Bullets & Bonfires

“Are you cold?” I ask Bree, because she’s standing closer to the fire than I’d like.

She half-turns, the flickering fire creating a soft halo of light around her. “My front’s warm and toasty, but my back’s cold.”

“Come here.” I sit up and reach for her and she takes my hand, allowing me to pull her down into the Adirondack chair with me.

I wrap my arm around her and she snuggles closer. “Better?”

“Yes,” she whispers.

“Did you have fun tonight?”

“I did. Thank you for being so patient with me.” She slips her hand out of my hold and gestures toward the targets.

“Anytime.” I rest my chin on the top of her head and watch the flames licking and darting around. Relishing the feel of Bree so close to me. “Want another éclair?” I ask after a few minutes.

She blinks up at me as if she’d been falling asleep. “Oh no.” She rubs her hand over her stomach. “I’m ready to explode as it is.”

“Want to go for a walk?

“No, this is nice,” she answers in a dreamy voice.

After that we’re quiet again. Nothing but the crackling fire and a whole lot of crickets fill the air. She rests her head on my chest. My nose ends up in her hair, inhaling her scent.

“Are you sniffing me?” she asks.

“Yeah, you smell like bonfires and vanilla, two of my favorite things.”

She chuckles and presses her hand against my chest. “I’ll have to remember that.”

My heart rate kicks up and I wonder if she can feel it under her hand.

“If Vince were here, this would be just like old times,” she says.

Moment killed.

Vince hadn’t crossed my mind once tonight. Instead, I seem to be treating this night as some weird bringing-a-girl-home-to-meet-the-parents date night, when that’s the last thing this is.

She already fits in with my family perfectly.

Yet, she’s nowhere near ready for another relationship. Having her in my lap like this is just playing with fire.

I sit up, shifting her body. “We should probably get going.”

“Wait, Liam, I didn’t—”

“It’s late. I have to work in the morning,” I explain. It’s not nice playing on her guilt, but this cozy cuddling we’re doing needs to end. Even if I don’t want it to.

CHAPTER TEN

Amanda and Gabe are curled up on the couch watching a movie together when Liam and I come inside. They’ve always been an affectionate couple and it’s comforting that their fondness for one another hasn’t waned one bit.

“Mom, we’re going to head out,” Liam announces.

“Already?” She seems reluctant to let me leave as she ushers me into the kitchen to load me down with leftovers.

“I’ll visit,” I promise.

“You better,” she says as she follows us out the door.

At the truck, she motions me closer. “Come here.” She wraps me up in the type of motherly hug I longed for as a child from my own mother, but never received. “It was so good to see you. Don’t hesitate to visit. You’re welcome here anytime.”

I blink rapidly and force a smile. “Thank you.”

On the way home, Liam’s the first to speak. “My mother didn’t—”

“Don’t. You know I love your mom.” Amanda’s words from earlier echo in my head. Does Liam really look at me differently? Hard to believe when he keeps so much distance between us. “So, how many girlfriends have you brought home?”

He stares straight ahead and takes a few seconds to answer my question. “Why are you asking?”

“I’m jealous.” I try to force some lightheartedness into my tone, but end up sounding more like a bunny-boiler. “I don’t like you sharing my surrogate mom and dad with anyone else.” That has to be the biggest lie wrapped around a truth I’ve ever told.

“They’ve always had a special spot in their hearts reserved for you, Bree.”

“That doesn’t answer my original question.” Why am I pushing so hard when I probably don’t even want to know the answer?

“Why are you really asking?”

“You’re a bit of a mystery to me these days.”

“There’s no mystery. I’m the same guy you’ve always known.”

“You’re deflecting. Come on. Tell me. How many girls made the cut?”

“What did my mother tell you?”

I can’t believe he’s avoiding such a simple question. “Nothing.”

He’s quiet while he navigates the tight turns of the mountain road. Once we’re on the main highway he finally answers, “Three.”

“In the last four years, you’ve brought three girls home?”

“In my life,” he clarifies. “I’ve brought three girls home to meet my parents.”

I can’t decide if that’s too many or too few.

I glance over and although he’s casually leaning one arm against the window, while he expertly steers the truck with his other hand, he seems tight with tension. “Does that bother you?” he asks.

In my heart, a little green fairy shouts “Yes!”

“Would it matter if it did?” I ask instead.

