Warnings and Wildfires

Unaware of what almost came out of my mouth, he gives me a soft kiss on my cheek. “I appreciate it. I still haven’t heard back from Lauren. And my mother rarely does anything for herself, so I didn’t want to bug her on her trip.”

“I’m glad you called me.”

I’ve never felt so inadequate. Or more aware that my little girl isn’t so little. She’s growing up and I don’t know what to do.

At least Madison’s not crying anymore, because if there’s one thing I can’t take, it’s tears from my daughter.

I could strangle her mom right about now though.

Once it seems Aubrey’s safely back inside Madison’s lair, I stalk into the living room and throw myself on the couch to stare at the television.

My phone vibrates over the coffee table and I pick it up.

Lauren. About fucking time.

“What’s wrong, Sully?” she asks. “You blew up my phone. Is Maddy okay?”

“She’s fine. Although you might’ve warned me our daughter started getting her period.”

Typical Lauren blows out a dismissive breath. “She just started in February. She’s been so irregular, and you see her so infrequently, I never thought it would be an issue.”

Nice dig about how infrequently I get to see my daughter. “You still couldn’t give me a head’s up? She’s my daughter. I should know these things.” I don’t want to know any of it, but I don’t have a choice. Besides, it would have been nice to have the right stuff here so Maddy didn’t have to be so stressed out when she already felt so miserable.

Lauren groans. “She asked me not to tell anyone. I think she’s hoping it will disappear as mysteriously as it arrived. Honestly, she’s been very dramatic about it.”

I grit my teeth, surprised Lauren’s so cold about this. “Well, she’s in a lot of pain and pretty miserable.”

“As is every woman when they have their period. She’s not dying. Give her some Advil. She’ll be fine.”

“Isn’t she a little young for this?”

“That’s when I started.”

Well, hell. What do I say to that? “Oh.”

“Do you need me to talk to her?”

Shit, I do not want to tell Lauren I had to ask my girlfriend to come over and help me.

“I finally got the right stuff for her and she’s napping now.” There. Answered the question and avoided telling her about Aubrey.

“See,” she says, drawing out the word for maximum condescension. “I knew you’d figure it out.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Listen, while I have you on the phone, can we talk about Thanksgiving?”

I groan. “Sure, what about it?”

“Well, I know it’s not your turn to have her for Thanksgiving, but Robert and I wanted to go to Aspen to go skiing, and Madison—”

“Hates skiing,” I finish for her.

“Exactly.”

“So, you want me to take her for Thanksgiving this year and you have her for Christmas?” This sucks because it’s the second Christmas, I won’t have Madison. But maybe I can fly down to Florida and see her for a few days instead.

“No. Keep Christmas.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

So many things come to mind. Part of me wants to get it in writing because I don’t trust her not to change her mind at the last minute. Part of me hurts for Madison that it seems her mom doesn’t want her around when it’s inconvenient. But more than anything I’m excited about the holiday with my daughter.

“What about Ella?” Maddy’s younger half-sister has only visited once before and Maddy did not appreciate having my attention divided between the two of them—maybe she gets enough of that at home. But I don’t want to leave Ella out or separate the girls at the holidays. “Is she going skiing with you?”

“No, she’s staying with Robert’s parents.”

“Okay. She’s welcome here if that changes.”

“Thanks, Sullivan. We both know Madison won’t care for that, but I really appreciate it.” This time, she sounds genuine.

“My mom will be thrilled to have Maddy here for Thanksgiving.”

She laughs softly. “How is your mom?”

“Good.”

“Well, tell her I said hello.”

“Will do.”

We go over the flight times for tomorrow night, then hang up.

I wander back down the hall, surprised Aubrey hasn’t emerged yet.

And then I overhear their conversation.

“There’s this boy I like, but he only likes girls with bigger boobs, you know?”

Aubrey laughs softly. “He doesn’t sound worth your time.”

“But he’s really popular,” Maddy persists. “And sends me these notes sometimes.”

Fuck no, I’m not ready for this. My back hits the wall and I close my eyes.

“Oh, honey. I know it’s exciting and fun, but don’t let that be your sole focus. Worry about yourself first.”

“Did you have a boyfriend before my dad?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“A lot?”

“A few. But I really regret the one I had in high school.” That makes me open my eyes. We’ve never done the “past relationships” talk. Mostly because my last “relationship” was in high school and ended with the girl I thought I was in love with moving away and having a baby she didn’t bother to tell me about for four years.

“Ohhh,” Maddy moans and I have to fight the urge to storm into her room. “This hurts so bad. One of my friends says there are these pills you can take to make them go away.”

“Uh,” Aubrey lets out a nervous chuckle. “It doesn’t completely go away. But you’re too young for that.”

“Are you sure? Because I hate this.”

“I know it sucks. But look at the bright side. The first day is usually the worst, so it should get better from here. And it means you’re a healthy young woman.”

I could kiss Aubrey for trying to come up with some good things for Maddy to focus on right now.

Maddy groans. “I’m not ready to be a woman.”

Couldn’t agree more, kid.

“And,” Maddy continues. “I don’t even have decent-sized boobs to make up for it yet.”

Christ, I’m not ready for this.

“You’ll get there.”

“Did you?”

Aubrey lets out a nervous laugh. “I felt like poof, they showed up one day, unexpected.”

And now I’m picturing my girlfriend’s breasts. Nothing creepy at all about this situation.

“I don’t even want babies,” Maddy continues.

Good, because you’re still my baby.

Aubre

y laughs harder. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“You don’t want to have babies with my dad?”

My daughter’s words hit me like a bucket of ice water to the face. Do I want more kids? Finding out about Madison, fighting to be part of her life has taken up so much of my energy, I’ve never even let myself consider whether I want any more children.

Aubrey would be such a good mother.

“Whoa. Slow down, Maddy.” Aubrey’s hesitation is hard to miss. “We haven’t been dating that long.”

“So? I wouldn’t mind a little brother. Please, just not another sister.”

“You don’t get along with your little sister?” Aubrey asks, sidestepping the little brother thing effortlessly.

Now that the idea’s in my head, I can’t shake it as easily. What would it be like to do it all over from the beginning? To do it together with Aubrey?

Guilt settles in my chest. How could I ever experience our child’s first laugh, first word, first steps without being reminded of how I missed every single one of those things with Madison?

“How do you feel now?” Aubrey asks.

Madison lets out a big yawn. “Sleepy.”

“A nap always makes me feel better. We can watch the movie when you wake up.”

“Are you staying?”

“Uh, for a little while. Sure.”

They’re quieter and I can’t make out any more words.

A few seconds later, Aubrey emerges from my daughter’s room with a slight smile on her face.

“Oh!” She jumps when she sees me. “I didn’t realize you were still here,” she whispers.

To overcome, I bend down for a kiss. “Thank you,” I mouth against her lips.

She raises an eyebrow, but I take her hand and pull her away from Maddy’s room.

“She’s napping,” Aubrey whispers.

“I heard.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I step back and run my hand over my chest, thinking of how to frame what I want to say to her. “Thank you so much for everything. For talking to her. I felt so helpless before. I hate that she won’t talk to me, but I’m happy she’s comfortable talking to you.”

Her mouth quirks and she taps my chest. “No girl wants to talk about that stuff with her dad. Even a cool dad like you.”