Eddie Gonzales moved into my spot as the first line center. Gonzo’s a good dude, and he deserves the spot, but I can’t help feeling a stab of betrayal at the way my wingers play in tandem with him, executing all the plays I used to be part of.
None of them are missing a beat, making me feel like I was always expendable. My team’s doing just fine without me. I’m sure as hell not fine without them, though. It’s harder than I expected to watch my team from a couch at rehab.
I missed one game three years ago because I was down with the flu and our trainer wouldn’t let me tough it out. I remember watching that game from my bed and thinking nothing could be worse. Little did I know.
“I’d kill for a fucking drink,” I mutter.
“Same, man,” Joe says, shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
“Hey.” Gia saunters into the room, still wearing the black leather miniskirt she had on at our group session earlier.
My hunger shifts. I can’t have a drink in here, but my body immediately hones in on what it can have—Gia. She was eye fucking me during our group session earlier, and now she walks over and sits down next to me even though there’s more couch space open next to Joe and the room also has several chairs.
“Thought it would be fun to hang without that uptight doctor watching our every move,” Gia says as she puts her hand on my knee.
My cock twitches and starts to harden. I’ve never gone this long without sex.
Joe leans forward to look over at Gia, saying, “Keep your hands to yourself if you want to be in here, okay?”
I frown at him. “Dude, chill the fuck out.”
He points to a camera mounted from the ceiling in a corner of the room. “You guys know the rules. You wanna get kicked out of here? You can’t play hockey again unless you finish this program, man. And even though I’ve got a shitload of flaws, I love my wife. I’m here for my family. I’m not getting kicked out of here, either. So if doing her is that important to you, go check out of this place and find a hotel somewhere, because you’ll get kicked out of here for it anyway.”
He sits back and returns his focus to the game, pushing a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
“Buzzkill,” Gia mutters.
I remove her hand from my knee as Joe’s words sink in.
“He’s right, though.”
Gia arches her brows in challenge. “There have to be some places without cameras in here.”
I consider her words for a second. The thought of mindlessly fucking is so tempting; I can feel my body physically craving it. I’m like a caveman, my whole being focused on either downing a fifth of vodka or fucking to the point of exhaustion.
Damn. Grayson’s words from one of our sessions are ringing in my ears. You wouldn’t be here if drinking was a choice you made just to have fun. It’s not a choice anymore—you have a physical and mental addiction to it.
Fuck, she’s right. She’s absolutely right. I may be sitting on a couch right now, but inside, I’m climbing the walls, jonesing so bad for a release that I could put my fist through a wall.
And it’s not just booze. I use sex the same way. The realization makes me look at the empty doorway and pray for Graysen to walk through it. I don’t know what to do with this newfound information, and I need her advice.
No one walks into the room, though. And Gia sneaks her hand back onto my leg, this time resting it on my thigh.
“I’m beat, guys,” I say, getting up from the couch. “I’m gonna go to bed.”
“All alone?” Gia asks, feigning a frown.
I nod and leave the room, my heart racing.
Christ, am I an alcoholic? I think…I am.
I book it down to the main lounge, where a guy is sitting at a desk like a concierge, available to meet patients’ every non-alcoholic need here.
“Hey, hi,” I say, running my hand through my hair.
“Hi, how can I help you?”
“Is, uh…is Dr. Wells still here?”
The dude’s name badge says Ken. Ken looks over at a screen and then shakes his head. “All the dayside doctors are gone, but our second shift doctor is available. Let me give him a call.”
“Nah, that’s okay. I can just talk to Dr. Wells in the morning.”
Ken gives me a skeptical look. “Dr. Wang is very easy to talk to. And if you’re feeling like talking now—”
“No, it’s not…I’m good.” I give him a tight smile. “I just wanted to tell Dr. Wells that something she said had…but anyway, I can tell her tomorrow.”
“Okay. Anything else I can help you with?”
“No, have a good night.”