colored suit jacket. “Never from you, though. What’s going on?” Her brown eyes pierce mine, waiting for a response—an honest response. She’ll keep her gaze trained on me until I crack, and I love and hate her for it. She’s petite and girly but is ruthless when it comes to her clients. We started working together when Nightfall got optioned for film and has gotten me an impressive amount of sponsorships and exposure since then.
“I don’t know,” I say with a sigh. “I feel…off.”
“Does this have to do with the shitstorm that happened on Twitter a few weeks ago? We resolved that. Do not bring it back up.”
“No, I hadn’t really thought about that until now, so thanks.” Said shitshow was the result of too many mimosas that led me to respond to some asshole on Twitter saying how disappointed she was in me for including LGBTQ characters in my books. She was trying to get her conservative “mom friends” to share a petition to get my show taken off the air because it was a “bad influence” for kids. Not to mention I’m going straight to hell for writing about vampires and witches.
My show just got renewed for a new season, and I know the season after that is in the bag already too. I wasn’t worried about that but was just fed up with assholes like her. As if it’s not hard enough for the LGBTQ community already… My fans rallied with me, and the comments went from trying to nicely educate this woman to threats and digging up personal information about her and her family, which got publicly posted. While my own comments were a little over the edge, I didn’t cross any line, yet I was seen as the ringleader for the rapid responses that followed.
I’ve always had a good reputation in both publishing and producing, and the fact that I’m not a drama-llama has worked in my favor. It didn’t help that only two days after said Twitter shitstorm, I went on a date with the son of a movie producer who got a little handsy, repeatedly tried to slide his fingers under my dress while at the table of a crowded restaurant, and then called me a prude when I told him to knock it off. I threw my drink in his face and walked out, and yes—that part got caught on camera by the paparazzi, but not him touching me without consent. It was a big his-word-against-mine mess, and with the threat to get lawyers involved, he issued a public apology but then days later Tweeted a list of all my ex-boyfriends, saying I was obviously the issue and there must be “something wrong with me.” It’s so fun to have all your failed relationships scrutinized publicly on social media, and as much as I hated it, as much as I tried not to let it get to me…it did.
Because there I was again, lonely and doubting myself. Maybe there really is something wrong with me. Maybe I really am too weird, too dark, too lost in my own head for someone to handle.
“You’ve been going nonstop,” Karina goes on. “Normally, I’ll keep pushing you because I know you can handle it. But maybe it’s time to take a break. Get out of the spotlight for a while and catch your breath. You haven’t gotten very far with the next book in this series, have you?”
I shake my head. “Not really,” I say, trying not to cringe. I have half of the first chapter written and keep fizzling out the second I sit down to write. I’ve been super busy the last month too, with book signings, interviews, and collaborating with the show runners for next season. “I haven’t had much time.”
“Exactly, and I just had a conference call with your agent and editor this morning. If you can get the first draft done a month ahead of schedule, we’ll be able to line up a three-week-long tour in Europe. For you and Charles. He’s in if you’re in, and we can schedule it perfectly with his break between filming.”