“You had a wife.”
“Yeah.” I let my hand drop to my side. “And you cheated on me.”
Silence falls over both of us for a moment. I look Kara up and down, and I finally get why people say it feels like they saw a ghost when something startling happens. Because that’s exactly what Kara is: a ghost of my past, coming back to haunt me.
“Do you love her?” Kara asks.
“What?”
“Your girlfriend.”
“That’s none of your business,” I say, though her words burn deep inside. I’m not sure I’m able to love anyone anymore. I want to, but I’ve put up so many walls they may never come down. “Kara,” I start, and her name feels weird coming from my lips. How many times have I said it before?
“How is everyone?” she asks tentatively. “I follow Quinn on Instagram. Seems like she and Archer are doing pretty well.”
“She’s pregnant,” I say, words spilling from me like vomit. It’s early and my mind is getting confused. Kara had been part of my life for so long, it’s strange having to remind myself she’s on the outside now.
“And Danielle had a baby, right?”
“She did. A little boy named Henry.”
Kara smiles, brown eyes meeting mine. She’s familiar. Predictable, even.
But that doesn’t make this right.
“I have to go to work,” I say. “Like I said before, it’s time for you to leave.”
“I don’t have anywhere to go,” she blurts, stepping forward and reaching for me. “I…I didn’t tell my family I was in town.”
“Why not?” I ask. She’s always been close with her family.
“They were mad at me after we split…and I don’t blame them. I was wrong, Dean. Wrong and stupid, and I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.” Kara blinks back tears. “I’ve spent the last year trying to better myself.”
“That’s…that’s good.” I plow my hand through my hair. “I want you to find peace.”
“I want peace with you.” She steps forward and grabs my hand. “I miss you, Dean. I messed up, I know. I was stupid—so stupid—and I’m sorry.”
“I told you, I forgive you. We both made mistakes, Kara. I wasn’t perfect either.”
Tears stream down her face, and it hurts me to see her upset. “I wish I could go back…go back and redo everything. You were so good to me, Dean, and I miss you.”
“You should leave,” I repeat and put my head in my hands. This is really happening, isn’t it? I squeeze my eyes closed and open them again. Dammit. This nightmare is actually around me.
“Please, Dean,” she cries, and her bottom lip quivers. Her eyes fall shut and more tears roll down her cheeks. I get hit with another flash, and it takes everything I have not to reach out and wipe away her tears.
How many times have I done it in the past?
Kara and I were together for years. We dated. Got engaged. I loved her enough to get married. To fight for our relationship when I thought it was damned.
I look at Kara, and my words leave me. I want to be angry. I want to scream and yell and tell her to get the fuck out of my house, but all I do is feel sorry for her.
She says she’s sorry and I believe her. Her regret is tangible, and part of me wonders what would have happened if I’d stayed for dessert that night instead of coming home early.
I wouldn’t have found Kara in bed with another man.
Would she have kept on cheating? Wised up and come clean? Cut the guy off cold turkey, buried her secret and played the part of dutiful wife?
“I hate that I hurt you.” She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “I would do anything to go back and do things differently.”
“You would?” I swallow hard. We left with so much unsaid. I didn’t want to hear her excuses. I wanted things to be over as quickly as possible, and the wounds I thought were healed are being ripped open again. “What would you do differently? Make sure you didn’t get caught?”
“No,” she says and starts crying again. “I was stupid. So, so stupid. You were so good to me, Dean, and I don’t know how we fell so far. We were in love once…don’t you think we could be in love like that again?”
My throat starts to feel thick, and a sick sense of déja vu starts to set in.
I did think we could be in love again. If I didn’t think we could fix things, I never would have left dinner early. I would have stayed at my parents’, listening to Quinn complain about the end of pregnancy while Danielle cried over what a miracle it was she got pregnant so easily the second time around.
I would have gone outside with Logan and Owen, drinking expensive whiskey and bullshitting about something—anything—while enjoying life.