It’s quiet out here, with just the sounds of nature and the occasional passing car. I take a long sip of beer and set it on the patio table, then find Jonah’s contact on my phone and call him.
“Hey, man,” he says. “How are you?”
“Not bad, what are you up to?”
He sighs heavily. “Okay. I went on a blind date tonight that one of my brother’s friends set up.”
“Doesn’t sound like it went that well.”
“No, it didn’t. I feel bad because she was a nice girl. Pretty, too. But I don’t feel right being on a date with anyone but Lily.”
“Does she know your situation?”
“Yeah, and she was really cool about it. But if I’m being honest, I hated every second and couldn’t wait for it to be over.”
“That’s okay. There’s no rulebook for widowers, you know? You get to feel how you feel about it.”
“Yeah…anyway, it’s good to hear from you. How was the rest of your birthday?”
“Probably the best birthday I’ve ever had. I’m sorry I ditched you guys that night, but I figured you’d understand.”
“Yeah, of course. Alexei told us about what happened between you and Allie back in college.”
“It was hard for me. I never really got over our breakup, but I learned to live with it.”
“Are you guys back together?”
I put my feet up on another of Aunt Jo’s patio chairs. “Yeah, we are.”
“And it’s good?”
“It’s the best thing I’ve ever had. Allie is…there’s just no other woman like her. She’s the one for me.”
“That’s how I always felt about Lily. From the first time I saw her.”
“I know. That’s why I called you, actually. I wanted to ask…if you’d been forced to choose between being with Lily and playing hockey, what would you have done?”
“I’d have chosen her, without a doubt.”
“Yeah. I’m feeling the same way.”
“You can’t move Allie and the kids to Chicago?”
“Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.”
Jonah pauses before saying, “Playing hockey is a dream, but dreams are temporary, man. Lily was my forever.”
“That’s how I feel about Allie. I wish I would’ve fought harder for her the first time around.”
“Sounds like you already know what you need to do.”
“Yeah, I think I do. And Jonah…I know I’ve said I’m sorry about Lily lots of times, but now that I’m back with Allie, I feel like I understand it in a whole new way. And I’m so fucking sorry, man.”
“Thanks, man. I miss her every day, but I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”
“Thanks for coming up for my birthday. It meant a lot.”
“Wouldn’t have missed it.”
“Keep in touch, okay?”
“You got it.”
I end the call and take another drink of my beer.
Retiring from hockey won’t be easy, but I’m not leaving Allie again. Being with her makes me feel complete in a way I’ll never have if we’re apart.
Now I just have to convince her it’s the right call.TwentyEasyWhen I arrive at Allie’s house for dinner that night and knock on the front door, Hazel opens it.
“Hey, Coach Zimmerman,” she says. “Come on in.”
“Hi Hazel. And hey…call me Erik when we’re not at the rec center, okay?”
“Okay…Erik.”
I can tell it doesn’t feel right to her, but she’ll get used to it. If things go the way I’m planning, she’ll be able to call me Dad one day, if she wants to.
The plan is to retire from hockey, marry Allie, adopt the girls and build a home here for our family. In that order. I’ve been thinking about it all day, and tonight after dinner, when we’re alone, I’m planning to tell her.
Hazel and I walk into the kitchen, and Allie looks up from her seat at the kitchen table, papers scattered all over in front of her.
“I’ve got a plan,” she says, her grin excited. “Come here, I’ll show you.”
I lean down to kiss her, then slide into the chair next to hers.
“Okay, so I printed out the Blaze schedule for this coming season,” she says, turning a piece of paper towards me. “I transferred it to this calendar app I found online. I highlighted the days you’ll be playing games in yellow, the weekends that we can come to Chicago in green, and the holidays where you don’t have a game and can hopefully come here in blue.”
I look down at the meticulously written schedule. She’s got every day between this August and next May accounted for.
“And I get two weeks vacation, too,” she adds. “I thought maybe the kids and I could spend their Christmas break in Chicago with you. And the girls and I will move there to be with you as soon as Max graduates. They’re actually excited about it.”
I nod, taking in her plans.
“It’s only until May,” she says. “It’s less than a year. If we do this, we can still be together a lot. And I can still be here with the kids for school stuff, and you can still keep working toward that record.”