“It would matter to me.”

Is he trying to tell me something more? That he regrets other things in the past or am I just hearing what I want to hear? “Well, I can guess Meredith was the first one.”

He flinches at the name of his first serious girlfriend. They’d dated during my junior and senior years of high school. Meredith had pitched a fit when Liam took me to prom—as just friends. “So, who was the last one?”

I don’t miss the way his hand holding the steering wheel tightens. “Why?”

“Well, you know all about my last boyfriend. Tell me about your ex.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Was she pretty? What does she do? How did you meet? Did you love her? Why’d you break up? The normal stuff.”

A pang of remorse tickles me as I watch him struggle to come up with answers. Maybe it didn’t end well. Maybe she broke his heart and he’s still in love with her.

I shouldn’t be this nosy, but I’m sick and tired of being the only one who has her life on display for everyone to dissect and comment on. It’s only fair for Liam to share a little piece of himself with me.

“We met through work. She’s a nurse.”

“Do you still see her?”

“From time to time, yes. But only when I run into her through our jobs. Not socially.”

“Why didn’t it work out?”

“Why are you doing this, Bree?”

“I thought we were friends, Liam. Friends talk about this kind of stuff. Don’t they?”

He pushes out a frustrated breath. “She liked the idea of dating me, but the reality of being in a relationship with someone in law enforcement bothered her.”

“Why?”

“With her job, she’s seen officers shot, killed. It was too much for her. She got possessive and clingy. Wanted me to change careers. Plus, she’s a few years older.”

“I didn’t know you were into older women,” I tease.

He throws a brief glare at me but otherwise ignores the comment. “She wanted to settle down and start a family, and I wasn’t ready for that.”

“Are you ready for that now?”

“Are you?” he shoots back.

Liam’s never used such a harsh tone with me. Not even when we were kids and I did something to annoy him. Confused, I snap back. “We’re not talking about me.”

He jerks the steering wheel to the right and slams the truck into park. His fingers work his seatbelt loose and he turns to face me. “No, we’re not. We haven’t

really talked about you since you came home.”

My time with Chad forced me to perfect the ability to hide my emotions. Emotions made him angry.

Liam’s ripping all those walls down in one night, forcing me to feel things I’d rather not. “Are you kidding? All we’ve talked about since I came home is how pathetic I am!”

“Bullshit. You haven’t told me a damn thing.” The anger in his expression sets me on edge. I’m not afraid of Liam. It’s the fear of the unknown we’re racing toward that terrifies me.

“What more do you need to know?” I shout.

“How’d you get involved with such a lowlife? Why don’t we start there?” Before I even open my mouth, he fires off another question I don’t want to answer. “How many times did he lay his hands on you? I know damn well this wasn’t the first time.” He barely pauses for a breath. “Why didn’t you call me when he hurt you? You knew Vince was a fucking ocean away. Why’d you call him instead of me?”

“I didn’t want to! The hospital made me call him.”

He shakes his head as if he’s more sad than angry now. “Jesus Christ, Bree. Anytime you need me, all you have to do is call. I’d drop everything to be there for you.”

“How was I supposed to know that?” I snap back. “You and I hadn’t talked in months.”

“Because that’s what you wanted!” he shouts, frustration rolling off him in waves. “Not me. You shut me, your brother, everyone who cares about you, out. Why? Because Chad told you to?”

I don’t want to think about Chad. The things he forced me to do. To give up. All I want to do is block out the horrible memories of the last four years, but everywhere I turn someone wants a recount of every gory detail. I want to pretend Chad doesn’t even exist. But I can’t. “I left. I was finally leaving.”

“Why? What was the final straw?”

Oh God.

The detachment I built as a kid, and still carry to shield myself, starts to crumble. He’s trying to see inside to the darkest, most tainted parts of me. He wants to make sense of my actions and he can’t. No one can. Not even me.

He turns and slams his palm against the steering wheel. “The first time he laid a finger on you, you should’ve told me. I would have taken care of it, Bree.”

The tears I’ve been desperately trying to hold back explode down my cheeks. Frustrated, angry, humiliating tears. “I didn’t want you to know what a mess I turned into!” My words bounce around inside the truck while Liam stares at me with wide eyes. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing this has been? How stupid I feel? I hate him, but I hate myself even more for staying with him.”